January 7, 2014 by Cathy Vartuli

Grief Over Losing a Loved One

bigstock-Closeup-of-girl-crying-with-te-26175470I just heard that someone I cared about passed away. She wasn’t someone I was close to day-to-day. In fact I hadn’t seen her in a couple years. But she was very kind to me when I was a confused and lonely teenager, and I liked knowing she was in the world.

I didn’t expect to feel the grief and sadness I’ve been experiencing. She was someone who knew and loved my father, had fun stories about things we’d all done together, and she genuinely seemed to love me.

Most of us have lost someone, and grief can come in layers. Just when we think we’re done… we find another chunk of it. Unexpressed grief can keep us from living as fully as we’d like.

Whether you lost a family member, a beloved pet, or heard that a college roommate passed on, doing some tapping can help you release the loneliness and sadness that can well up unexpectedly… or lurk in the corners of your mind.

One of the things I love about EFT Tapping is that it allows us to test how clear we are. Tapping won’t create beliefs that weren’t there. It always leads us closer to the truth. So if you tap on something that isn’t true for you, all you get is clarity. It’s delightful to do some tapping on an issue that used to be huge for you… to discover that it’s much smaller or might even have disappeared!

Would you like to do some tapping on grief? On missing someone you love? Tap along. Feel free to change the words to better match what you’re feeling or use the words shown here and get clarity on where you are at as you release your pain.

It is ok to cry and laugh and feel angry or sad as you tap. See if you can allow all your emotions and feelings as you process. Doing so will reduce your internal resistance and clear much more deeply. And if you have lots of pain around loss, get some help from a coach or therapist so you can be supported while you clear.

Karate Chop: Even though she died, and I feel unexpectedly sad, I am ok right now, and I am loved.

Even though I miss her being part of the world, love is eternal and I can allow that love to support me now.

Even though this grief makes me feel so alone and isolated, thousands of people have tapped along with these true feelings and I can tune into that energy and feel the community and strength we all generate.

Top of the Head:  I’m so sad!
Eyebrow: My heart hurts.
Side of the Eye: I feel alone.
Under the Eye: I miss her!
Under the Nose: I wish she would hug me one more time.
Chin: I wish I could tell her I loved her again.
Collarbone: This hurt is more than I want to face.
Under the Arm: And I wish someone would make it all go away.

Top of the Head: She did love me.
Eyebrow: I’m grateful I got to experience that.
Side of the Eye: This grief hurts.
Under the Eye: And I want to clear the pain so I can connect with the love.
Under the Nose: I am ok right now.
Chin: Even though this hurts.
Collarbone: I can love and support myself…
Under the Arm: And ask my friends and family and tribe for kind attention.

Top of the Head: I’m glad she existed.
Eyebrow: She added value to the world.
Side of the Eye: I miss her so.
Under the Eye: And I can feel this grief…
Under the Nose: And release it.
Chin: So I can remember the love and joy more clearly.
Collarbone: I honor my feelings…
Under the Arm: I invite love…
Top of the Head: And I remember the warmth of our connection.

What are you noticing in your body now? Has the grief gotten a bit easier to be with? Or has it moved to a new area of your body?

It may seem like it’s never ending, but there are only so many tears. This loss may remind you of earlier pain. Reminding yourself that you have support and new ways to take care of yourself can reset some of the fear and resistance. Often our earliest pains were when we were little… and had few resources and little understanding of what was going on.  Connecting with your power and options now can comfort and help heal those old wounds.

When we lose someone, we often feel alone and isolated. Turning to friends, family, coaches, or therapists can make a big difference. Having support to work through grief can make the process much less painful and often makes it quicker.

Know that wherever you are, we’re holding good thoughts for you. Allow yourself to connect with the other people who have tapped on this type of pain, and found peace, joy and renewed love. Remember you aren’t alone!

With love,


P.S. During times like these I cherish my circle of support. If you’d like Rick and I and our tribe to be a part of yours, drop us an email at support@thivingnow.com.

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