How much does perfectionism run your life? Lots of us wouldn’t even call it perfectionism… we call it “just being adequate enough to start.” We think if we’re thin enough, prepared enough, polished enough, we won’t get hurt, and we won’t get rejected.
The truth is, we ALL get hurt sometimes. It seems like it is a human condition. And when we use perfectionism as a reason/excuse for not starting, we avoid living.
<span id=”video”></span>We invite you to tap along with this short video (and yes, the sound isn’t perfect, sigh! Turn up your volume and let us role model getting out there anyway, even if everything isn’t perfect!) on perfectionism.
We hope these offerings will help you feel more confident creating love on purpose, and creating your heart’s desires and experiences today!
Lots of love,
Cathy and Rick
P.S. Watch the Inner Tapping video Cathy mentions.
Companion Guide
Perfectionism often hides behind a more reasonable-sounding requirement: “I just need to be prepared enough, polished enough, thin enough, or confident enough to begin.” Underneath may be a promise that perfection will prevent rejection, humiliation, failure, and hurt.
It cannot keep that promise. It can keep you from living.
This Guide Helps With
- procrastinating until you feel adequately protected
- believing a different body or flawless performance will prevent rejection
- identifying the feeling perfectionism is designed to avoid
- taking a baby step rather than imagining the entire outcome
- comforting yourself when learning includes mistakes
Ask What Perfection Would Protect You From
Complete the sentence: “If I were finally perfect, I would not have to feel…”
The answer may be shame, surprise on someone’s face, being laughed at, failing publicly, disappointing people, or discovering you are still not chosen. Rate the intensity and notice where the feared feeling lives in your body.
Then make the action smaller. Do not imagine marriage when the next step is meeting someone for coffee. Do not imagine a finished career when the next step is publishing one imperfect page.
Presence Matters More Than Performance
As you tap, feel your fingers touching your skin. Perfectionism easily turns a healing practice into another mental task. Let tapping be a few minutes in which you are actually with yourself.
If a memory appears—falling during a race, being mocked in class, seeing disappointment on someone’s face—write it down for specific work later.
Tapping: Starting Without the Protection of Perfection
Side of the Hand: Even though I think that if I am finally perfect I will not be hurt anymore, maybe I can start living anyway.
Even though I thought I had to be perfect before I could put myself out there, maybe that is an old story I do not have to keep believing.
Even though I want to wait until I am perfect, what if that is an excuse that makes sure I never have to start?
Top of the Head: I am afraid I will fail.
Eyebrow: The truth is, I might stumble.
Side of the Eye: Anything new includes learning.
Under the Eye: Sometimes people fall while learning to walk.
Under the Nose: I thought perfection would remove that risk.
Chin: But waiting means I never begin.
Collarbone: I do not even get to discover what I can do.
Under the Arm: Real life does not unfold like a flawless story.
Top of the Head: I can comfort myself when I fall.
Eyebrow: I can tap when I feel embarrassed.
Side of the Eye: I can get support.
Under the Eye: I can learn from mistakes.
Under the Nose: I am not as powerless as I was back then.
Chin: I can feel this fear without running my life around it.
Collarbone: One imperfect baby step is enough.
Under the Arm: The world can receive what I bring before it is perfect.
Take a breath. Write down the smallest real step that still feels like living rather than waiting.
Let Visibility Do Some Filtering
Cathy describes delaying dating for fourteen years because she believed a larger woman could not date safely. When she addressed the shame, she made her body visible in her profile and stated a clear boundary. People for whom that was not a fit could move on; she no longer had to hide and imagine their reaction.
Perfectionism tries to remove every risk before you appear. A more resilient path lets you appear honestly, filter for fit, and care for yourself through the feelings that real participation brings.
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