June 14, 2023 by Cathy Vartuli

Tapping To Release The Pain of Betrayal and Abandonment

Rejected and AloneMy therapist just told me he is no longer doing private sessions. I feel devastated and abandoned. I know there are other therapists, but I trusted him and now he’s not there anymore. I feel betrayed, like there’s no place else to go. –Kim

Cathy answers: I do know how that feels, Kim. I’m sorry.

Before I found EFT Tapping, at the end of a session, my therapist of 2 years told me he wasn’t going to see me anymore. He thought I wasn’t making progress so we were done. He said I could come back the next week so he could refer me to someone else, but we weren’t going to do any more therapy. I was devastated. I was already depressed and hurting, and this on top was horrible!

I can also say it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

As I was leaving (sobbing uncontrollably), he casually mentioned I should check out some of “those energy therapies.” That’s when I found EFT Tapping.

EFT transformed my life in ways I wasn’t even hoping for back then… I couldn’t imagine feeling this good.

And finding EFT also introduced me to Rick and all we create together. That pain was a doorway into a new life that I cherish.

I know none of that takes away from your pain. I just wanted to offer your intellectual brain some hope. Things do get better and sometimes the worst experiences can turn out to be gifts.

What would you do for a friend who had a loss like this? Make her tea? Give her a blanket and a box of tissues? Quietly listen and hold her hand? Could you do those things for yourself?

You aren’t alone, either. You have Thriving Now, and friends, and you can find other people to support you, too. I know that doesn’t help when your primitive brain wants HIM… but we can heal.

I’m sorry you feel so abandoned and lost. You might try tapping on something like this:

Karate Chop: Even though I feel like I have no place else to go, and my heart is breaking, I ask for help and comfort.

Even though I feel devastated, betrayed and abandoned, I ask for peace and comfort and a new direction.

Even though I trusted him and he left me crying all alone, I am reading these words and tapping, and I admire that about me. I pray for relief and gentle comfort.

Top of the Head: This is incredibly hard.
Eyebrow: How could he do this to me?
Side of the Eye: I trusted him!
Under the Eye: I relied on him!
Under the Nose: He said he would be there for me.
Chin: He betrayed me.
Collarbone: He abandoned me.
Under the Arm: My heart is breaking and it’s hard to breathe.

Top of the Head: It’s so hard for me to open up.
Eyebrow: I risked so much to connect to him.
Side of the Eye: And now he’s leaving me.
Under the Eye: My heart hurts so bad.
Under the Nose: I can’t stop crying.
Chin: All this pain.
Collarbone: Echoing with old pains and betrayals.
Under the Arm: All I can do is tap and breathe.

Top of the Head: I trusted him.
Eyebrow: And he hurt me.
Side of the Eye: But I’ve been learning to trust myself, too.
Under the Eye: I’ve been learning to heal.
Under the Nose: I do have other options.
Chin: There are other people I can turn to.
Collarbone: And I can grieve.
Under the Arm: I can feel these feelings and tap.
Top of the Head: And allow my heart to heal.

Take a deep breath.

When we hurt like this, we are often grieving not only for this hurt but many others we never had a chance to heal in the past.

Tapping To Release The Pain of Betrayal and Abandonment 1As you tap, you are sending healing love to yourself now, and the hurting selves from long ago. If particular memories come up, you can tap those and that will help relieve the pain you feel now as well.

Intense grief is soothed and comforted when you have support and know we’re not alone. Even in the middle of the night, Emotional Freedom Circle Members can share their feelings and experiences on the Facebook group. Rick, Cathy, and other members can offer support and their own experiences of what worked for them. You can choose a recording from the library and listen to others who went through similar traumas and came out the other side. And you can bring your issue to a group call and feel the support and caring from all of us. (If you… dear reader… would like this, too, we would welcome you!)

(Originally published Jun 12, 2011)

  • What would you do for a friend who had a loss like this? Make her tea?
    Give her a blanket and a box of tissues? Quietly listen and hold her
    hand? Could you do those things for yourself?

  • My cousin betrayed my confidence and now I am hurt and embarassed that she repeated things I told her in confidence.  I am tapping to find comfort.

    • Such an experience is very unsettling to our primitive brain which counts on our “tribe” to protect us… not to leave us exposed and vulnerable. Tapping to let yourself know that you have the power to be okay ANYWAY can be a big help.

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