Did you know that feeling like you have to go it alone is a trauma reaction? And it impedes healing relief?
Together is Better...
Going it alone sucks... it is sooo much harder. Yet, how many of us were told to "suck it up" and "be strong" and "never show any weakness"? Also, past neglect and abuse can inflict a painful belief that "no one cares anyway, so I have to do it alone."
But the truth is, we are not designed to heal alone! Certain healing pathways only open when we feel connected. When we feel safe, supported, and understood, it takes our healing relief to another level.
And let's face another hard truth: So much of physical and emotional pain can be traced to what humans do to one another (or neglect to do). This can make it really hard to be vulnerable. And often the family members, partners, and friends we have may not be equipped to help. They may even be making things worse.
With this in mind, our approach is to build up your connection with yourself while also tuning into supportive energies you may feel in nature, with furry friends, with safe people you can imagine connecting to, professional relationships, supportive circles, and with spiritual relationships if those are in your worldview. Relief is easier through healthy connection.
Yes, feeling like you have to go it alone is a trauma reaction... and here are a few ways to change that and bring yourself relief...
The truth is that very few people have had their needs well tended by others with consistency and trust.
- We need physical or emotional support, but we're told to "go away" or that we're "too much."
- We need consistency and reliability... then someone we counted on betrays us (or goes away... or dies), and now we're left feeling alone and scared.
- We're human so of course we get hurt or sick sometimes... but then we're shamed or picked on.
- We are individuals and we all have special needs in order to regulate and manage our body and emotions... yet often those are ridiculed or called "high maintenance."
These kinds of traumas trigger the Survive This Alone program in the body-mind. It says, "Well, this is one of those Unsafe Situations that our ancestors have survived over the eons. We know what to do! We'll just pretend to not need anyone else and survive on our own, as rugged and independent as we can pretend... hold on best we can, for as long as we can. We'll change our brain wiring and even our genetic expression! It's hell out there! We've gotta make it through!!"
Ouch. It hurts to even say that. It hurts even more to realize how old traumas impact what we shared... and what we keep secret. It impacts what we let ourselves show, and even what we let ourselves feel. Ouch.
No wonder we need Relief NOW!
All that said...
We are meant to co-regulate. Humans are meant to be Together, to protect, hold, feed, comfort, and yes heal Together. It's time to do that. It's time we as a community seek to co-regulate and fulfill more of our energetic and emotional needs Together.
Yes, this takes addressing relational trauma. Yes, this means we tap through the denial and shutdown and distrust that has built up... and open up slowly and mindfully to those experiences and beings that truly do want to support us in certain ways. And Yes, it means trusting and building the resilience inside each of us and amongst us... so we each can thrive knowing we have a Circle of Support.
Simple Key #3
Together is Better.
And Together gets easier as we heal our traumas and disconnections... and allow ourselves to receive in healthy and natural ways.
Cultivate a Sense of Together-With...
1. Together with Nature... Gravity, Breath, Water, Trees, Sun
2. Together with Beautiful Beings You Love and Trust... Physical and Non-Physical
3. Cultivate a Circle of Support
You Can Go Deeper By...
- When you feel alone or that you have no other choice but do it yourself... let that me a signal to shift. Shift from solo to Together. Connect with Nature, Breath, Gravity... and Beautiful Beings you are learning to trust are energetically present for you and with you.
- Become More Aware of the relief that flows from Together-With. When you are With and In your body, there is relief. When you feel connected and supported, there is is relief! Yes, it is more subtle than morphine. It a relief that unwinds and heals. It gives you strength to be in your body and to cultivate a different relationship with yourself and others. Notice this energy below the noise of even loud pain, and you will find yourself with stronger life force, healing flow, and love of life in all its weather.
- Expand Your Circle of Support. Really! If you need some 1-on-1 time, I offer private coaching sessions on an affordable gliding scale. If you have never experienced a true emotionally present and supportive community, join our Emotional Freedom Circle. If nothing else, tap and begin the process of being open to more supportive beings in your world. And to feel the support that is already present.
It's been an honor to be with you for this Relief NOW series. Would you be so kind to leave a comment below and let me know how it has been for you? Thanks! ~Rick@Thrivingnow.com