I’ve been working on my feelings and making progress. My biggest problem right now is since I’ve been connecting to my feelings, I find myself very scared of being like my mother. She was either very emotional in a scary way, or depressed and not available. Since I’m more aware of my feelings now than ever before, part of me thinks I’m becoming just like her. Please help! — Michelle
A lot of women are resistant to being like their mother. Some men definitely don’t want to follow in their father’s footsteps, either! If we saw our parent behaving in distressing ways, that healthy resistance towards Their Way can escalate into fear. For good reason! Who wants to be out of control, desperate, or abusive?
Rather than avoiding the feeling, sharing it and examining it can release the fear. We can connect with the parts of us that feel authentic and release the others.
We often internalize intense energies that don’t belong to us. Tapping can help us release them and feel safe moving forward to the life we want.
You can tap on the emotions and fears that are coming up around this belief, as well. Just stating the fears as you tap can feel surprisingly good! Allow yourself to notice the similarities and the differences so you can decide what feels right to keep and what is better off turned backed to the Universe.
Here’s a suggestion for tapping:
Side of the Hand: Even though I’m terrified of being like my mother, and when these strong emotions come up it reminds me a bit too much of her, I’m taking different action than she EVER would have… and I’m helping my mind and body heal.
Even though my mother was trapped in her emotions… no wonder she was so scared and depressed… she didn’t have my skills or my drive to heal.
Even though I was so embarrassed and ashamed of how she acted, and I swore I’d never be like that, I allow myself to feel all my feelings and know I have a different way to handle them.
Top of the Head: I’ve been depressed, too.
Eyebrow: But I never stopped looking for healing.
Side of the Eye: I have strong emotions sometimes, it’s true.
Under the Eye: So did she.
Under the Nose: But I am doing things to heal.
Chin: I am reaching out for help.
Collarbone: I’m tapping.
Under the Arm: And I’m learning about myself.
Top of the Head: I am afraid of being like her.
Eyebrow: I do have strong emotions.
Side of the Eye: Does that make me like her?
Under the Eye: I breath air.
Under the Nose: And drink water.
Chin: So did she.
Collarbone: But we’re very different people!
Under the Arm: Maybe I can just be… me?
Top of the Head: What if I could allow my feelings…
Eyebrow: Without the judgements.
Side of the Eye: I’ve been trying to shut them down…
Under the Eye: So I wouldn’t be like her.
Under the Nose: But shut down feelings hurt!
Chin: And they’re harder to heal.
Collarbone: I choose to feel my feelings.
Under the Arm: And to know they’re mine, not my mother’s.
Top of the Head: I am making different choices, and I love that about me.
Take a deep breath.
Learning good boundaries, understanding our emotions, and feeling safe can help us know ourselves better and make life easier. If you want to join us as we help you and others thrive, join the Thriving Now Circle.
Originally published May 2011
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