I have a conflict with a coworker. He isn’t my boss, but he is “up the food chain” and he seems to try to intimidate me. I get really nervous around him and feel insecure. What if he tells my boss negative things about me? What can I do? –Kendall
There will always be people around with more or less “authority”. There are people who have titles and those without. Some of the ones with titles have a lot of power and some don’t. It’s really about their internal beliefs and how they carry themselves… who they’ve networked with… who has credibility. Your boss can choose to listen to this guy or you, or a combination. You can’t control her or him. But it does sound like part of your terror comes from you giving up your power at the first sign of authority.
Did you learn it at a young age that you didn’t have choices? But now you do. You can love your job, but if things get really bad, you can try to fix it. And if that doesn’t work, there are other positions and other companies.
Many people talk themselves into feeling trapped. They don’t address the problem because they are afraid they’ll lose the ONLY job that will work for them. They never talk to the person they have a conflict with, their boss, HR… they just freeze in fear and stay “trapped”. That’s hard on the body. It’s hard to thrive if you’re terrified all the time!
If you give away all your power, some people will take it. And it sounds like he’s looking to establish his “power-over” anyway. If he thinks he can intimidate you, he will probably push a lot harder than if he sees someone confident and calm, owning her own power, ready to face the world.
I know you have an aspect of you that does have hope and a personal power. That part of you asked this question and and is willing to tap and take care of herself. Can you ask that powerful part of you to help you say no? To stand up for you?
Karate Chop: Even though I feel completely powerless and I hurt badly, I don’t want to stay in this disempowered place, and I ask the part of me who knows how to have power to help me.
Even though I’m used to being powerless and giving in to their demands and needs, I choose to reclaim my own power NOW, bit by bit.
Even though it terrifies me to do this, I’m tired of staying here hurting. I choose to reclaim my power and internalize it. I choose not to give it to him or her or them.
Top of the Head: They have all the power.
Eyebrow: They decide if my life is good or bad.
Side of the Eye: I hate how this feels.
Under the Eye: But I don’t feel like I have any power.
Under the Nose: I gave it away a long ago.
Chin: It wasn’t safe to have it then.
Collarbone: But I can have my own power NOW.
Under the Arm: I choose to take steps to reclaim it NOW.
Top of the Head: I’ve felt adrift, at the whims of others.
Eyebrow: I choose to STOP NOW.
Side of the Eye: I do have a choice.
Under the Eye: I can give my power away or…
Under the Nose: I can claim it and say NO.
Chin: I’m tired of being pushed around.
Collarbone: I’m tired of struggling to find a place to stand.
Under the Arm: I claim my own worth and power NOW.
Top of the Head: He may not like it.
Eyebrow: I’ve been trained to please.
Side of the Eye: I choose to please MYSELF now, too.
Under the Eye: It’s ok if he’s unhappy.
Under the Nose: I claim my happiness, too.
Chin: It’s not my job to make him happy.
Collarbone: He may think it is…
Under the Arm: But that’s his problem.
Top of the Head: I claim my life and my power, and ask the powerful part of
me to help me.
Take a deep breath.
See what comes up and continue tapping if it feels right. You can start reclaiming your power in small amounts right now. Does that feel safe? If not yet… you found another tappable issue! Congratulations!
You can love and accept yourself no matter what. You can stand up for yourself. You aren’t 3 or 4 or 5 years old. You’re an adult woman and you have the power, if only you take it up and use it.
If you want more help reclaiming your power, confidence and happiness, join our Group Coaching Program today! Isn’t it time you took a stand for you?