I’ve been trying to set boundaries with my spouse, but he just ignores them, no matter what I say. It’s really frustrating! I’m trying to learn to stand up for myself, but this is hard! My heart is hurting. –Lorie
We’re sorry you’re hurting. You are trying to set boundaries with someone when he seems to have a lot invested in the status quo.That’s never easy.
Can you at least appreciate yourself for your effort? We do! Healthy boundaries enhance the lives of all of us.
Of course, when someone won’t honor our boundaries, we don’t feel safe or respected. We won’t feel good around that person until the situation is corrected — it’s guidance! But we can accept ourselves anyway.
Using Energy Tapping (EFT) we can also regain our clarity. Tapping starts with an honest statement about how we feel. Go someplace safe and say aloud how you feel… tapping while you do.
How about something like (change the words as fits your feelings):
Karate Chop: Even though he is an ass, and just ignores my needs and safety, I choose to respect myself anyway.
Even though he doesn’t treat me with respect, and just ignores my boundaries, I am learning to love and accept myself anyway.
Even though his defense mechanism is to shut down, and that leaves me feeling disempowered and hopeless, I choose to notice the power I do have, including tapping on these feelings right now.
Top of the Head: This feels crappy.
Eyebrow: He isn’t treating me with safety or respect.
Side of the Eye: I’m hurting and feeling discouraged.
Under the Eye: I hate being ignored.
Under the Nose: He doesn’t have any room for me.
Chin: How can we have a relationship without an interaction?
Collarbone: I feel unseen and unheard.
Under the Arm: I’m not sure what to do.
Top of the Head: I am tapping.
Eyebrow: At least I have that power.
Side of the Eye: He seems to want all the power in the relationship.
Under the Eye: That isn’t a yes for me.
Under the Nose: I choose to reclaim my power.
Chin: I’m not sure how yet…
Collarbone: But I’m open to guidance and clarity.
Under the Arm: I ask the Universe to help.
Top of the Head: This is really hard for me.
Eyebrow: I honor my courage and my strength.
Side of the Eye: He doesn’t have room for me.
Under the Eye: But I’m creating a new relationship with myself.
Under the Nose: One with lots of room for my needs and wants, too.
Chin: I like that I can learn to respect myself.
Collarbone: I like that I’m learning what my needs are.
Under the Arm: Maybe he can’t hear me.
Top of the Head: But I’m hearing me just fine.
Take a deep breath.
One step in boundaries is knowing what is acceptable to you and what isn’t. That is, of course, confusing for people who were not raised in a home with healthy boundaries for the adults AND the children. If that’s the case for you, learn more about boundaries. Exploring ways to communicate what is necessary for you to feel safe and respected. Know that is it okay to have a plan for what to do if the boundary isn’t honored, too.
We help people with issues like this all the time in our Group Coaching Program. If you’re ready to have better boundaries and to speak up for what you want, join us today!