February 11, 2017 by Cathy Vartuli

I Don’t Feel Like I Belong

What I am really missing in my life right now is the feeling of belonging. Even with close friends I’ve known for years, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere or with anyone. Looking back, I can see that I have felt this way as long as I remember. Any suggestions? — Patty

I Don't Feel Like I Belong 1We know this isn’t a good feeling… And yet it’s great that you are seeing this clearly now and can work on it. Often, we get so used to feelings we just take them for granted. Ignored pains don’t heal.

So if you can, just be with the feeling and tap. Imagine that the part of you “holding” this feeling is a scared little girl… what would you do to help her feel safer and more connected? Could she connect with you?? Inner tapping is a great way to clear this energy and help you feel closer and safer with people.

You might be surprised how many people feel the same way right now. We have Group Coaching members working through this, sharing their fears and limiting beliefs and releasing them so they can feel confident and connected.

Let’s do some tapping together. Of course feel free to change the words to fit what feels right to you!

Karate Chop: Even though I don’t feel like I belong, and I’ve felt this way as long as I can remember, I’m open to looking this feeling square in the eye instead of running away like I sometimes do.

Even though its hard to face this feeling and this belief… a part of me is convinced that I don’t belong… I choose to love myself anyway, and tap so I can find acceptance of myself… limiting belief and all.

Even though it feels so true, maybe I do belong and this is just an old belief. What if I can belong to me? What if I can love me and finally feel safe enough and acceptable enough to belong?

Top of the Head: I don’t belong anywhere.
Eyebrow: I don’t belong with anyone.
Side of the Eye: I’ve always felt this way.
Under the Eye: Even among friends.
Under the Nose: I’m afraid this is the truth.
Chin: I’m afraid I just don’t belong.
Collarbone: It makes me scared to look at this belief.
Under the Arm: What if I can’t handle the truth?

Top of the Head: But I am tired of running.
Eyebrow: I want to change this…
Side of the Eye: And to do that, I need to look at it.
Under the Eye: Maybe I don’t belong.
Under the Nose: Maybe I do.
Chin: If I don’t look, I’ll never know.
Collarbone: I choose to face this feeling…
Under the Arm: And love myself anyway.

Top of the Head: I never felt like I belong.
Eyebrow: That feels so sad and overwhelming.
Side of the Eye: Maybe I was trying to fit with people who didn’t resonate.
Under the Eye: Maybe I didn’t know where to look.
Under the Nose: I have new skills now.
Chin: I have new guidance.
Collarbone: I choose to accept myself as I am.
Under the Arm: I think that means I at least belong with me!
Top of the Head: And that feels so good. Maybe that will give me room to find others I connect with too…

Take a deep breath.

I Don't Feel Like I Belong 2How does that feel? What memories and feelings do you notice coming up? Can you tap on them?

You may want to ask yourself if you are afraid of belonging, as well. Some people feel like they lose their boundaries and choice if they’re too close (which is a tappable issue as well!).

We’re holding good thoughts for you. You are welcome to join our Group Coaching Program or check out our Free Yourself Program so we can help you clear this energy pattern and find a sense of belonging and completeness.

  • “Even though its hard to face this feeling and this belief… a part of me
    is convinced that I don’t belong… I choose to love myself anyway, and
    tap so I can find acceptance of myself… limiting belief and all.”

  • Misspants13 says:

    I am struggling with feelings that I do not want to accept myself-I am unacceptable.  This emotion runs deep within me on numerous levels.  These feeling wash over me and bring up so much panic of me not being good, not deserving happiness, not deserving to feel better; it is very overwhelming for me to deal with.  I have tapped for a long time and will continue, however; there is a part of me that can not accept that I could be good.  Waves of sadness come over me and I hear that I do not matter enough to heal-I am not worth it-I do not matter.  These feelings are frightening to me because I believe them and feel very dis-empowered.  There is a bully that lives inside of me and she-he-it, is out of control. 

    • Remember, we ARE acceptable. So an emotion that we are not is a lie. A lie that we may have HAD to believe and adopt to stay safe for a time, but a spiritual whopper of a lie nonetheless.

      Carol Look often asks the question, “What is the downside of letting go of this belief?”

      For some it is that if they really know their worthiness, then they are confronted by how wickedly cruel and unloving those that raised them actually were. When we were in the midst of their inflicted traumas and terror, KNOWING that would be devastating. FAR FAR easier psychologically to “know” that it is us at fault. ‘Cuz then we feel like we might be able to fix it. The fix is actually to grow up and get away from their energy, both physically AND inside our head.

      What is it for you?


      • Misspants13 says:

        I feel like it is not letting go of me.  I feel powerless when the feelings come up.  I believe them every time and right now I do not feel like I have a choice. 
        I guess the down side is that I have to accept how I feel about myself and there is so much fear there; it is not clear to me why and maybe it doesn’t matter why.  But I am not sure how to let go.

    • Unfortunately, I get you, I have the same feelings. I feel like I am unacceptable, because my only identity is a good student and good housewife. I don’t know nothing else: I am rarely funny, I am scared of other people and their liveness and I become mute in so many situations – I just lose myself. That’s why I feel I am unacceptable, because people doesn’t like when someone is so quiet, and uninteresting. I am scared to lose my funny boyfriend and my friends full of life and self-esteem, because I am started to shut out from them. I am trying to convince myself that my past where I have made so many wrong choices doesn’t matter, but whenever I have to make a move in my life (like start volunteering, working as psychologist, play with friends children etc.), I feel dread. I have very bad past experiences – I have isolated myself in my elementary and high school, because I couldn’t make friends, without feeling inferior and lost. I just couldn’t connect with other children, I couldn’t enjoy in children’s play, now I am scared I have lost my opportunities to connect with people in right way, and that is too late.

      • Hi Mia. It isn’t too late. I was a super shy, introverted child, who grew up into a super shy, awkward, introverted adult. I learned skills that helped me interact with people and I started making more friends. I have really amazing people in my life now. All you need to do is help your primitive brain see this as safe (tapping is AMAZING for that), and learn a few skills, and you can create a whole new way of being. It isn’t something that won’t take courage, but it is possible! We have programs that help people with the skills and the primitive brain! (Breaking Out of Your Shell, Reprogram Your Primitive Brain). I hope you find help here or somewhere- you deserve to connect, and the world needs your light.

    • Hi misspants 🙂 you describe my feelings EXACTLY here. I’m wondering if you have found anything helpful in the last four years? x

  • its intreating isn’t it – so many with the same feelings – i have them to – i don’t fit anywhere….i am beginning to realse that although I feel these emotions they are really cultures…that we are entrained by so much culture …not good enough , no value, not fitting in ….i don’t feel that they are MINE anymore…rather they are part of the cultural trance i’ve been indoctrinated into ….

    • We all get “domesticated” and I feel that conscious evolution is about recognizing the indoctrinations and beliefs that no longer serve us and… intentionally co-creating new patterns that do! Thanks for the comment! -Rick

  • I am afraid of belonging.
    I am afraid of being “swallowed up” was what came to me as i saw that i was afraid of belonging. I am afraid of the control & manipulation by my belonging to a group. This comes from an over-domineering sister who pushed me around and i didn’t have a life of my own. It is safer not to belong.

    • If “belonging” is not what feels good to you, what would? A sense of being FREE *and* connected to other freedom-loving people?

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