April 7, 2020 by Cathy Vartuli

Tapping on Body Image, Shame, and Self-Confidence

by Cathy Vartuli

You can watch the video and tap along, or read and tap… whichever you prefer!

What’s your body image like?

Most of us are so used to feeling a particular way about our body and how we walk through the world that we don’t even notice that we might have a negative body image. We don’t realize we have a negative image of ourselves….even as it reduces the confidence, the connection, and the passion we have in life!

Are you just like a fish in water who doesn’t realize it’s in water? Are you swimming in the bath of negative constant subconscious and conscious beliefs about yourself?

I would like you to look at this with me because releasing this can dramatically change how you interact with the world.

I know.

I’m Cathy Vartuli from ThrivingNow.com. A few years ago, just over two actually, I was afraid to date. I didn’t have relationships. I didn’t have a lot of friends. I worked a lot. I keep waiting for the weight to disappear so that I could start getting out there and date. I haven’t been in a relationship in 14 years. That’s a long time to be lonely. That’s a long time to wait.

One day I realized that I could keep waiting,  and maybe when I was 65, 75, 85, or 100, I might wake up and wonder, “Where did my life go?!?!”  …or I could stop waiting and I could get out there!

Since then, I’ve done a lot of work on myself. I’ve changed how I view myself and my body. My whole world was changed.

I can guarantee you the media and society haven’t changed their stereotypical beliefs about fat and overweight people. Nothing’s really changed “out in the world.”

My body really hasn’t changed. As a matter of fact, my boss, someone I’m very close to … just went through a really tough medical thing … he was out for months. We weren’t sure he’s going to make. I actually gained a bit of weight just because I was stressed and I was looking for comfort. I’m really glad I had that comfort to give myself.

The truth is I’m very happy. My life is really joyful. I have plenty of dates. I have wonderful friends. I’m making a difference in the world.

Nothing out in the world changed and my body didn’t change. What changed was what’s in my head and in my heart.

I went from someone who would sit home most nights eating while watching TV, to someone who’s travelling all around the country, talking on radio stations, and at national conventions about how we can accept ourselves, love ourselves, and start getting out there.

I’d love for you to start changing how you talk to yourself. Changing the dialog you have with yourself can change your life from very heavy, negative and horrible, to something really beautiful!

I used to wake up every morning and I would look at myself in the mirror and I would tell myself, “Oh my God. You are so fat and ugly. I just wish you’d change.” I wasn’t even noticing I was doing it… the negative self-talk was just so constant. I would shame myself. I would beat myself up. And I wondered why I felt so sad and down most of the day!?!

Once I stopped doing that, I was surprised at how different life looked. How much more confidence I had!

I started just reaching for neutral. “Okay. Let’s not say anything horrible to myself, because it wasn’t a good way to start off the day.” And I gradually started finding things I loved about myself.

When I saw that other people didn’t view me the way I was viewing myself, the way I told myself I had to be viewed, things started changing really quite rapidly. I found that I could really love my body and be amazed what a miracle it is. It does so much for me. It allows me to experience the world, to touch people and be touched. Once I started enjoying my body and myself, life started getting really sweet.

I know some of you think that you can’t possibly change how you view yourself because if you do, you may even slip further into the depths of despair. I thought that way for a long time… if I stopped beating myself up for being fat that I would gain weight.

Actually, I stopped beating myself up and I was just happier.

If shame worked, with  all the shame out there, we wouldn’t have two thirds of the population that’s considered medically overweight or obese. Shame doesn’t work. When you start loving yourself, you at least have a firm place to stand. Some people do find that their weight changes because of this, and some people don’t, but they’re happier at any case.

Let’s do some tapping (click for a free EFT Manual) on letting go of the shame and letting go of the negative thoughts we keep telling ourselves.

First, take a nice, deep breath and put your feet on the floor. When we’re present with ourselves, we start making a bigger difference faster.

We start with the Karate Chop: Even though I’ve been beating myself up for years, in fact I’ve done it for so long I don’t even notice it anymore…  I’d really like to start changing this right now.

Even though I’m afraid to let go of this negative voices, I’m afraid that all that’s between me and weighing 500 lbs… What if the shame doesn’t help? What if the shame just gets in the way of me and life?

Top of the Head: I’m ready to start living my life more deeply.
Eyebrow: I want more joy.
Side of the Eye: Don’t I have to beat myself up for that?!
Under the Eye: What if I don’t have to?
Under the Nose: What if my body is doing its best right now?
Chin: What if it’s at a weight that it thinks is safe?
Collarbone: What if my body is doing what it thinks is best to help me be safe?
Under the arm: Maybe I could start thanking it.

Top of the head: I’m fed up with beating my body up.
Eyebrow: I’m so good at beating it up.
Side of the Eye: I’ve done this for years.
Under the Eye: Would I treat a pet this way?
Under the Nose: Would I treat a child this way?
Chin: Give them constant barrage of negative information?
Collarbone: I don’t think so.
Under the arm: Why do I treat myself this way?

Top of the head: What if I could start being kinder to myself?
Eyebrow: What are three things I could appreciate about me right now?
Side of the Eye: What if I could start walking through the world…
Under the Eye: With less shame?
Under the Nose: I’ve been piling a lot of shame on myself.
Chin: What if I stop doing that now?
Collarbone: What if I started appreciating myself?
Under the arm: Loving myself a little bit more. ..
Top of the head: I bet I’d walk through the world differently… and that might make all the difference in the world.

Take a nice deep breath.

When we start looking at how we view our bodies, how we view ourselves, and how we walk through the world, we see that there’s a direct correlation.

You might think that people aren’t attracted to overweight people or people that are bigger. I think really the truth is there are some people that have preferences for skinny people and some for curvier or bigger. AND, I think almost all people don’t enjoy being around someone who is sunk deep in shame. I think shame doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel sexy. They don’t go together.

How many shameful people have you seen that are authentically sexy and charismatic?

We all have some shame but the ones that are deeply sunk in it can have trouble seeing that. It was where I was for a long time. I just never could figure out why people weren’t connecting to me at the level I wanted to be connected at.

The less ashamed we are, the easier it is to create those connections. The more delightful they’ll be.

Invite yourself to start treating you in a different way, and find a little bit more of that sexy, joyful confidence that you’d like to walk through the world with.

Let us know what you think. Please leave comments on the ThrivingNow.com site. Let us know if you agree or disagree.

Notice what comes up for you. When did you learn you had to beat yourself? Was that really true or was that a two or three-year-old trying to be safe in the world? We invite you to start being more confident right now!

Warm wishes,


  • Amazing. Thank you so much, I am going to practice this tapping everyday. Namaste

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