Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and EFT

Listen

Download MP3

Erectile dysfunction (ED) means being unable to get or keep an erection firm enough for sex. ED is common and becomes more common with age, but it is not a routine or inevitable part of aging. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases estimates that between 30 million and 50 million men in the United States have ED. A health care professional can help identify possible causes and discuss treatment options. (NIDDK: Definition and Facts)

Frequent ED can affect confidence, intimacy, and relationships. It can also have physical, emotional, medication-related, and lifestyle contributors. This article focuses on the emotional stress, beliefs, shame, and relationship effects that can accompany erection difficulties—and on using EFT Tapping for that emotional support alongside appropriate medical care.

Medical Causes of Erectile Dysfunction

ED can be a symptom of another health problem. Current medical guidance identifies possible contributors including:

• heart and blood-vessel conditions, including high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, and stroke
• diabetes, kidney disease, obesity, and other chronic conditions
• hormone issues, including low testosterone or thyroid imbalance
• nerve damage or neurological conditions, including multiple sclerosis, spinal-cord injury, or effects of pelvic surgery
• certain prescription and over-the-counter medicines
• anxiety, depression, stress, low self-esteem, or negative body image
• smoking, heavy alcohol use, low physical activity, and recreational drugs

(NIDDK: Symptoms and Causes)

If you are not already working with a health care professional about ongoing erection difficulties, please get them checked. I don’t like going to the doctor, either! Use EFT Tapping for your resistance, fear, or embarrassment about seeking care—but get checked. ED can sometimes be an early warning sign of cardiovascular disease or another condition that deserves medical attention. Tapping is not a substitute for diagnosis or treatment.

The Emotional and Energetic Contributors to Erectile Dysfunction

Ask any male from teenage years on and, if he’s honest, he’ll tell you that even the remote possibility of something going wrong with his penis is enough to cause anxiety. Of course, anxiety and stress are contributors to erection problems. And erection problems are contributors to stress and anxiety… One of my goals of coaching you in the use of EFT is to empower you to break this vicious cycle.

Gary Craig’s EFT website once included an anecdotal report from a urologist working with a 30-year-old patient after a painful vasectomy experience. The patient had begun to fear, I may never get better, sex may never be the same, and it might always hurt. The report described using EFT to address the pain memory, fear, and loss of confidence, followed by improvement in his emotional confidence and sexual response. This is one individual story, not evidence that EFT treats the physical causes of ED. It does illustrate how pain, fear, expectation, and performance anxiety can reinforce one another.

From an emotional and energetic perspective, our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and body responses are worth exploring as contributors to distress and performance anxiety around erection problems.

What Does Erectile Dysfunction Mean To Me?

Start by writing down what having erectile dysfunction means to you. If you’ve ever said it, thought it, read it, or had a nightmare about it, list it. (Note: if you are not going to use EFT to tap the energy system and bring yourself relief, do not make this list. That would just be self-punishment. Indeed, I recommend that you CONTINUOUSLY tap the EFT acupoints as you make the list. Just tap one point a few times and move on to the next, and keep going. This will bring not only clarity but start the energetic clearing process).

Here are some limiting beliefs other men have expressed that may or may not apply to you:

• I’m not a real man anymore.
• I’m broken.
• I’ll be alone.
• I can’t perform anymore.
• If I can’t please her, she won’t want me anymore.
• She’ll reject me and leave.
• I’ll get hurt again.
• I can’t release this tension.
• I can’t get it up.
• I can’t keep it up.
• I can’t take it all the way.
• I feel flaccid and weak.
• I feel so ashamed.
• I’m too embarrassed to even try anymore.
• I can’t stand the idea of taking Viagra! And it probably won’t even work for me!
• I never know when it is going to work… or NOT… and that makes me panic.
• I’ll never enjoy sex again.
• My body has failed me.
• I don’t even WANT sex anymore.
• I’m just not that interested… although I want to be.
• I am getting old.
• She’ll laugh.
• She’ll tell her friends, who will tell their men, who will…
• Oh God, I don’t even want to think about it!
• My penis is depressed… and so am I!

Here are some limiting beliefs that might also trigger statements for your list:

• Men shouldn’t express certain feelings.
• Sex is a performance.
• A man must orchestrate sex.
• A man always wants and is always ready to have sex.
• All physical contact must lead to sex.
• Sex equals intercourse.
• Sex requires an erection.
• Good sex is increasing excitement terminated only by orgasm.
• Sex should be natural and spontaneous.

Use Your Words

I am using the term penis. Some men rarely use that term. With EFT it is important that you “call it like it is.” So, if you refer to your member as Dick, Peter, Rooster, or Mr. Greedy, or some other term, use YOUR name for it. If your self-talk is harsh and cruel and uses locker room language, write those words down… but also tap continuously while you are writing.

Use EFT on Every Single Item on Your List

Make your own list, and use EFT on each and every item on it. Start by putting a rating about “how true” it feels to you before you begin. For example, “She’ll reject me and leave” may feel totally true (a 10) in your body—even though perhaps logically it’s ridiculous with your strong relationship. “I am getting old” might only register a 2 on a 10 point scale. If “I don’t even WANT it anymore” is completely false, a zero (0), don’t put it on your list.

Next, we’ll start doing rounds of EFT. We start by creating a set-up statement from an item on the list. Let’s use as an example: “I can’t get it up.” Say it aloud, “I can’t get it up,” and note two things:

1. Where do I feel it in my body?
2. How intense does it feel? (write that number down, from 0-10)

Let’s assume that when you say, “I can’t get it up” the sensation is like a rock in your gut with an intensity of “8.” Start tapping at the Side of the Hand point and keep tapping while you say the statement below three times, with intensity :

Then stretch, shake a bit, and move your body around.

Okay, say the item on your list again. “I can’t get it up.” Is the feeling in your gut still an “8”? Write down the new number. Is it still a rock in your gut, or did the feeling change? If it changed, or got smaller, make note of that. A follow-up round might be something like this (keep tapping the Side of the Hand point while saying the following, with intensity):

Again, make the same statement, “I can’t get it up,” and notice if there are ANY changes, however subtle, in how you feel in your body and in your thoughts. A drop from an 8 to a 6 is significant. You may notice an even stronger shift. You may notice very little. In my experience with clients, many men have not yet developed much body awareness. All you may notice is that you feel a bit more relaxed. That alone is a sign that the energy system is balancing, and with energy system balance comes optimal healing.

Let’s review the steps:

1. Take one item on your list at a time.
2. Say it aloud and determine what part of your body reacts to the statement with some tension, nausea, pain, pressure, etc. Write that body sensation down, along with the intensity. (If you need help, refer to my article on Pay Attention to Body Sensations).
3. Use the wording from your list along with the specific body sensation in your EFT set-up statement. There are no wrong words in EFT. Feel free to improvise, and include “and that makes me feel ________” (angry, hopeless, scared) as part of the set-up statement and tapping.
4. Do 2-5 rounds for each item on your list. Make note of progress on the intensity.
5. Move on to the next item.
6. Spend 20 minutes one or two times a day on this process.

Specific Events of Sexual Dysfunction

Next, let’s work on specific events… the more specific the better. On our list above, we are tapping on general feelings… beliefs expressing themselves as disruptions in the body. It’s my experience with clients that such tapping helps make the energy system (and the physiology reflected by it) more resilient and strong. Specific events offers doorways into the energy system that can bring about permanent relief from the painful memory.

Ask yourself the following questions, and make notes of the specific events that come to mind, tapping continuously while you are writing:

1. When did I first FEAR sexual performance problems?
2. When did I first have signs of erection challenges?
3. When did I first experience this problem?
4. When did I AVOID sex or intimacy in order to keep from facing this problem, and how did that make me feel?
5. When did I experience any sexual performance problems that were particularly traumatic?
6. When (if ever) was I sexually abused?

Addressing a specific event thoroughly can be difficult when working by yourself. Why? Because we tend to gloss over the painful aspects. It is a natural defense mechanism. But that leaves the energetic disruption intact. So, I recommend that you consider working with a EFT coach or therapist. Yeah, I know. This is embarrassing stuff. Tap with me…

Maybe that can bring you some confidence to seek out help. If it doesn’t, and you want to use EFT on these specific events on your own, here is what you can try:

1. Start tapping continuously through the points.
2. Write out the story in vivid detail. Include sights, sounds, feelings, tastes, words spoken, words unspoken.
3. Once you have written the story out, go back through it, sentence by sentence. Like we did with the list, notice the body sensations. Tap on those sensations until you get relief, preferably below a 2 on the 10 point intensity scale.
4. Continue through the story until you are complete.
5. Set it aside until the next day. Then tap continuously while you read the story aloud. Does any intensity come up? If so, STOP and do multiple rounds until you feel some relief.
6. Repeat this until the story seems boring or funny or at least neutral. If you can’t get the shift on this specific story, I would strongly recommend working with a professional. Why? Because if a story about your sexuality PAINS you, don’t you think it is going to affect your relaxed enjoyment and sexual pleasure?
7. As an alternative to writing: speak the story into a tape recorder or your computer recorder while tapping continuously. Then, do the same procedure, going sentence by sentence, pausing to tap in between.

How many specific events will you need to go through? As many as evoke intensity and discomfort in your body as you remember them. What we see is that after you address a “number” of specific events, other related events will harmonize on their own as part of the generalization effect. It is still appropriate to quickly and vividly remember them to see if there are any different aspects (words, feeling, sights, sounds, tastes, beliefs) that pop-up to be addressed with EFT.

Setting Positive Expectation

Sexual arousal is complex. It involves the brain, hormones, emotions, nerves, muscles, and blood vessels. ED can result from a physical issue, an emotional issue, or a combination of both. (Mayo Clinic: Symptoms and Causes) Medical causes belong with a health care professional; tapping can help you explore stress, shame, confidence, expectations, and the emotional effects of what has happened.

If you have followed the EFT processes above, you may feel more relaxed, responsive, and ready. We can support that emotional shift with some positive tapping. These statements are intentions and imagery—not claims that tapping directly changes hormone levels or blood flow.

If you want, do more rounds of positive statements. Indeed, as the intensity of the negative experiences goes down, you’ll want to continue to move into a state of calm confidence using positive rounds of EFT.

Partners Are Affected by Erection Problems, Too

ED can affect intimacy, confidence, communication, and the emotional well-being of both people in a relationship. A partner may mistakenly experience an erection as proof of desire or love—and its absence as rejection. The person experiencing ED may feel watched, pressured, ashamed, or responsible for protecting the partner from disappointment. That pressure can make relaxed connection even harder.

Current medical guidance recognizes that counseling and partner involvement can help when emotional or relationship issues are affecting ED. (NIDDK: Treatment) EFT can be used as emotional support for the fear, shame, resentment, insecurity, and performance pressure surrounding the experience. Ideally, reducing that intensity makes room for a more honest conversation.

Useful steps include:

1. Acknowledge how erection difficulties are affecting you and your relationship.
2. Consider both your physical health and your emotional experience.
3. Learn about possible causes and treatment options with a health care professional.
4. Talk openly with your partner about pressure, affection, intimacy, and what each of you actually wants.
5. Choose medical, therapeutic, and emotional support that respects your needs, values, and relationship.

If there is a blessing in facing a sexual challenge like erectile dysfunction, it is that it can force individuals and couples to really clean up their emotional fears, doubts, and unhelpful beliefs. Regardless of the shift that occurs in erectile performance, if you can get to a place where you feel calm confidence and can relax into a holistic sensual and sexual connection with another being, you can thrive in your relationships and deepen in spiritual connection as a couple.

If ongoing group support feels useful, you are welcome to explore the Thriving Now Circle.

Published Mar 2010 · Updated Aug 2026