Growing up, I got in a lot of fights. If someone tried to bully me, I would fight back, even if I got beat up. Now I tend to resort to anger more than I want. Even if my boss pushes me to do something. Is there a way to change this? –Kelly
Your primitive brain has three options: flight, fight or freeze. As a child, you found that fighting was the most effective way to feel empowered and in (at least some) control.
You might start with something like this…
Karate Chop: Hey, Primitive Brain… Great job protecting me and helping me learn to stand up for myself. I really appreciate how much you’ve done and how hard you worked. I have good news for you now… There are new ways to take care of problems, and I’d love your help incorporating them into my life.
Fighting worked best back then. You did really well with that. And it’s natural to go back to what worked before . We do live in a different world now, and it’s okay… even preferable… to have new solutions.
You did learn to survive. You learned to fight back! You helped make me strong and you gave me some useful skills. I don’t want to lose those, I just want to learn when to resort to them and when to try more gentle approaches. Would you consider helping me?
Top of the Head: Fighting back worked back then…
Eyebrow: Most of the time.
Side of the Eye: I learned to stand up for myself.
Under the Eye: I sure took my share of knocks.
Under the Nose: I do want to try some different things…
Chin: But my primitive brain has the habit of fighting.
Collarbone: I thank my brain for learning those skills…
Under the Arm: And invite it to learn some new ones now.
Top of the Head: I don’t always want to fight.
Eyebrow: Sometimes other solutions feel better.
Side of the Eye: Fighting doesn’t always bring out the best in people.
Under the Eye: I’d like to try a softer… yet still firm approach…
Under the Nose: And see how it feels.
Chin: I’m not used to that.
Collarbone: But it might be interesting.
Under the Arm: It might even be fun!
Top of the Head: I am really smart.
Eyebrow: And it’s comforting to know the big guns are there if I need them.
Side of the Eye: I ask my primitive brain to help me…
Under the Eye: So I can learn diplomacy…
Under the Nose: Cooperation, and open discussion.
Chin: That works better with some people.
Collarbone: And it’s nice to have different tools in the toolbox.
Under the Arm: I thank my primitive brain for all it’s done…
Top of the Head: And invite it to help me on this new adventure.
Take a deep breath.
We know most people try to use guilt and shame to shift behaviors they don’t want. But guilt is STICKY… and behaviors you feel guilty about tend to STICK AROUND! We have a different approach as you can tell from this tapping. We acknowledge and respect the old patterns for how they did serve us, and we open doors to new possibilities.
If that’s what you want… new possibilities… then join our Group Coaching Program today. We can’t wait to show you step-by-step how empowering this can feel!