January 18, 2020 by Cathy Vartuli

I’m Afraid of Being Just Like My Mother… All Emotional and Scary

I'm Afraid of Being Just Like My Mother... All Emotional and Scary 1I’ve been working on my feelings and making progress. My biggest problem right now is since I’ve been connecting to my feelings, I find myself very scared of being like my mother. She was either very emotional in a scary way, or depressed and not available. Since I’m more aware of my feelings now than ever before, part of me thinks I’m becoming just like her. Please help! — Michelle

A lot of women are resistant to being like their mother. Some men definitely don’t want to follow in their father’s footsteps, either! If we saw our parent behaving in distressing ways, that healthy resistance towards Their Way can escalate into fear. For good reason! Who wants to be out of control, desperate, or abusive?

Rather than avoiding the feeling, sharing it and examining it can release the fear. We can connect with the parts of us that feel authentic and release the others.

We often internalize intense energies that don’t belong to us. Tapping can help us release them and feel safe moving forward to the life we want.

You can tap on the emotions and fears that are coming up around this belief, as well. Just stating the fears as you tap can feel surprisingly good! Allow yourself to notice the similarities and the differences so you can decide what feels right to keep and what is better off turned backed to the Universe.

Here’s a suggestion for tapping:

Karate Chop: Even though I’m terrified of being like my mother, and when these strong emotions come up it reminds me a bit too much of her, I’m taking different action than she EVER would have… and I’m helping my mind and body heal.

Even though my mother was trapped in her emotions… no wonder she was so scared and depressed… she didn’t have my skills or my drive to heal.

Even though I was so embarrassed and ashamed of how she acted, and I swore I’d never be like that, I allow myself to feel all my feelings and know I have a different way to handle them.

Top of the Head: I’ve been depressed, too.
Eyebrow: But I never stopped looking for healing.
Side of the Eye: I have strong emotions sometimes, it’s true.
Under the Eye: So did she.
Under the Nose: But I am doing things to heal.
Chin: I am reaching out for help.
Collarbone: I’m tapping.
Under the Arm: And I’m learning about myself.

Top of the Head: I am afraid of being like her.
Eyebrow: I do have strong emotions.
Side of the Eye: Does that make me like her?
Under the Eye: I breath air.
Under the Nose: And drink water.
Chin: So did she.
Collarbone: But we’re very different people!
Under the Arm: Maybe I can just be… me?

Top of the Head: What if I could allow my feelings…
Eyebrow: Without the judgements.
Side of the Eye: I’ve been trying to shut them down…
Under the Eye: So I wouldn’t be like her.
Under the Nose: But shut down feelings hurt!
Chin: And they’re harder to heal.
Collarbone: I choose to feel my feelings.
Under the Arm: And to know they’re mine, not my mother’s.
Top of the Head: I am making different choices, and I love that about me.

Take a deep breath.

I'm Afraid of Being Just Like My Mother... All Emotional and Scary 2Learning good boundaries, understanding our emotions, and feeling safe can help us know ourselves better and make life lots easier! Our Free Yourself Program can guide you to a more empowered and abundant life. And if you want to join us as we help you and others to really thrive, become an Emotional Freedom Circle member today!

Let us know if this helps or what it brings up? (Comments are welcome.)

Originally published May 2011


  • I’m a female single-parent and lived with my mother for 20yrs! I let my mother’s past abusive upbringing make me feel guilty. She chose not to drive, and still chooses not to do simple things like write out a withdrawal slip and makes me do it. I make sure I always payed her board, but when I would fall on hard times, she knew I’d feel guilty and alway’s reminded me when I could not pay her. One time, she even threatened to do harm to herself, leave a letter and say I did it! My biggest failure I put on myself now is how my son, 19 has adopted her sense of fear, letting me drive, doing simple things in which my mother has encouraged just so she would have someone to take care of. This script has really helped me. I family issues such as disrespect from my other siblings, being in one-way relationships with men, some of them married. Ever since I have aquired this EFT, let’s just say in short, I totally have respect for myself now. I thank you for your wonderful website and am blessed to have found it! GOD BLESS YOU BOTH FOR HELPING US HELP OURSELVES!

    •  We’re so glad EFT is helping you. The people who raise us have “access” to our minds when our whole brain/body wants and NEEDS to figure out how to live in this world. The human mind has incredible flexibility… it can learn how to survive in the Arctic Circle or in sub-Sahara Africa. And yes, it can learn to survive with a mother like yours. Amazing, isn’t it?

      Even more amazing to us is that we can truly re-create ourselves and our inner rules at any time in our life. Sure, it isn’t trivial… yet, even small steps in the direction of Freedom feel so so good to our soul.

      We honor the journey you are on, and we’re delighted to be a part of it. – Rick & Cathy

  • Thank you for addressing this topic! It helped me to say aloud what I had been feeling, but also feeling guilty for, since I knew my mom was doing the best she could. It also helps to remember the good things about her, as I keep working to heal the hurt. Blessings to you, Maritza!

    • Even if Mom was doing the best she could, which is true for anyone I feel (even if the “best” is really quite wretched), it’s deeply healing to honor and respect your own feelings, too. So glad this helped, Maritza!

    • If I let all the horrible things mom did when growing up, I would have a hard time around women, but as U said, remember the good things about her, made it possible to only thing about all the good things she did for me, boy, I miss her not living long enough to know my last kids and present grandchildren.
      Thank U all for your comments.

  • This script is universal and it works! I tapped using it several days ago. I’m amazed at how just admitting this obvious fact that I actually AM like my mother worked wonders for me.
    I am now taking this brand new view towards the health and mental issues that I inherited from my mother. I thought there was nothing I could do about them – because SHE told me so and that was HER experience!

  • anonymous says:

    Wow I’m in the same situation. I feel guilty for admitting that I am afraid to be like my mom. Her emotions have all control over her, and she has very little. It makes her become people that she isn’t, and people that have embarrassed me in the past. Because of this, I am afraid to lose control at all. I am afraid of anybody who is acting out an intense emotion, my first instinct is to run. I also cannot feel my own intense emotions, except for rarely, and feel extremely ashamed if I let people see them. I’m working on it though, and so far I’m able to show my emotions to, who else, my mother! It is not only allowing me to feel comfortable in my deep emotions, but it’s allowing me to see her in a more controlled light, when she helps me with my emotions, it’s like she’s in control of her own, she’s put herself away and she’s there for me, so we’re both growing from this.  I’m going to try the tapping, thanks for this article. 

    • Tapping can make a huge difference! When our primitive brain associates danger with intense emotions, it’s hard to be grounded, calm or confident around others. Or even ourselves! We can retune our brains to realize not everyone is dangerous- which gives us freedom and ease. Beautiful gifts to ourselves and our loved ones!


  • I’m definitely one of those “NOT in my father’s footsteps!!” people… thanks for this tapping, Cathy!

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