Loneliness is hard. It can “eat into you” and make you feel sad and hopeless.
Whether you’re with a long term partner you don’t connect with deeply as you’d like… or you are single and don’t want to be anymore… if you feel lonely, you probably aren’t enjoying life nearly as much as you’d like to.
If you’ve been feeling lonely, here are four steps you can take to start changing this pattern and make it easier to attract someone who is a sweet match into your life.
1) If you have subconscious beliefs that finding a partner is in any way dangerous or that you don’t deserve to have someone love you… you will find yourself missing connections and not noticing people that could be a good fit with your life.
Say out loud, “I am ready to have a romantic partner in my life.” Notice how true that feels 0-10 where 0 means “not at ALL true, you’ve got to be kidding!” and 10 means “Absolutely, totally, unconditionally ready for the right partner!”
Does any part of you feel tense, angry, or scared at the thought? If so, do some tapping (EFT) on whatever memory, belief, or fears that come up.
It can be easier to work through these blocks with help. Our group coaching program is a great way to get support and insight while connecting with people and changing the trend from lonely to loved. (Many of us learn to feel safe in friendships first, before we are ready to move to romance).
2) Once you clear those blocks, it can be really helpful to spend a bit of time writing down what you want.
What kind of romantic relationship do you want? Do you want to live together? Get married? Spend quality time together? Do you love cooking? Being cooked for? Sharing or eating out? Write out what really turns you on about a romantic relationship. What is the experience you want to have?
Next, look at what you’d like to receive (tenderness, great listening, financial support, closeness, intimacy, passion, peace… your preferences do matter!).
You may also find it helpful to write out what do YOU bring to the relationship. Often people get very clear about their vision of Mr. Right or The-Future-Ms-Perfect. That’s good. But be clear about what you are offering. Are you offering home cooked meals every night, or that you will help financially support a restaurant-of-the-day lifestyle? How much DESIRE and INTEREST do you want to offer your mate? Look at what you want to receive and see how you’d like to offer your own flavor of that.
And where you are clear about what you don’t want (from painful experience perhaps?), turn it on it’s head. Alcoholic in the past? Perhaps you now want to co-create a safe, interesting, and healing space where being fully and deliciously present is natural and deeply desired by you both.
Making those things conscious and clear can help you tune your vibration to attract what you’re looking for.
3) Start noticing the times you do feel connected. When we don’t have a romantic partner, we can be very aware of the lack.
By paying attention to the times we do feel loved and supported, we start tuning our systems to bringing more of that into our consciousness.
It can be small things. Did your cat purr when you petted him this morning? Did someone smile at you as you walked in the store? Did a friend send a nice card for your birthday?
Allow yourself to appreciate what you do have in your life and say your version of “Thanks, Universe, please send more!” The post, Allowing Love may help with this.
4) And of course, you can do some tapping!
Start with the loneliness…
Karate Chop: Even though I feel so lonely I think my heart may break, I am taking steps to feeling more resilient and loved as we speak.
Even though I’m tired of being lonely, and I want to find someone to love right now, I am willing to accept myself as I am.
Even though I am lonely and it hurts, I send myself compassion, and I ask the Universe to help me make warm and rich connections of all kinds.
Top of the Head: I’m so lonely.
Eyebrow: I’m tired of hurting.
Side of the Eye: I want someone to care about me.
Under the Eye: I want someone to care about.
Under the Nose: I feel like I’ve been alone for a long time.
Chin: I ask my heart to help me.
Collarbone: I want to find a good partner.
Under the Arm: Someone who connects with me at a deep level.
Top of the Head: I am so lonely.
Eyebrow: And I’m sending comfort to myself right now.
Side of the Eye: Sometimes it feels like no one cares.
Under the Eye: But I’ve decided to be open to noticing all the ways the Universe sends me love.
Under the Nose: I want to feel more connected.
Chin: More supported.
Collarbone: Even if it is just a stranger’s smile.
Under the Arm: Or a friend’s hug.
Top of the Head: I have been lonely.
Eyebrow: But I’m connecting with myself right now.
Side of the Eye: And I’m taking action to bring more love into my life.
Under the Eye: I’m soothing myself with tapping.
Under the Nose: I’m feeling a bit more confident about reaching out.
Chin: I’m ready to find a warm, rich connection.
Collarbone: I’m ready to radiate love.
Under the Arm: Thank you, Universe, for helping me feel better.
Top of the Head: Thank you for loving me so deeply.
Take a deep breath.
Notice what came up.
Was there any resistance or fear? If there was a sense of hopelessness, or a thought that “I don’t get to be loved,” that is probably an early belief that got stuck. What does this remind you of specifically?
Once you’ve soothed the loneliness, you can do some tapping asking the Universe to help you find the connection you want. This tapping can help whether you want to deepen a current connection or find someone new:
Karate Chop: Even though I haven’t had a partner in a long time, I’ve made a lot of changes and I ask the Universe to help me met someone special.
Even though I struggled with this in the past, I’ve made a lot of changes, and I’m open to this being surprisingly easy.
Even though I’ve been lonely a long time, I’ve released those old traumas and I’m ready to connect in love.
Top of the Head: I’ve been alone a long time.
Eyebrow: I’ve grown and changed.
Side of the Eye: What if it’s a lot easier now?
Under the Eye: I know it used to be hard…
Under the Nose: But that was a different time and place.
Chin: My heart is full of love…
Collarbone: And I don’t feel as scared.
Under the Arm: I invite the Universe to help me find someone I connect with deeply.
Top of the Head: I’m ready to give this a try!
Eyebrow: I can even take it slow.
Side of the Eye: That might feel good.
Under the Eye: And if I get scared or uncertain…
Under the Nose: I can tap…
Chin: And ask for help.
Collarbone: What if this could be surprisingly easy…
Under the Arm: And even really, really fun!
Top of the Head: I have changed a lot.
Eyebrow: I think I’m ready for romantic love.
Side of the Eye: I’ve learned to love myself.
Under the Eye: And now I’m looking for someone to share myself with.
Under the Nose: I ask the Universe to help me bump into that person.
Chin: Someone to share my love with…
Collarbone: Please draw my attention to someone with matching desires.
Under the Arm: So we can create wonderful experiences together.
Top of the Head: I can’t wait to see what the Universe sends!
Take a deep breath.
Feel free to add more rounds. You can use phrases from your description of your ideal mate, and what you’d bring to the relationship.
Pay attention to your body as you go. You may find you become tense or resistant at unexpected places (like when you say, “think I’m ready for romantic love.”). Even if it doesn’t feel logically true, if your body reacts to a thought with tension, some tapping can help clean up your vibration and give you Clarity. Our primitive brain sometimes makes unexpected leaps, and our fears are not always logical… even if they’re ultimately intended to keep us safe.
If you’re ready to transform your life and connect deeply, our group coaching program is a great way to practice allowing support and caring in… and release your old blocks to love. Join us Today – we’re currently offering a 21-day free introductory membership.
We’d love your feedback. What blocks you from allowing deeper and more satisfying love? What stops you from attracting or finding more tenderness and warmth? Did this article help? Please include your comments at the end of the article below or send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.