Body YES and Body NO: Learning to Listen to Your Body’s Guidance

In school I learned to analyze problems and use my BRAIN to decide what to do. I’ve been blessed with a good brain. Yet I discovered that logic alone, unbalanced by heart and body wisdom, led me to stress, worry, and an incurable (so they thought!) dis-ease.

My road back to health started many years ago with a simple directive from my coach:

Go within. Listen. Follow.

I had no clue what that meant when she first told me. I did not understand, much less respect, that my body could be a superior source of practical guidance. It took me years to develop the deep intuitive sense that I now trust for decisions big and small. Yet even the first baby steps I took changed the course of my life in a satisfying way.

This guide helps with:

• recognizing your own Body YES and Body NO signals
• quieting the inner critic enough to sense deeper guidance
• using EFT tapping when fear, guilt, obligation, or self-doubt muddy the signal
• starting with small choices so your body guidance becomes practical
• discerning between primitive-brain reaction and calm inner knowing
• respecting your body’s wisdom without forcing yourself to obey it perfectly

On September 7, 2008 my co-host Cathy Vartuli and I held a 97-minute teleclass on Body YES and Body NO: Learning to Listen to the Body’s Intuitive, Intelligent Guidance. It was the first topic in our Body Vitality Workshop.

What follows is the living essence of that class: the core teaching, the practice exercises, and the tapping that helps make body guidance safer and more usable.

What Body YES and Body NO Mean

Your Body YES and Body NO are not abstract ideas. They are the way your body participates in guidance.

A Body YES might feel open, warm, clear, softer, brighter, more alive, more relaxed, or more like relief. A Body NO might feel tight, heavy, braced, dull, closed, pressured, contracted, or like a subtle “get me out of here.”

Those signals can show up visually, audibly, kinesthetically, emotionally, or as a whole-body knowing. Some people see brighter or dimmer. Some hear an inner yes or no. Some feel open or closed. Some get a gut sense. Some notice energy moving toward or away from something.

There is no one correct signal. The practice is learning how your body talks to you.

For me, Body YES and Body NO are part of becoming internally referenced. When you can feel your own inner guidance, you are less open to coercion, manipulation, and fear-based pressure. You have access to your own Best Teacher, right inside your own body.

That does not mean we throw away our brain. A good brain is a gift. It means we let the brain, heart, gut, body, and spirit come into a more useful conversation.

Go Within, Listen, Follow

Going within can sound vague until you practice it.

Start simply. If it is safe and comfortable, let your eyes close or soften. Let the outer world be the outer world for a moment. Take a breath that is right for your body. If a deep breath is not right for you, imagine a soft breath instead.

Follow the breath inward. You might imagine it moving through the heart, down the center of the body, to the base of the spine, and gently back up again. You might place a hand on your heart and notice the quiet point at the top of the inhale and the bottom of the exhale.

That quiet point matters. Intuition often comes in the gap between thoughts, between breaths, between the surface noise and the deeper current.

If you are very mental, like I was, the first thing you may hear is not guidance. You may hear chatter:

• This is silly.
• I don’t know how to do this.
• I am wasting time.
• I will never get this.
• I am afraid of what I will find inside.

Good. Now you have something real to tap on.

Tapping: Feeling Safer Going Within

Practice One: The Hug Exercise

This is one of the easiest ways to begin feeling Body YES and Body NO.

If it feels safe, imagine you are about to receive a hug from someone you love and trust. Someone whose presence feels good to you. Notice your body.

What changes?

You might feel softness, warmth, openness, a glow, an open door, a desire to move closer, or a sense of being able to breathe.

That is a Body YES.

Now come back to the present. Shake out your hands. Feel the chair or the floor. Reset.

Imagine receiving a hug from someone you do not trust, someone you really would rather not have touch you. Notice your body.

What changes?

You might feel tight muscles, a withdrawing, heaviness, a wall, a stomach clench, a turned-away feeling, or a very clear “no.”

That is a Body NO.

Now come back to the present again.

Finally, imagine a hug from someone you feel a little uncomfortable with. Maybe a newer acquaintance. Someone you do not dislike, exactly, but hugging them would feel awkward. Notice your body.

That may be a soft NO, a maybe, or an “okay, but not much.”

This matters because life is full of those softer signals. Not everything is an absolute yes or an absolute no. Sometimes the body says, “This is okay, but be aware.” Sometimes it says, “Not now.” Sometimes it says, “Yes, but only with this boundary.”

Practice Two: Food, Choice, and Practical Guidance

Pick a food you love and have no conflict about eating. Imagine it in front of you, available in abundance. Imagine taking a bite. Notice your body.

That is a Body YES in the realm of food.

Now reset. Imagine the last food you would ever want to eat. Imagine trying to eat it. Notice your body.

That is a strong Body NO.

Now imagine a food you do not really like, but you might eat a little of it to be polite. Notice your body.

That may be a soft no.

This is not about making food choices perfect. It is about building the skill on something small enough that you can practice without making your whole life depend on the answer.

When I was learning, my coach had me ask simple questions like: water or Coke? Orange juice or lemonade? One more bite or enough? Salmon or ribs?

Sometimes the guidance surprised me. Sometimes it was not logical. Sometimes my body wanted four sips and then said, “Thank you, that was perfect.” That kind of small practical listening builds a palpable sense of guidance.

Start small. Let your body be right about little things before you ask it to help with big things.

Tapping: I Can’t Get This

Many of us have an inner critic that jumps in fast. It has an opinion before deeper guidance has time to breathe.

If your critic says, “I can’t get this,” tap with that. Do not argue with it first. Let it be heard, softened, and updated.

Guidance, Fear, and the Primitive Brain

One of the most useful distinctions is this:

If your primitive brain is active, it is probably not the best moment to decide based on “guidance.”

If you want to fight, flee, freeze, collapse, prove, obey, rebel, or disappear, your system may be in survival mode. That does not make you wrong. It means the first step is to come back into your body.

Breathe. Ground. Tap. Walk. Drink water. Feel your feet. Let the nervous system come toward neutral.

Then ask again.

Guidance tends to have a quality of calm knowing, even when it is not what the mind expected. Fear tends to feel urgent, pressured, contracted, and noisy. The inner critic often speaks quickly and insists loudly. Inner guidance may be quieter. It may feel like a warmer current underneath the surface chop.

There can also be mixed signals because different levels are speaking.

At the heart level, you may know a relationship, job, habit, or pattern is complete. At the practical or social level, it may not be a yes to make a sudden dramatic move today. That does not mean the guidance is wrong. It may mean: ask for the next baby step.

Body YES and Body NO are not meant to turn us into reckless decision-makers. They help us become more conscious and better timed.

When Obligation, Guilt, and Shame Block the Signal

Many of us were trained out of body guidance.

Maybe your body said no to hugging someone, but the adults required it. Maybe your body said no to a food, and someone forced the issue. Maybe your body had a yes to play, move, laugh, rest, or explore, and a big external NO came crashing in.

Over time we may learn to tune out the body. We may become “well-behaved” by ignoring our own yeses and no’s.

Obligation, commitment, guilt, and shame can all pull us out of guidance. They can make a Body NO feel dangerous. They can make a Body YES feel selfish.

When those energies are present, I do not recommend bucking the stream too quickly. Instead, start with respect:

“Thank you, body. I hear that this is a no.”

You may still choose to do the thing. You may still go to the dinner, attend the meeting, finish the task, or keep the commitment. But now you are not abandoning your body. You are including it.

Then you can ask:

• If this is a no, is there a yes somewhere inside it?
• Is there a smaller step that feels better?
• Is there a boundary that would make this more okay?
• Is the timing wrong?
• Is there a way to bring myself with me instead of leaving myself behind?

Sometimes the yes is not obvious yet. That is okay. You may not be deep enough to hear it today. You can still honor the no as useful information.

Tapping: When My Body Says No

Practice With Small Choices

Big issues have big energies. If you ask your body for guidance about a life-changing decision before you have built the skill, the answer may be covered by fear, hope, guilt, fantasy, urgency, and old trauma.

Start smaller.

Ask:

• water or tea?
• this task or that task?
• one more bite or enough?
• reply now or after a walk?
• turn left or right?
• this chair or that chair?

Then notice what happens.

Your body may be wrong sometimes, or more accurately, you may not hear it clearly at first. That is part of learning. Guidance is more like a GPS than a perfectionistic authority. If you miss the turn, it recalculates. It does not shame you. It simply offers the next possible route from where you are.

The more you practice, the more fluid the language becomes.

When It Is Not Ripe Yet

Sometimes you will not get a clear answer because it is not time.

There may be something you need to learn first. Someone else may need to come into the picture. A resource may not be available yet. Your energy may not be aligned to action today.

Do not eat the mango before it is ripe.

A Body NO does not always mean never. Sometimes it means not now. Sometimes it meansnot this way. Sometimes it meanslet it sit on the counter for a few days.

If you cannot get clarity, look for the first small step that feels like relief. Or tap on the noise that is present: fear, guilt, shame, urgency, resentment, confusion, self-criticism.

Reduce the noise and the path often becomes clearer.

Summary: This Is a Skill

Body YES and Body NO is a skill. We can practice it, refine it, and continue to deepen it for a lifetime.

The simple rhythm is:

1. Accept that you are where you are.
2. Relax into the body.
3. Quiet the outer noise when you can.
4. Let yourself sink below the inner noise.
5. Receive what comes.
6. Follow with curiosity.
7. Start small.
8. Tap on the blocks that arise.

Be curious rather than judgmental. If judgment shows up, that is not failure. That is another signal. “Ah, inner critic is here.” Tap. Breathe. Listen again.

Any movement toward quiet, relaxed, embodied listening is healing. From there, guidance gets more practical, more trustworthy, and more enjoyable.

Session Audio

This guide was adapted from the first Body Vitality Workshop call with Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli.

Download MP3

Related Guides

• Body Vitality Workshop
• Do You Feel Safe in Your Body?
• Reconnect with Safe and Happy Feelings
• Creating Safe and Healthy Boundaries