Family rules… we pick up on them before we can even talk. How are we SUPPOSED to look, feel, and believe? What SHOULD we do in this circumstance?
Before, during, and after the time we spend with family gives us an opportunity to examine and even consciously change the rules. And tapping is a huge help!
What are family rules? They are the generational “laws of the universe” as your family understood them. There may be other levels of rules, but these are the ones we consider the most insidious because they are often unconscious and powerfully impact our lives. Changing these beliefs requires making them conscious… and then using Tapping (EFT) to release their steadfast hold on our subconscious actions.
Listen (1:07:04) or Download MP3
What are family rules?
There may be other levels of rules, but these are the ones we consider the most insidious because they are often unconscious and powerful.
Generational “laws of the universe”
- Passed down for generations and seem as solid as the “law” of gravity.
- Great-great-great-great-grandma Josephine believed that life was hard and involved suffering and struggle. As a dynamic person, she convinced all those around her. Even many generations later, we grew up in a “marinade” of this belief. And we attract and focus in such a way that we prove her right over and over again. (law of attraction at work).
Circumstantial Rules and Childish (mis)-interpretations
- Often a 3 year old will make a decision about something and hold onto it “forever” unless is made conscious and shifted energetically.
- If mother was overwhelmed and tired a lot, the child may have interpreted that to mean “I am a lot of work. I am difficult.”
- If she preferred quiet people and criticized noise, the child can figure out “I must be quiet or people will judge me”.
- If the child’s having fun, and independently the father goes into a drunken rage, the child may decide that play equals pain.
Family rules limit us.
- Family rules are what was decided in the past, they are not guidance for today.
- They can block abundance and joy in our lives.
Families have all kinds of unspoken rules.
- This is the normal and natural way people in society interact.
- It helps the group function in a more efficient manner.
- But how many of those rules are unexamined and have no purpose?
- How many have been handed down for generations and no longer apply?
- People often use guilt to reinforce these rules, and you can tell you’ve hit one when you feel guilt or shame for what you “should” or “shouldn’t” have done.
Some of the rules we live by are extremely out-of-date, or might have been misinterpreted when we were small.
- When confronted about a rule they may say, “we never meant that!” Because it was either misunderstood or not conscious, only energetic.
- Example: a small child is playing with his toys and runs over his dad’s foot with a toy truck. The dad, half in exasperation, half joking says, ‘you are a pain in the butt’. The boy internalizes that “rule” and knows he is a pain in the butt for the rest of his life. He carries it with him and sees everything through those “glasses.” He may find it harder to get close to people or ask for help, because of a casual comment.
We often follow family rules because we think it’s the cost of safety, acceptance, and love.
- Not following the rules causes disturbance in most families.
- Even “violating” an unhelpful, painful rule can cause others to be afraid. Especially if they think you must follow the rule to be safe
From a viewpoint of lack, our family (or we might have interpreted it this way) may have decided that you can’t have everything…
- So one daughter can be the smart one, one can be popular, and one can have more money. It has be parceled out fairly.
- If one tries to have abundance in other aspects, she may be seen as selfish, greedy, depriving her siblings.
People pass on what they honestly believed is true.
What are the family rules that hold you back?
- “It’s hard for us to lose weight.”
- “It’s in the genes.”
- “We just don’t do well in business.”
- “Our family is susceptible to illness.”
- “Our family is just not happy or lucky, that’s for other people.”
- “We’re just not good looking.”
- “We have to work hard for everything we get.”
What are your family rules? Share below!
If we can remember the specific incident when we learned the rule, we can go back and tap on it.
Sometimes we’re not sure, we just seemed to absorb it from the air around us, doing EFT on the belief can help us see it from a new perspective.
Some family rules are wonderful and supportive.
Sure, some rules now seem outdated and limiting. Others you will recognize as being core to your character and integrity. You have the freedom to choose which ones you follow and which ones you can toss out and start fresh.
Recording includes additional Tapping on:
- Can’t challenge Mom.
- Girls aren’t important.
- No one can succeed in our family
Originally recorded on Apr 16, 2009
For the men in the family, the rule was “Do not talk about your emotions. And if you need to, drink!” My Mom showed me that, “If you really love someone, you will WORRY about them!”
If I’d followed family rules I’d still be suppressing my emotions and depleting myself through worry. I’m grateful for consciously breaking family rules and co-creating new ones with my friends and now-adult children. Happy Thanksgiving!
What are some family rules you’re in the process of re-writing (and re-coding inside you)?