Listen (01:03:25) or Download MP3
This is the outline for the call Pro-Active Approach to Safety which is a part of our Body Vitality Workshop as we focus on Body Safety with co-hosts Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli. We are joined on the call by Vivian Cannataro, EFT expert from Toronto who specializes in using EFT to help people pro-actively create safer and safer environments as well as healthier and more respectful relationships. You can listen by clicking the play button above or by downloading the MP3 at the link shown.
– Disclaimer: Reconnecting with your body is wonderful. But it may bring up a lot of emotions at first. Remember to be responsible for your own safety. If too much is coming up, feel free to stop. Do some tapping, or whatever self-calming techniques you use. Get some one-on-one help if you need it. Grounding techniques may be helpful.
Intentions for the call:
– What is safety?
– How does our body tell us there is danger?
– Why we might ignore our guidance
– Being safe in social situations
– Moving toward safety if you’re in an unsafe situation
– We’ve had 3 calls on body safety where we addressed feeling more confident and secure when we were in a safe place.
– Now we’d like to talk about recognizing our body guidance when there is either potential for someone crossing our boundaries or actual danger.
– Vivian Cannataro is uniquely qualified to help us with this. She has several years of experience working with women who have experienced domestic violence.
– Vivian is a trauma counselor and EFT-Cert I practitioner working in the Toronto Area.
– Prior to her private practice, Vivian worked for several years as a front line counselor at Rape Crisis Centers and Women’s shelters in the Toronto area.
– Vivian works primarily with women and children and specializes in working with survivors of sexual assault.
– Apart from one-on-one sessions, Vivian also holds speaking engagements with youth across Ontario high schools speaking to teens about healthy and unhealthy relationships, A Proactive Approach to Dating Violence.
– She also facilitates numerous workshops for women focusing on personal empowerment.
– Vivian can be reached at email@example.com
Establishing what safety means to you
– Safety: freedom from danger, risk, or injury
– A feeling of respect. No threats to physical, emotional or mental being.
– Safe environments/relationships
– What is a relationship?
– Someone you have frequent and intimate contact with. Friends and coworkers and relatives.
Recognizing when you feel safe
– See Body Safety Call 3- Boundaries for other examples
– Imagine that you are in a very safe and comfortable place. Notice what you feel and where you feel it in your body. It may feel different for different people. Your breathing may be lighter, warm tingly feeling in your chest, relaxed posture, etc.
– Now imaging you in an unsafe environment or with a person who makes you feel threatened. Notice what you feel and where. Some people might feel a knot in your stomach, tightness in your upper thighs, tension in your neck. These signals are how your body tells you DANGER, BAD SITUATION. (Although it may NOT be. Best to trust the signals regardless. Monster in the bushes… move!)
– Imagine situation where someone is crossing your boundaries, but not threatening you with a big danger. Notice your body. These signals are some quieter warnings your body might give you if someone is disrespectful, not paying attention to your boundaries.
– Learning to notice and honor what your body is feeling – learning to trust your instincts.
– Tapping phrases: E.T. I don’t always trust my feeling…..
Exploring reasons behind resisting/ignoring your intuition
– Don’t want to feel dramatic
– Feeling embarrassed if you’re wrong
– Not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings
– They might get angry
Follow your instincts, they are usually right
– We know when we feel safe and when we don’t.
– Even if we can’t explain why, we know in our bodies that something isn’t right.
– Remember being a kid and getting a good mark on something and feeling excited and happy about it.
– Then remember getting a not so good mark and feeling that embarrassment or not in your stomach.
– Our body’s signals are imperative to our physical and emotional well being.
– Body awareness should be developed and trusted not smothered and suppressed because we might be worried about what someone else might think.
– If your body is telling you that something is not right, honor it…your feeling as just as valuable as anyone else’s.
– We are all born with instinct, we’ve just spent so much time having them suppressed (parents, loved ones, friends, co-workers, etc.) or suppressing them ourselves that we now have to get back in touch with our own intuition.
– Getting back in touch with our instincts won’t happen overnight, there is lots of unlearning to do.
– Be patient with yourself. Just start by NOTICING when something doesn’t feel right.
– What about when our body DIDN’T warn us and we were hurt?
Defining a safe and healthy relationship:
– Being able to express your opinions and having them heard and respected.
– Knowing that your partner feels that your needs are just as important as his/hers.
– That you have the space to grow as an individual at your own pace and in your own way.
– That you can change your mind at anytime and not feel threatened or made to feel ashamed.
– That you have an equal relationship- no power struggles.
– That you are not responsible for your partner’s behaviors or feelings.
– That you are worthy and lovable, as is.
– That you feel respected and valued.
– Think about one of your closest relationships for just a minute.
– It can be a relationship with a parent (that’s always a good one :0), a friend, co-worker OR partner.
– Now, I just want you step back for a second, be the “observer”. Ask yourself, “How much do I contribute to this relationship?”
– “How much do they contribute to this relationship?”
– “Do I feel supported?”
– “Do I feel appreciated?”
– “Do I support them?”
– Asking yourself these questions and answering honestly (as the ‘observer’) can be very difficult, however, it can also help you to start recognizing what is healthy or not.
– I realize that a 50/50 relationship at all times is impossible, however, feeling respected and valued should always be present in any relationship.
Defining an unhealthy relationship:
– You feel intimidated and threatened – not even sure why.
– Feeling that you have to justify everything you do.
– Never feeling appreciated or valued.
– Always feeling that anything you do in never good enough for your partner.
– Being made to feel responsible for your partner’s behaviors.
– Being made to feel less important than your partner.
– Power struggles.
– You find your self worth dropping, your energy dropping.
Again, as “observer”. ; Do you feel that there is an equal balance of power in your relationship? Or is there a constant struggle to over power? I can discuss the 3 types of power here that I talk to the teens about.
– Learn to recognize early signs of unsafe environments. Listen to your body; what is it saying?
Establish your boundaries in all relationships – what does being treated with respect mean to you?
– Discuss with a friend or journal about what actions are a NO for you, so they are conscious.
– Think about what actions might be a warning for you (if they are very negative, always blaming their boss, ex, dog for what’s wrong in their life, not taking responsibility, are inattentive, or very self focused, etc).
Being safe in friendships and work relationships
-E .g. a friend that drives recklessly, puts you down all the time.
– If you have a friend who drives recklessly, how do you feel, what would you like to say…
– Boundaries do not have to be confrontational.
Some pro-active safety tips before going out on a date:
– What do you know about this person?
– Are you looking forward to seeing him/her? (or are there social or other pressures causing you to agree? Insecurities?)
– Is there alignment… head, heart, gut, groin?
– Decide ahead of time what you will do if this person acts inappropriately (ask yourself, “what is appropriate for me?”)
– Listen to your instincts, they are usually right
– Find out about this person from mutual friends if possible
– Do you doubt his/her honesty, sincerity, behavior? What are your instincts telling you?
Some pro-active tips while dating and establishing new relationships:
– First dates – plan to date in groups or with another couple if possible.
– Date in a public place.
– Know your surroundings – try to arrange a place that is familiar to you
– Let others know where you are going and details about the person (where you met them, name and phone number, etc)
– If you feel uncomfortable, even if you can’t explain why, do not hesitate to leave or get help
– Notice how he/she treats wait staff, valet, taxi driver, etc. This is a good indication of what kind of person they are.
– Arrange your own transportation so you can leave.
– Bring some money so you have independence. Don’t feel obligated to stay because you need the other person to pay.
– After 1st date- things to watch out for: How positive they are? How respectful? Do they apologize for mistakes? Try to change things they agreed to? Keep promises?
– Be aware of the primitive triggers… “bad boy”… someone not interested and you want to “make” the person “want you.” Go back and tap on those habits or triggers.
Safety planning if you feel that you are in an unhealthy relationship
– We can discuss safety planning if living with an abusive partner.
– Also discussing ways to get safe – emphasizing to follow your instincts as they are usually right.
– It is better to be wrong and look like an idiot than to be right and be hurt badly.
– Get help
– TALK TO SOMEONE. This is a proactive step toward safety- trusted friend or helpline. Get an objective opinion.
– Tap while you talk to them so you can be more present and can more easily seperate out what is objective and what is their own agenda.
– Sometimes it’s really hard to see what going on in the forest when you’re standing in the middle of it.
– Staying silent can be detrimental to your well being.
– Hard to recognize danger on own… gradual escalation (e.g., first date scenario)
– Ideas of helping organizations: Call a women’s help line, go on-line, ask at the library or church.
– Talk to someone that you trust, that you know, beyond any doubt that they love you and have your best interests at heart. (And ideally who have safety and respect in their relationships already.)
– Ask them what they think about your relationship.
– Listen, listen, listen as the observer.
– Additional resources – highly recommend “The Verbally Abusive Relationship – How to Recognize It and How to Respond” by Patricia Evans.
– Being aware and alert.
– Paying attention to the body.
– Notice what your feeling.
– Being calm and confident that you can create a safe environment
The detailed outline for our first call on Body YES and Body NO: Learning to Listen to the Body’s Intuitive, Intelligent Guidance can be found here:
The second call covered The Vibrational Scale: A Guide to Understand and Improving Your Vibrational Trend. A detailed 6-level Vibrational Scale (an evolution of the one proposed by Abraham-Hicks) can be found along with the call outline on the Thriving Now website at:
Our intention with the Body Vitality Workshop is to help you…
– develop an amazing relationship with your body…
– help it feel surprisingly safe, calm, and confident…
– listen to and follow its intuitive guidance…
– consciously direct its vibrational trend towards total well-being…
– and delight in the pleasures of food, movement, and touch in healthy and balanced ways.
It doesn’t matter if you’re over-, under- or at your perfect weight, hate the pains in your back, think you don’t have enough muscles, feel clumsy, or your nose is funny….
We’ll focus on developing practical body guidance, feeling safe in your body, appreciating and accepting where you are (as hard as that can be sometimes), and removing blocks to moving forward towards a more powerful, healthy, vital body. We’ll have specific calls on eating for the body’s needs… and for its pleasure! We’ll also use EFT to bring relief to pain and suffering… and bring more fluid movement to your body from your head to your toes.
In the members-only forum we’ll have ongoing discussions on each of these topics… as well as mutual support and encouragement to guide this process.
If you would like to participate in this workshop and bring increased vitality and power to your body, become a team member.
In addition to the Body Vitality Workshop series, as a new team member you also have immediate access to:
– The recordings and discussion forum for the Attracting Financial Abundance Workshop series
– Over 500 hours of recorded group coaching calls
– 10+ teleclasses a month
– 7 private group coaching forums
…all based on EFT, the Law of Attraction, and the vibrational approach to Thriving… NOW!
We looking forward to tapping with you!