Watch, Then Practice
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Tune to the Right Amount of Responsibility
Teaching a very young child a self-care task is different from carrying the same responsibility for an older child. Stress may signal that you are trying to hold more responsibility than is appropriate for their age and capacity.
Notice the personal meaning underneath the task. Does an unbrushed tooth, unfinished chore, or late morning seem to prove that you are a bad parent? That agenda can add pressure that the child feels and resists.
Tap with “It Is All on Me”
Side of the Hand: Even though I feel like this is all on me, and if I do
not manage everything it will never happen, these children are their own
beings. I choose to release some responsibility in an age-appropriate way.
Top of the Head: It would be easier if I did it myself.
Eyebrow: It feels like this is all on me.
Side of the Eye: Doing everything for them would not teach the skill.
Under the Eye: Part of my role is to teach care and responsibility.
Under the Nose: I can allow appropriate consequences.
Chin: I can remain available without carrying everything.
Collarbone: Maybe this is not all on me.
Under the Arm: I can let go of some of this stress.
Take a breath.
Use Natural Consequences, Not Stress-Fueled Punishment
Children need support and limits appropriate to their development. Practical consequences can teach how choices affect time, comfort, health, money, play, and the family. A consequence intended to punish often carries a different energy from one intended to teach.
Ground before the conversation. Ask what would help the child take more ownership. Be clear about what you will remind, what you will no longer carry, and what happens next.
The steadier your nervous system, the less likely the child’s primitive brain is to react mainly to your stress. You can offer a strong position without trying to control another human being completely.
Browse the complete course
Stress Relief on Tap — Welcome
Getting Started
Inner Stresses
Clarity, Inner Critic, Resistance, and Feelings
- 02-01 · What Do You Do When You're So Stressed You Can't Think Clearly?
- 02-02 · Messages You Tell Yourself
- 02-03 · Resistance to Have-to's and Should's
- 02-04 · How Can Being WITH Your Feelings Help?
Disappointment & Doubts
Out In This World Stress
It’s Life… and We Must Process It
Productivity Stress
- 03-03 · There's Not Enough Time! What Do I Do?
- 03-04 · What Do You Do When People Are Constantly Pulling at You?
Relationship Stress
- 03-05 · Do You Feel Guilty When You Say No to People?
- 03-06 · Tapping for Stress Due to Isolation and Loneliness
- 03-07 · Stressed Out Wondering If the Relationship Is Going to End?
- 03-08 · How Do You Deal with the Stress of Ulterior Motives?