Do you ever have that inner conflict… you WANT to try something new (explore a new park, find new friends, learn a language) and part of you seems to WANT to sit on the couch and watch that old rerun while you eat some chips?
We’ve all been there!
The conflict and inner struggle can end up sapping all of your focus, so all you have energy for is another rerun. And yet another day passes in the same old way. You haven’t taken action to create your dreams. You’re stuck in your old comfort zone… or maybe your dead zone!
When we stop beating ourselves up for our lack of forward motion, and ease the inner struggle… in the quiet that follows, we find powerful insights to help us release these patterns.
Please understand… there is nothing wrong with sitting on the couch, watching reruns, or eating chips if that’s what you choose! We all need to chill sometimes. It’s when the hours, days, weeks and years of our life start slipping by, and struggle becomes resignation, then defeat, THAT’S when we need to make a change.
1) First of all, pick ONE thing to focus on. What is one idea you’ve been wanting to follow through on that seems interesting?
If you try to change your whole life and tackle all the projects you put off for a few decades… your system will feel overwhelmed and tend to crash.
If you find yourself INSISTING on doing it all at once, recognize that as a defense mechanism designed to slow you down or stop you. Get some help. Talk it through with a friend or get some coaching to help you efficiently and effectively work through this.
And as always, feel free to share this newsletter with your friends and families. The more self-aware, powerful people you’re around, who can support you and be role models, the easier it is to move forward with your dreams! (We have such a group of people already; you’re welcome to join us.)
2) Make sure this is something you WANT to do for you, or CHOOSE to do, not something you decided you SHOULD do.
You may have a project for work that isn’t that juicy, in which case it’s easy to blame your boss or resist. If you can remember that most projects can be pretty fun… IF WE REALLY TUNE IN and are present with them. And if you can’t find any “juice” you may want to renegotiate with your boss and find out if there are other solutions. Or trade the dull parts with a co-worker who loves that kind of work!
If this is a personal project, why do you think you SHOULD do it? What emotional experience do you think it will create? Is there some other, more delightful way to get the same emotional experience?
3) Once you have your single focus, ask yourself: what is one thing I could do to get this project started? If you want to learn a new language, you might google “language lessons” for your area, or browse Amazon for 20 minutes to find some audios. If you already have audios, could you gather pen, paper, and headphones so you’re prepared to listen?
Make this first step SMALL. See if you can make it no more than 30 minutes, and ideally, 2-5 minutes.
The key is to train yourself to take small, positive steps and to appreciate and congratulate yourself. You’re building up a muscle and it’s ok and healthy to take it in bite-sized increments!
4) Notice what fears and resistances come up when you do this or plan your next step.
This is the part most people avoid. They don’t want to think about their fears, so they run away, and end up back on the couch with the chips. (Or they say, “The Law of Attraction says not to!”) Resistance is resistance. Denying that resistance exists is like denying that you have ANTs at times.
So… Write down what you notice, even if it seems “silly” or “stupid” to you. Our subconscious brain isn’t always logical, and the issues that “don’t make sense” are often the ones keeping us stuck!
5) Tap on the issues that you wrote down in #4. Release the fears and worries that are holding you back. Share them with a friend. Work with a group – sharing fears and shames with a safe group can rapidly transform the “rules” in your subconscious mind.
6) PRAISE yourself! Pay attention to the good things you did, rather than the fact you didn’t get more done.
It’s easy to notice how much remains left to do and get discouraged. Those ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) and defense mechanisms can creep in when we least expect them!
Pretend your subconscious is a small dog you want to behave in a certain way. Yelling at the dog just makes him afraid. Praise for the good things will have that dog jumping up to look for the next way he can be “good” and earn more appreciation.
7) Go back to step 3, choose another small task, and take action. Keep noticing your fears and resistances… and tap tap tap. And praise yourself when you do!
To use our example of learning a language, your next small step might be to listen to 15 minutes of audio, tapping whenever you feel resistant. Then celebrating the progress you made!
So that’s your action plan. We’d love to know what you think as you follow it through and start creating experiences that you’ve been longing for!
And before we end, let’s do some tapping to help you quiet that conflict and struggle, so you can hear your inner wisdom and follow your bliss!
Karate Chop: Even though I have this inner conflict, and it’s wearing me out…Part of me wants to create and play, and part of me wants to stay here on the couch, I deeply love and accept myself and am open to a new solution.
Even though I don’t really love and accept myself, I’m really frustrated, and I have trouble moving forward around this, I’m open to inspiration and new perspectives.
Even though this struggle and blame feel awful, I do have some steps to follow now. And resolving this conflict will bring joy and ease to my life.
Top of the Head: I’m tired of this struggle!
Eyebrow: I don’t want the days of my life to slip by!
Side of the Eye: And this conflict is causing stress and anxiety.
Under the Eye: I’m tired of being stuck in my dead zone.
Under the Nose: I am a creator.
Chin: I want to learn and to play.
Collarbone: Part of me is scared…
Under the Arm: And is holding me back!
Top of the Head: What if I stopped fighting and blaming that part?
Eyebrow: What if I stopped blaming me?
Side of the Eye: I could ASK that part of me what it is resisting.
Under the Eye: I could communicate with myself.
Under the Nose: I bet that part of me has a good reason.
Chin: Even if it is a bit out of date!
Collarbone: If I listened, I might be able to clear this conflict up.
Under the Arm: It might even be easy!!
Top of the Head: I declare peace with myself.
Eyebrow: I invite communication and understanding.
Side of the Eye: I don’t need to blame myself or anyone else.
Under the Eye: I can ask and listen…
Under the Nose: And Tap and Clear.
Chin: In fact, I’m doing that now!
Collarbone: I can change this conflict,
Under the Arm: Into alignment.
Top of the Head: And then I’ll be able to create my heart’s desire!
Take a deep breath.
We hope this helps you start creating and adding joy to your life. Each time we do that, it does change the world!
We also invite you to join our Thriving Now Team. When we’re surrounded by others who are taking action and clearing their blocks, we get inspired (and feel a LOT safer than if we’re making changes all alone)! Your primitive brain will be encouraged and delighted!
If one of your comfort zones is around relationships, we recommend two new coaching products for you. The first is Breaking Out Of Your Shell.
The second is Creating Connection: Finding and Deepening Love, Passion, and Playfulness in Relationships. You can learn more about these by visiting the links or our Solutions Center here: