April 1, 2020 by Rick ~ Thrivingnow

Heartbreak and Breakups: Empowering and Comforting Yourself During and After

by Rick Wilkes

Heartbreak and Breakups: Empowering and Comforting Yourself During and After 1Wouldn’t it be affirming, amidst the pain that naturally comes when relationships change, to hear from your dearest friends:

“Wow, you’re handling this SO well.”

“I’m really proud of how you’re behaving amidst all this.”

“OMG! How are you not freaking out?!? That would kill me!”

“The consistently graceful and kind way you are treating your former lover throughout all the twists and turns of this change helps me feel really secure and safe being open and loving with you. You’ve proven to me how amazingly steadfast and resilient your love is… no matter what. I trust you now more than ever… and that’s saying something!”

If this is how you’d like to be… no matter what happens in your love relationships and partnerships… then let’s continue…

When love relationships are the dearest part of your life, and you’re also someone who is growing and changing emotionally and spiritually… well… you’re going to have some loverships and friendships either end… or at least morph into something quite different than they once were.

For us lover-types, breakups and heartbreaks are a part of life we must learn to handle WELL, ideally with surprising grace and resilience.

If we don’t learn this skill and develop a circle of support to help us through transitions, we’ll shut down and not open ourselves to love. Without heart-healing skills, it no longer feels safe to love. That’s why so many people walk around emotionally fragile and closed off. They’ve been hurt, and they have yet to heal.

For me to stop LOVING would be like for me stop BREATHING!

So I’ve HAD to learn and practice emotional skills like EFT Tapping. I’ve used tapping to soothe my primitive brain when it freaks (and it will)… to clear old traumas that come up (and they will)… and to keep self-doubts from taking over (and they will try).

Tapping has helped me personally feel surprisingly calm and confident… even through: a separation and divorce after 22 years together, leaving another satisfying business relationship of 9 years with men and women who I admire and enjoyed very much, the sudden termination of a deep friendship and business partnership of 7 years when her personal circumstances radically changed, and most recently the end of my primary lovership of 4.5 years and its transformation (so far!) into a mutually comfortable, supportive friendship with her and her kids.

That’s a lot for 5 years, eh? Clearly, tapping does not magically mean that all your love relationships will last forever no matter what. That would be goofy. Some relationships run their course in a month, a year, a decade. Others lose the safety, respect, and freedom that true love needs to flourish. It’s spiritually wise to recognize this and accept it as part of being a loving, engaged person. Tapping can keep the lines of communcation and love open, and soothe the minor griefs and heartbreaks that occur even within awesome relationship, too… to keep the connection vital and loving.

What tapping can also do is help make sure that YOU live happily ever after with YOU, that YOU continue to grow in love of self and love connection with others… no matter what. It helps you remain open and available for connection.

And it works. I’ve stayed confidently open to love. That has meant that during this same time period, new core relationships have arisen that serve my needs and my heart so beautifully. My best friend and business partner Cathy is a shining example of that. Tapping has helped us stay strong in our shared mission to help The People Like Us Who Love to LOVE feel good about themselves, to clear the old traumas and release the fears, and to confidently co-create powerful love connections.

Today, I have healing partnerships which are flexible and healthy. I am engaged with clients across the world and feel enriched by the sense that we are joined TOGETHER in this work. I am at peace in my heart when alone… and open and receptive when with my safe and happy friends.

I’d love to hear your questions and feedback in the comment section at the bottom of the page here.

  • Ruthsansmcs says:

    Thanks Rick, this was great. I needed to read this now, since I have lost all of my primary
    relationships in the last 10 years due to my chronic health issues, loss of my home, my husband,
    (cancer), and loss of my ability to work productively. Now I have further losses since I developed
    electrosensitivity and must leave the apartment that I have been in for nearly 6 years.
    I very much need a close relationship with myself at this time, one in which I build myself up rather than hopelessly tear myself down further.
    God bless,
    Ruth R.

  • Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and insight.  It was something I truly needed to think about today and is something I need to continue to practice.  It’s a wonderful feeling to know that we are not alone in our journeys. 

  • Rick- this was good to hear.  I am going through a divorce after 35yrs and it wasn’t my idea.  I did finally agree when I saw that there was no way to save the marriage.  The last few years have involved a lot of mental abuse (as a way to make me agree).  However, I am love and I had to find a way to deal with this where I could heal myself and also not feel hatred, revenge or any negative emotions towards him.  I realize he doesn’t deserve that from me.  He is just him.  I don’t agree with the path he is going down but I can’t save him.  I can’t save anyone.  He has to see his own mistakes and if he doesn’t, then that is his problem, not mine.  I made my suggestions, I encouraged him to change or get help and offered to walk that journey with him but he was not interested. 
    So, I have been working on myself, the only person I can help.  I used EFT a lot in that process.
    Others who are observing this cannot believe that I can have the attitude I have.  There’s a lot of people out there who think that negative emotions are the only normal reaction.  They say they admire the way I’m handling it.  Some of them mean it and some imply that I’m deluding myself.  What’s important is what I believe and that is that we are all Love.  I may not like someone’s behavior but I can still love them unconditionally as a human being.  That becomes harder, of course, if you are close to someone and that relationship goes bad.  Let’s just say it takes more EFT!!  It can be done and YOU, as a person, are better off for doing it.  To me it’s a part of personal responsibility.  I own my own stuff, good and bad.  The person I am, and want to continue being, is not negative or vengeful.  Whether or not he and I end up being friendly or never see each other again is beside the point.  It’s about me and what kind of person I am and want to be.   I take responsibility for taking the abuse because I wanted to feel like I had done everything I could to give the marriage a chance.  When I felt that way is when I agreed to the divorce.  (I could have done a better job of on boundaries but that is something I have learned also. We are always learning.)

    • “There’s
      a lot of people out there who think that negative emotions are the only normal
      reaction.” It’s so nice to hear from a kindred spirit. There are those whose emotional lack of savvy leaves only negativity as a way to create “exit velocity” or to keep away. I’m glad we’re different. I honor your choices, and if there is anything I can do to support you, let me know -Rick

      •  Thank you, Rick.  I appreciate you.  Right now it’s a matter of ‘keep on keepin’ on’.  Putting one foot in front another and keep going.  Once the divorce is done I’ll have more choices and I’m already planning for those.  It’s not easy starting over at 65 but I’m looking forward to a new, and better, life.

  • When is your session? I don’t want to miss it!

    • Looks like DAY 7 is when my Tapping World Summit session will be broadcast. Hope you enjoy it!

  • Rick, thank you for that writing. I am in the middle of break up,  it is more the ending of a long unhealthy abusive relationship. I am learning not only to stay in a state of love but to belive in love again, to admit to myself that I can be lovable, that I can give love and accept it and what I am really grateful for is that I hear that it is possible. That out there, there are people that can do it and have the courage to be lover-tipes, eventhough life is presenting them  love in other ways than they have wished for or expected to get it. Love is state of being but for me is still challenging to be in it when I am with people. Luckily there is EFT and you great people to remind me of it. Thank you Rick and others. 

  • Barkleyismydog says:

    I am also in the middle of a 34 yr marriage break up, my husband committed adultry on me because we were in an accident and I couldnt do my wifely duty, because of the lower back pain. Also I am a surviver of rape and insest, so with that on top off the divorse I tried to end my life twice since october and ended up at a mental hospital. There is were I learned to do this Tapping Technique. WHAT A WONDERFULL THING!! I am greatfull that the first night back home and trying this technique I actually felt some calmness over me. Thank you again for this I am going to teach my grandson so he can use it in school as well.

    Jessica A
    Tucson, AZ

  • Jean Puhlman says:

    Rick, what a wonderful talk this was. I wish I’d known about it during breakups in my past.  As a life coach this talk will help me help my clients and also friends.  Much of what you said applies to other areas of our lives too because it doesn’t only need to be lover breakups but friends and also loss through death. These can be applied for the grieving process too, which all breakups basically feel like.

    Blessing, Jean

  • Listened to your presentation yesterday. It is by far the Best of all I have heard so far during the Tapping Summit. Your views, expressions, advice and even the sound of your voice are all very soothing and comforting. I am new to EFT but know that it will be a constant part of my life going forward because of people like you. Thank You for all you do.

  • Jewelof71 says:

    I’m very disappointed I missed the podcast. When will it be available for purchase?

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