How many of us have been at a party and felt out of place?
It’s easy to pretend that next time it will be better. Next time you’ll have the perfect costume, be 10lbs slimmer, have the joke ready at hand. We all dream that the next time we won’t feel alone and scared.
The truth is, the main problem is the mental blocks and decisions made long ago. They hold us back and stop us from connecting or feeling relaxed and open.
If we have a fundamental belief that we don’t fit in, our subconscious will seek to make that true… no matter how many jokes we know, how great our outfit, or how slender we are. In fact, our subconscious will sabotage our efforts to get the things we say we want. (If you decide you can’t date until you lose those last 20lbs, and you are also afraid of dating, those last 20 lbs will stick like glue!)
Very few of us were taught how to connect with people. We learned the best we could from those around us. We may have read some books on etiquette, but that doesn’t tell you how to be close to others, just which fork to use.
The people we watched and learned from were as lost as we are. They learned to pretend and act while they felt alone and scared. To go home exhausted… dreaming that the next time they would have it all together and it would feel natural and easy…Like they belonged.
If you’re tired of trying to fit yourself in the plastic mold you thought you needed to be… if you want to be yourself and have the skills to do that with confidence… if you want some skills to help others open up and be themselves so you have a natural, warm connection…it’s time to Break Out Of Your Shell!
There are some specific techniques and skills you can learn that will help you feel more at ease. Along with tapping to change the fundamental beliefs, we need concepts and new ways of looking at connection. This new understanding can help us feel safe and grounded even as we reach out, and comfortably accept attention from others.
If you’d like to learn these skills, we’re offering a coaching program called Breaking Out of Your Shell where we address strategies, tools, new perspectives and to let you break out and start a new way of engaging with people you love in a safe, empowered way.
Let’s do some EFT Tapping to help you feel more like you belong now.
Karate Chop: Even though I feel so alone and out of place, what if I do belong…and it’s just some beliefs in my head that keep me stuck?
Even though I feel scared and uncertain, and I dreamed of being FIXED… what if I am okay, and I just need to change my perspective and learn some new skills.
Even though I thought I had to be different to fit in, maybe I can fit in just as I am, and I can tap to release these old beliefs and rules I created long ago.
Top of the Head: I do feel alone sometimes.
Eyebrow: I never show people who I really am.
Side of the Eye: I keep trying to pretend to be what they want.
Under the Eye: And I have no idea what that is.
Under the Nose: I keep twisting myself up in knots.
Chin: I feel stuck and afraid.
Collarbone: I feel like I’ll never fit in.
Under the Arm: And that makes me so sad.
Top of the Head: What if that plastic person I pretend to be doesn’t fit?
Eyebrow: What if the real me does?
Side of the Eye: It takes a lot of effort to pretend.
Under the Eye: I would love to be accepted for who I am.
Under the Nose: I don’t want to pretend anymore.
Chin: What if I can learn these skills?
Collarbone: I’ve always dreamed of fitting in.
Under the Arm: I dreamed of laughing naturally and easily.
Top of the Head: What if I don’t have to try harder.
Eyebrow: I get to try something different!
Side of the Eye: I get to be me.
Under the Eye: And there are ways to make that feel safer and easier.
Under the Nose: I can learn them.
Chin: I can tap and relax.
Collarbone: I can feel safe.
Under the Arm: I can have a sense of belonging.
Top of the Head: Just like I always dreamed of!
Take a deep breath.
Notice what’s in your heart. Some of us have decided “we didn’t want it anyway” when we didn’t get what we wanted time and time again.
Our hearts don’t lie. Listen to the quiet request to belong to yourself, to accept yourself, and then let that self shine out and attract others who get you. If you want to feel confident connection in a new way, keep tapping and showing up. And learn relationship and self-management skills that you may have missed as a child.
If you want to change how you feel at your next party, Break Out of Your Shell today!