Acceptance grounds us in the present moment with rising confidence that we can be with life as it is. Accepting where we are and what is happening releases resistance. This opens up energy for healing, transformation, better boundaries, and creative adapting.
- When we stop arguing and fighting with reality — even unwanted reality — we re-activate our capacity to see clearly and find alternatives.
- When we accept and become surprisingly "OK" with who we are and how we're feeling, our energy transforms to be more present and reliable.
- If a part of our body is in pain, if we deprive it of acceptance, we are also depriving it of integration and healing energy flow. Acceptance often has a surprising impact on our restoration and sense of well-being.
- Acceptance affirms our value even if we're "not perfect," and this re-opens our creativity and confidence.
- In the face of something "unacceptable," we cannot be calm. Acceptance even of an unwanted reality allows us to be grounded, calm, and resourceful.
Navigating the Unacceptable
People often face situations that are unacceptable. But watch what often happens next. They either fight the truth, complain about how things are, or hope things will somehow change. Or, they might try to hide from it, scared or pretending it's not happening. Or freeze in overwhelm.
Where is the emotional freedom in those behaviors?
To ask, "Is this acceptable?" is to force a judgment: Good? or Bad?
This act of judgment is different from the acceptance of what is.
What the act of acceptance does is free us from staying stuck… arguing with reality, believing we're helpless, or shaming ourselves (and others) over how things got this way.
I accept where I am, this unwanted reality, and how I feel about it.
Yes, acknowledge that the situation as it exists now is not what we want!
Yes, have intense feelings about the situation.
And Yes… use EFT Tapping to help move the energy.
We can accept where we are right now.
At the same time, we can know it's time to make changes because continuing like this is… definitely not thriving.
With awareness and acceptance, we can now adapt. We can craft a menu of possibilities to go from where we are, in baby steps, towards a more thriving life.
I Deeply and Completely Accept Myself… Anyway
Beating ourselves up is.. taught. Reinforced. Who hasn't heard statements like "You should be ashamed of yourself!" or "You should have known better."
Well, OK. How does that feel?
Does that bring out the best in you? Does it help you to reject yourself, hold resentments towards others, hate parts of your body until they stop hurting or get thin?
The EFT Setup Statement most commonly taught is:
Even though (some feeling or belief), I deeply and completely accept myself.
Why is that so potent? Because it is calling a truce. It says no matter what is going on or what you're feeling or not feeling, no matter the level of pain… shift to acceptance. Stop fighting. Stop running. Pause and feel that even with whatever is alive for you, you are acceptable.
So many humans have a horribly hard time saying that they accept themselves! Immediately the voices of their critics and bullies burst forth inside their heads. That's why we suggest adding the word… anyway.
Even though (some feeling or belief), I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.
With this concept taken to heart, you can feel the wisdom in calling a truce. You can know the usefulness of recognizing "what IS right now?" This gives yourself space to adapt rather than fight or flee or keep struggling to survive in ways that damage your well-being.
I Can't Make Them Different
We're "set up" from birth to try and make people love us. Why? Because without at least some care, we die.
Enduring trauma, childhood neglect, or any form of abuse often leaves deep scars, making it profoundly challenging to accept others as they are. This struggle becomes even more intense when their behavior clashes with our sense of what's acceptable and what is NOT.
- We can try to "make" someone be considerate.
- We can keep trying and trying to get someone to understand and meet our needs.
- We can get hooked into being manipulated — doing things that are not a YES for us, yet we do them anyway to fix what is unacceptable.
Highly empathetic humans face an intense challenge here. Better Boundaries are not taught to us empaths; most people appreciate how responsive (and malleable) we can be!
Yet, when we pause and allow ourselves to be aware, it's possible to discern how someone actually is… not how we believe they could or should be.
Hopium is a hook. Acceptance is the release.
Acceptance is not dismissive. It is not rejecting. It is not even judgmental! It is clear seeing with courage and willingness to accept our limitations and theirs… and move forward (or not) from that clarity.
Note: We humans are diverse. Our capacities are on spectrums in every direction. Some people honestly lack the empathy "app." Some have been traumatized to the extent that they cannot handle noise, sensations, smells, or certain emotions — even in microdoses. There's the neurodiversity spectrum. Culturally we vary radically. We have propensities and passions, and we have bodies that function well in certain emotional environments and dysfunction in others.
We might be growing into a potential. We may be fleeing from a change that terrifies us. We may be processing and healing deep wounds.
And yeah, the person you really need to be different — that is being "unacceptable" — might also be a kid whose brain hasn't even fully developed! As well as coping with all the other stuff…
We're human. Acceptance says OK. Acceptance calls a truce. Acceptance leaves open the possibility for adapting so you can thrive… and allow other beings the emotional freedom to find what works for them, too.
In the We-Spaces we share, we can influence, model, invite, and inspire. That ALL works better and with less stress and strain when grounded in Acceptance.
I Accept Where I Am…
Imagine… instead of feeling inadequate or even a failure because you've not "lived up to your potential"… you accepted where you are right now… anyway?
People who feel like they are thriving right now accept where they are (and even how they feel). That leaves their emotions available to… feel abundant. To experience simple uplifts. To relax and savor food and nature. To be inspired and engaged with projects that matter to them.
If we are pushing against where we are, guess what!?! Our primitive brain interprets that as a threat. A not good.
We're surviving (at best) when our primitive brain is in charge of the now.
We're thriving when we can be with the precious now, this life, the simple pleasures that kings and queens of old could never ever have imagined… that are ours, right here, where we are.
Acceptance of where we are and how we feel opens the door to grounded well-being now and expanded well-being as life moves forward.
- What am I refusing to accept about my situation?
- …About myself?
- …About those close to me?
- What do I fear would happen if I did "accept" this situation?
- What past experiences or core beliefs might be causing me to resist accepting this situation or person?
- If I fully accepted this just for today, how might I feel and act differently?
- What do I gain by holding on to my resistance and refusal to accept things as they are?
- What would a wise, compassionate buddy suggest I do to move towards acceptance?
Awareness, Discernment, Unwanted Reality, Adaptation, Resistance, Co-Creation, EFT Tapping, Diversity Spectrum