December 6, 2011 by Rick ~ Thrivingnow

Can Saying NO Bring You More Love?

By Cathy Vartuli, Emotional Freedom Coach

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. ~ C.S. Lewis

Most of us crave more affection. We want to feel loved and cared about. And we want to share more affection with others… but we don’t know if it’s safe or what the other person will accept.

It can be confusing, too. If I hold your hand, am I making a commitment of some kind? Does it mean I always have to hold your hand? Or only hold your hand and no one else’s?

Unless we have clear boundaries, reaching out or receiving affection can be frightening. Rather than learning the skills (and there are specific skills and mindsets you can create to make this easier) to say no, most of us run around in self-contained bubbles, isolating ourselves to protect us from the slippery slope of desperation.

It is desperation in a way. Most of us are in our bubbles, starving for affection. So when we get any, we don’t stop and question it. We don’t decide consciously whether to go forward… we get sucked in out of hunger. If we haven’t been out on a date in months (or longer…) and someone that seems presentable is interested, we go out with him. And if he holds our hand and it feels good, we can easily find ourselves sliding downward into relationship, without ever choosing to be there. In this scenario, we have to decide on whether we want a deep commitment before we hold hands, because we don’t know how to get out other than running away.

If we learn the skills to have a NO… a healthy, self-honoring, compassionate NO… we can allow affection more easily. We can come out of our bubble, and be more open to kind words, gentle touch (from friends and partners), and feel nourished and loved. We aren’t starving when that cute guy asks us out, so we can approach with more confidence and clarity. We can say no if he isn’t a good match, or move forward step-by-step without worrying about the boundary-less slide. We can hold hands if it feels right, without needing to be committed to sleeping with him or marriage or anything else.

Can Saying NO Bring You More Love? 1If you’d like to learn these skills and release your blocks to saying No, so you can have more affection in your life (and create the happiness you want), we’re offering a coaching series called Breaking Out of Your Shell where we address strategies, tools, new perspectives and to let you break out and start a new way of engaging with people you love in a safe, empowered way. You can allow affection. You can feel safe. And you can start doing that now!

If you know someone who could benefit from this, feel free to pass along the gift of this empowered way of being. Thank you!

To learn more, visit:


Here is some EFT Tapping to help you get started right now.

Karate Chop: Even though I don’t feel safe saying “no”, I do want more affection and clarity in my life, and I’m open to learning new skills that will help with that.

Even though I thought saying no would push them away, not bring me more love, the way I’ve been doing it hasn’t worked very well, and I want new techniques and insights.

Even though I thought it was out of my control, I enjoy feeling powerful and I want to own my own “no” and feel safe allowing affection in my life.

Top of the Head: I want more love.
Eyebrow: I want to feel cherished.
Side of the Eye: Could a “no” really help with that?
Under the Eye: I do want to feel empowered.
Under the Nose: I do want to feel safe.
Chin: If I could have a strong no, would that allow me to open up?
Collarbone: It would help me feel safer.
Under the Arm: It would make me more confident.

Top of the Head: Insecure isn’t sexy.
Eyebrow: I do want confidence!
Side of the Eye: I can’t buy a “no” at Target,
Under the Eye: And I really want one!
Under the Nose: But I can develop one inside me now.
Chin: I choose to learn these skills.
Collarbone: I choose to reclaim my power.
Under the Arm: I lost my “no” long ago.

Top of the Head: And it’s time to get it back!
Eyebrow: I can learn how to say no,
Side of the Eye: I can decide what I want…
Under the Eye: That would be a new way of doing things.
Under the Nose: I bet I would attract all kinds of new things with my new vibration.
Chin: I could create a world where I get affection easily.
Collarbone: Where I feel loved and cherished.
Under the Arm: And I could freely share the love that’s in my heart.
Top of the Head: That would feel delicious!

Take a deep breath.

How safe does it feel to say “no” now? What expectations do you have if you say no?

Join us for this coaching series as we share with you how to have a powerful “no”, so you can connect as a powerful, loving adult! Break Out of Your Shell today!

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