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Interview with Rick Wilkes by Gene Monterastelli of Tapping Q&A.
Gene writes: We live in interesting times. Every morning when I wake up I am bombarded with friend requests, invitations to attend events, fund projects, and try new programs. At the exact same time it is possible for me to go through an entire day and not have one single profound connection with another person.
In this conversation with Rick Wilkes we talk about how scary it can be to put yourself out in the world with the intention of making genuine connections when it feels like we will be judged. This is Rick’s fourth appearance on the podcast. The reason I have him back so often is because he is so insightful!
This conversation is one of my favorites and I really encourage you to listen to it!
Companion Guide
Modern life makes invitation constant: dates, collaborations, events, programs, messages, creative work, and requests for attention. Every genuine invitation creates the possibility of “no,” “not now,” silence, or a yes that later changes.
Fear of rejection can make us withdraw, avoid inviting, or treat another person’s response as a verdict on our value. Emotional resilience lets invitation become an expression of who we are rather than a demand for validation.
This Guide Helps With
- taking silence or refusal as proof you are unworthy
- avoiding invitations because someone may judge you
- recognizing fit rather than trying to be attractive to everyone
- creating relationships based on yes-yes choice instead of obligation
- receiving appreciation without making it your only fuel
An Invitation Is Vulnerability in Motion
If you want a date, client, collaborator, friend, or audience, you usually have to reveal that desire. Waiting to be discovered can feel safer, but it leaves other people unable to know what engagement you are open to.
The willingness to invite does not protect you from rejection. It lets you become someone who can make an offer, feel the sting of a no, tend to yourself, and continue living from your values.
Let Filtering Be Useful
Authentic expression will not fit everyone. Someone may personally dislike your style, energy, work, or choices. Their response is real, but it does not deserve automatic authority over your self-definition.
“Divine filtering” is the recognition that a no may protect both people from an incongruent relationship. It can also show you what you value: people who show up, communicate when their yes changes, welcome vulnerability, and do not use openness as an opportunity to humiliate.
Build a Culture of Yes-Yes
An agreement can be real and still become renegotiable. A person can want dinner with you and not the movie; want closeness and not a particular touch; value the relationship and no longer want the project.
Make changed consent speakable: “If this stops being a yes, will you tell me? What would help that feel safe?” A changed yes may disappoint you. The alternative—compliance, avoidance, or disappearing—does not create the kind of connection most of us actually want.
Tapping: Putting Yourself Out There
Side of the Hand: Even though every invitation gives someone a chance to reject me, I accept how vulnerable that feels.
Even though one person’s no can make me question my value, my choices, and my intuition, I can tend to the sting without turning it into my identity.
Even though it has not always felt safe to be authentic and transparent, I appreciate the relationships where honesty, kindness, and choice are welcome.
Top of the Head: What if they say no?
Eyebrow: What if they ignore me or do not show up?
Side of the Eye: My primitive brain reads that as exile.
Under the Eye: It can make me question everything about myself.
Under the Nose: Part of me wants to stop inviting.
Chin: Part of me wants to become impossible to reject.
Collarbone: I honor how much this can sting.
Under the Arm: I can soothe myself before I decide what it means.
Top of the Head: Their response gives me information about fit.
Eyebrow: I am the kind of person willing to invite and show up.
Side of the Eye: I can ask for honest communication.
Under the Eye: I can be disappointed without becoming abusive or self-abusive.
Under the Nose: I want relationships built from choice, not obligation.
Chin: Appreciation can nourish me without defining me.
Collarbone: My own character and self-respect are my core reference.
Under the Arm: I am willing to keep offering my authentic yes to the world.
Take a breath. Notice which past rejection, feared judgment, or current invitation carries the most weight. That is the next specific place for care.
Make One Clean Invitation
Say what you are inviting, what is optional, and what kind of response would help. Leave room for no and for a yes that changes. Then decide how you will care for yourself whatever the answer.
Safety, respect, freedom, and autonomy are not enemies of love. They are what allow two real people to keep choosing their participation.
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