To influence is to use energy and clarity to reveal, invite, explore, and seek out mutual yesses while cultivating better boundaries and respecting the emotional freedom and sacred decisions of others.

  • Embracing influence puts us in a place where we are co-creating rather than "bossing."
  • Influence can empower everyone in the community by quieting energies of control, domination, and authority-over.
  • Influence allows us to feel a part of decision-making even if we don't "win" — as long as all those co-creating are given the opportunity to assert on behalf of what matters to them.

Avoiding Command & Control Leadership

When we deeply value freedom, traditional command and control leadership hierarchies feel… repulsive! We don't want to be "that kind" of leader. We don't want to be dictated to, either.

So what do we do?

Influence invites us to recognize that our questions matter… at least to those willing to co-create. When we have a decision-making role, we use our power to explore what matters to those who will also be doing the work. We blend and integrate and help bring together a shared clarity.

When we are not in the decision-making role, or we're sharing that role, influence can be expressed through connecting planned efforts to what matters — the shared intentions that bring this group of co-creators together.

Presence combined with calm confidence is influential. Our life force energy is designed to influence our cells, our posture, our thoughts, and expressions of our heartistry!

When we're thriving, we recognize that influencing is utterly different from commanding, dominating, coercing, and forcing. Even when we're passionate, we readily allow for other influences to be present, too, and have space to be expressed. This assures that our energy, when it influences decisions and outcomes, feels compatible with our stand for freedom and the style of co-creating we desire.

Not Just One Right Way

We can influence… and not get our way. We can invite, explore, and feel rightness in our bones… and not reach consensus.

Those who are effective influencers… will experience contrast.

Imagine that someone speaks powerfully about freedom from obligation. They share how it can inspire people to find their own guidance, knowing that when they find their yes, they will not be coerced or shamed into another decision. This person lives a life of emotional freedom! They embody generosity without guilt when they say no. They can adapt without feeling forced by culture or convention.

Heck, they even free their own adult children from "having to" do anything that isn't a yes for them!

Eeeek! Contrast! For cultures where family obligation is structural, freedom like this would mean deep disruption. Anyone who felt free not to be beholden to those rules would find themselves… exiled. That's a Big Deal.

We share this because if we're going to offer concepts for thriving and seek to influence community and culture, we accept that sometimes people will get clear — "This is NOT for me!"

Excellent! Emotional freedom embodies (by our definition) the freedom to choose obligation if that is what works in your ecosystem. Indeed, you may not even see it as obligation but rather feel the rightness and benefits that come to you and those you care about enough to adapt to their boundaries.

There's not just one right way. To assert there is, when it comes to living and loving, takes us out of influence and back into seeking command and control.

Our hope is that these concepts for thriving will influence us all to collaborate and co-create and compassionately accept our diversity with grace.

Useful Questions

  • Am I clear about several different ways we can adapt here?
  • What questions would help influence us to reach a mutual YES-YES?
  • Am I feeling like there is only one "right way" here? If so, what other aspects that matter to my co-creators am I perhaps rejecting before deeply listening?


Related Concepts

Better Boundaries, Co-Creating, Agreements, Curiosity, Emotional Freedom, Inspired Action, We-Space, Sacred Decisions, Contrast, Body Guidance


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