My boyfriend stares at other women whenever we go out. It really gnaws at me – I barely look twice at other guys. Can I tap for that? — Sandra
What do you think will happen if he looks at other women? What do you tell yourself about you? That you’re not pretty enough? Interesting enough? Sexy enough? Lovable enough?
Some people like to appreciate other humans. And many people are hardwired (instinctually tuned) to notice the opposite sex. It doesn’t always mean they plan to cheat or are bored.
Have you tried talking to him about this? Asking him what he feels and notices? For all you know, he might be thinking “Thank GOD I’m not with her, she isn’t nearly as pretty or as wonderful as my girlfriend!”
We all tell ourselves stories about what other people are thinking and feeling. Many times it has NOTHING to do with the person, and everything to do with what we learned and experienced as children (or as a result of a bad relationship trauma later on). When he looks at other women, do you feel less lovable and desirable? When and how did you learn that pattern?
Tapping can help. If we feel acceptable and lovable inside our own skin, we can appreciate that our lover has a good sex drive and enjoys tuning into beauty all around, without feeling hurt or unappreciated. And if he turns out to be a dog, then we can either call him on it and set clear boundaries, or end that relationship to free ourselves to find someone who does appreciate our unique qualities and strengths. What story do you WANT to tell yourself about this?
Feel free to change the words if something else fits better.
Side of the Hand: Even though he looks at other women, and I never look at other men, so that MUST mean he doesn’t love me as intensely as I love him, I’m open to finding a new story to tell myself… and to find a surprising calm confidence in me.
Even though I feel unlovable and scared that he’ll leave me, and his looking at other women feeds the fear, I choose to change how I hold this and love and accept myself NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES.
Even though I base my self worth on his actions, what if I could see my beauty and value and claim it for myself? What if I could see that he’s lucky to be with me, and know I’ll be okay no matter what?
Top of the Head: He looks at other women!
Eyebrow: I hate that!
Side of the Eye: I don’t notice other men.
Under the Eye: I notice him.
Under the Nose: Does that mean I’m not enough?
Chin: Does it mean he doesn’t feel drawn to me?
Collarbone: It really hurts!
Under the Arm: I hate this feeling!
Top of the Head: What if the problem isn’t his looking…
Eyebrow: But what I decided about it?
Side of the Eye: I learned this pattern long ago.
Under the Eye: But I can find a new one.
Under the Nose: I’ve already started!
Chin: I’m tapping right now.
Collarbone: And I’m ready to feel more secure…
Under the Arm: And more lovable, no matter what.
Top of the Head: He does look at other women.
Eyebrow: And I can still feel good about me.
Side of the Eye: He does look at other women…
Under the Eye: And he’s choosing to be with me!
Under the Nose: I choose to love myself.
Chin: I choose to value myself.
Collarbone: No matter where he looks!
Under the Arm: I am open to calm confidence,
Top of the Head: And peaceful acceptance of who I am.
Take a deep breath.
How does that feel? What comes up when you tap? Are there specific fears and hurts that could use some more tapping? Beliefs or lessons your mother, friends, sisters, movie stars “taught” you that you can transform and release?
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