January 23, 2020 by Cathy Vartuli

Soothing Insecurity

Soothing Insecurity 1Do you find your heart hurting and your mood sinking when you notice others laughing, looking secure, being in love?

Do you see someone celebrating abundance, and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you feel resentful that they have it… and you don’t… ?

I used to think there was something wrong with me when I felt that way. I blamed myself for being selfish and needy.

I tried not to feel what I was feeling — and we all know how well that works. The harder you try to hold a beach ball underwater, the harder you have to push.

I didn’t know there was a much easier way to look at what I was feeling. I wish my journey to this knowledge had been prettier. I feel vulnerable sharing how many nights I spent twisted in pain, feeling alone and hopeless. Or how much money and time I spent researching and investigating different ways to feel better. And the distractions of food, shopping, and inane TV shows I used to hide from these feelings that wasted so many hours of my life.

I love that we can learn from each other and use each other’s experiences to stream-line our growth. We can leap frog and find ourselves jumping ahead and learning smoothly and easily.

So here is one of my “ah-ha” moments: I kept trying to turn off the comparison part of my brain. I tried to withdraw inside myself. I blamed myself whenever I felt bad (which made myself feel worse!).

The turning point came for me when I realized my feelings were indicators. Trying to turn those feelings OFF was like knocking out the headlights on a car… and wondering why it’s hard to see.

That longing is your inner being telling you what you want more of. The hurt comes from limiting beliefs you learned, saying you can’t have it.

We know how to transform limiting beliefs — we tap! And we can use the longing to guide us and help us achieve our dreams.

I never called what I was feeling, “Jealousy”. But it is. And I thought Jealousy was a terrible thing… but just like the primitive brain, jealousy can be a powerful gift when it’s tamed and understood. Fighting it feels awful and gets you nowhere. Working with your true nature and inviting help and compassion can transform how you feel.

Let’s do some tapping!

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve blamed myself for feeling bad, and told myself stories about what I can’t have, I am a powerful person and changing my beliefs will allow more love and abundance in my life.

Even though I sometimes hurt when others have what I want, and I thought that hurt meant I could never have it, maybe it was just body guidance telling me that my beliefs were “off.”

Even though I never called it “jealousy,” this feeling hurts and makes me feel hopeless… I would love to transform this and learn from the guidance hidden inside.

Top of the Head: I see so many people…
Eyebrow: Who have what I want.
Side of the Eye: It hurts!
Under the Eye: I’m afraid I’ll never get it.
Under the Nose: I’m afraid I’m flawed.
Chin: Inadequate or damaged in some way.
Collarbone: Why do they have it…
Under the Arm: While I don’t?

Top of the Head: What if I could turn this belief on its head?
Eyebrow: What if there is love and possibility…
Side of the Eye: Hidden inside?
Under the Eye: I long for this experience.
Under the Nose: So maybe it’s possible for me.
Chin: I can use these feelings…
Collarbone: As guideposts in life.
Under the Arm: They can help me achieve my dreams!

Top of the Head: I’ve been resisting these feelings.
Eyebrow: Blaming myself.
Side of the Eye: No one ever taught me how to use them.
Under the Eye: Now I can do things a different way.
Under the Nose: I can have more ease…
Chin: More fun…
Collarbone: More love!
Under the Arm: I can turn my headlights back on…
Top of the Head: And see the road ahead of me more clearly.

Take a deep breath.


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