August 22, 2006 by Rick

#13 – How do you handle a chronic condition?

Listen (18:35) or Download MP3

EFT-Talk Podcast #13 — How do you handle a chronic condition?

Whether you are stuck in pain, a terrible relationship, or a cruddy job,
you have got to make the best of it… and that starts by changing your
focus.

– Don’t let others dictate your focus; choose it
consciously.
– How do you get unstuck?
– How do you shift the balance from 90% negative thoughts slowly and
intentionally to a greater balance of positive energy?
– How do you clear up your vibration so you can attract a better
situation?
– IF ONLY my boss were a nice person. Forget him! Get your power back!
– When you are fearful, you are “drunk” on the chemicals of fear. Do you
trust a drunk to guide your life?
– EFT Tapping:
– Even though I’m convinced it is all their fault and I don’t know how
to feel better…
– Even though I blame them…
– Even though I’m fearful…
– Even though it’s all MY fault…
– Even though I don’t accept myself…

Transcript —

Rick Wilkes,
www.ThrivingNow.com:
Welcome to EFT Talk, helping
you raise your vibration using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and the
Law of Attraction. Carol, today’s question: How do you handle a chronic
condition?

Carol Look,
http://www.carollook.com:
When someone is in a state or
an attitude or a feeling that they don’t believe they can turn around,
they feel helpless. When I talk about chronic conditions, that could be
pain or it could be someone that’s in a relationship that they want to
leave. Or someone that’s in a lousy job with a lousy boss, and they
can’t leave yet, financially. So, they feel like it’s just their lot in
life. They have to stay there.

And, really, what I tell them is,
“You’ve got to do your best, with what you’ve got. And even if that
means that the boss is an idiot and yelling at you, you have to do the
best with your attitude and your mood and your vibration. And tapping,
of course.”

The other thing I say is, “It’s the good old ‘F’ word for focus.”
You’ve got to choose your focus, because if you let some jerky boss —
who feels small — demeans you and you take it personally, that’s
actually your issue.

Rick: How do you shift that? You’re in a
situation. Your boss is disrespectful. It’s a constant drumbeat. You’re
starting to get to the place where you don’t want to go there. You just
don’t want to go to work. And I see, many times, where clients realize,
only after the fact, that the illness that they brought on was part of
an answered prayer of, “Dear God, give me some way to get out of here.”

Carol: Right.

Rick: If you’re in a chronic condition
work, home, what-have-you and you happen to come across this information
around EFT and the Law of Attraction before things start getting nasty,
what do you do with it? Where do you start?

Carol: Well, again, I say, “Focus.” So,
when the person is saying, “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to go
to work. I hate my boss.” Okay, true, true and true, now what’s good
about being at this job? “Well, it’s paying my rent, but that’s it.”
Okay, is there a second thing? “Well, I don’t mind the secretary and I
like my friend in the other office. She’s really nice, and the other
guy’s pretty good. And we have a good time, sometimes.” Okay, and next?
“Well, actually it’s good to have a on my resume.” Okay, and you start
to feel the shift. You’ve got to get the focus.

Rick: I can feel it right now, just
listening to you. I was getting pretty tense about this person having to
go to work, and just as you start mentioning that, I felt like, “Yeah,
true. Okay. Yeah, that’s true too.”

Carol: Yes, you don’t deny the truth of
not of not liking the guy, or, let’s say it’s a spousal problem or
boyfriend/girlfriend problem. You don’t pretend you like them, but you
say, “There’s got to be something good, or else I wouldn’t still be
here.”

Rick: Now, is part of your focus to try
to figure out what’s good about the boss?

Carol: Well, I’ll tell you why I wouldn’t
deal with the boss or the husband or the wife. It’s too loaded. It’s so
intense and heavy. It’s going to be very, very hard. So, you change your
focus a little bit and say, “Well, I can’t find anything good about the
boss and that’s okay. But, I could find something good about the job.”

So, if you can’t find something good for a list of positive aspects
about your relationship, you can say, “Okay, but, we live in a nice
home, we have two nice kids.” You’ve got to do a little shifting,
because usually that person is such a focal point and all the blame goes
into him or her that it’s not going to work. You’ll be saying to
yourself, “But I hate him. I can’t find something good about him or
her.”

This woman came in and she was going on and on about her boss. And I
thought, you’ve got to get the focus off this woman’s boss. She’s not
the source of your problems. “Yes, she is!”

Rick: “Yes, she is!”

Carol: But, no, she’s actually not. If
your reaction is…

Rick: It seems like there’s a sticking
point there, energetically, where you have this beast in your midst. We
know what we have to do. We need to shift to something by the Law of
Attraction. Wwe need to shift to something that gives us some relief.
And yet, like that person was arguing with you: “I can’t. He’s too big,
too ugly, too smelly in my life.” How does someone shift get unstuck
from that focus?

Carol: Well, so then, I say, “On your way
to work, what are you noticing?” “Well, I’m just thinking what a jerk
the boss is.” Okay, so on your way to work, you’ve got to start singing
and whistling and noticing the pretty flowers and saying, “Oh, I’m
dressed up today…” However you do it. That can sound silly to people,
but it works. And it’s up to you whether you’re going to give your power
away to a boss or a spouse or a husband or a wife or a
boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever. Or an illness. Are you going to give
your power to it, or not?

You acknowledge that it’s true. “I’m in
chronic pain, and it’s a drag.” And now, what are you going to focus on?
“Well, I can still walk.” That’s good. “Well, I had a moment of relief
last night when I watched that funny program.” “My friend called, and
for two minutes I forgot about the pain.” Two minutes. You shift that
balance, so instead of having 90% negative and 10% positive, you keep
shifting it a little bit a day. We’re not asking for a complete
turnaround in a day. And your boss isn’t going to get better. We’re not
hoping for the boss to get better.

That’s not the point. The point is for your attitude and focus to
shift. Because then, when you change that energy, you get more of the
other energy coming in. And weird things happen. The boss gets
relocated. Funny things happen when you shift your energy.

Rick: I tell people that even if they
think, “I’ve got to leave this job, I’ve got to leave this job.” You
know, if you go to interview someplace and all that you can think about
and is in your field is “I’ve got to escape. I’ve got this horrible
situation.” It’s going to be written all over your face and you
experience. What is on your resume won’t matter.

Carol: Right.

Rick: And I think that the process that
you just described, Carol, is how do you clean up your vibration, right
where you are, so that something better can happen?

Carol: Right. That’s a perfect way to put
it, though, about the escape. If you’re coming from a place of escape,
you’ll get a lousy new job. How many of us have working with people…
You know, in my practice anyway, the relationships… They say, “Good
riddance, this guy was a jerk, ” and they end up with someone who’s just
a blond version. [laughter] They get the same guy. I swear it’s like
there’s not many details that are different. But, “Oh, this one’s
different.” No, he’s not. Because they left this original one with,
“I’ve got to escape and get some place. Because I have lack and nothing
in my life and he’s an idiot and it’s all his fault.” Well, they just
get an idiot in different clothes.

So, it’s really important not to be
in that vibration of escape and, “It’s all their fault.” “I had nothing
to do with it.” “It’s only my boss.” It’s the “if only” – “if only my
boss was a nice person…” Nope.

Rick: There are some situations that are
intolerable and need to be left. Our words are still true, related to
what you do after that. It’s about cleaning up your vibration to the
point where what you are really noticing, in your life, are the good
qualities. And that feels like where you are. And attracting someone or
a job or a business opportunity, when you’re in that state, will be one
that’s more of a vibrational match.

Carol: You know how people always say
that they don’t want to leave this job until they get another one,
because it looks bad on their resume? It’s the very thing you said. When
they have that feeling that they’ll be seen as inferior if they don’t
have a job when they’re looking for a job, that’s the energy that comes
through in the interviews.

Rick: Right. Yes.

Carol: You said it perfectly. It’s not
about, “Well, I’ve got a job now and I’m looking to leave.” It just
comes through. We communicate through everything, including words. But,
frankly, words are low on the scale of how we are communicating to
friends and co-workers and colleagues and prospective employers.

Rick: There’s a quote I love: “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you say.”

Carol: Yeah, that’s true. [laughter]
That’s a good one. Now, again, just….

Rick: That’s the vibration of it.

Carol: Yeah. But what you were saying,
there are dangerous situations. We’re not suggesting you stay in danger,
at all. We’re just saying that if you’ve got some clarity here, get some
power back. Get some power. And how you get your power back is stop
giving it to someone else. Someone was saying that about resentment —
resentment is giving that other person your head and your heart.

Rick: Oh. Yeah.

Carol: Like, wait a minute. Take it back
here. There’s got to be something good about every job. There’s got to
be something good, or something that used to be good, about every
relationship.

Rick: And even something that you can
notice that gives you some hope.

Carol: Yes.

Rick: And we recognize that when you’ve
been practicing the art of giving your power away, and you’ve been
practicing the art of noticing what’s wrong with your job for a year, or
two years, or 20 years that shifting your focus is going to feel
unnatural.

Carol: Right.

Rick: And I’d love to get some help with
EFT for folks about how to make that shift of focus. Because if you can
shift your focus, as you said, interesting and sometimes miraculous
things start showing up.

Carol: Yes. It really is about energy.
Now, the other thing I do is let the person go on for a bit. I don’t
stop them and say, “You can’t say that nasty sentence about your boss.”
I say, “Go for it. Let me hear it.” Let them come out with it. It’s not
making it worse. It’s like, “Get into the feeling before we start
tapping.”

Rick: Good point.

Carol: Instead of saying, “Oh, no, no.
You can’t say anything bad.” Of course you can say something bad. People
are saying bad things all the time. [laughter] “You can say it, but now
are you finished blaming him for your life’s problems? Good, so let’s
tap, because it’s fabulous.” Then you….

Rick: “I keep saying he’s to blame…”

Carol: You got it. You got it. So, karate
chop. And everyone, you can see the points on
www.eft-talk.com. All right, karate chop.
“Even though I’m convinced it’s all their fault…”

Rick: Even though I’m convinced it’s all
their fault…

Carol: “And I feel like a victim…”

Rick: And I feel like a victim…

Carol: “And I don’t know how to feel
better…”

Rick: And I don’t know how to feel
better…

Carol: “I deeply and completely love and
accept myself, anyway.”

Rick: I deeply and completely love and
accept myself, anyway.

Carol: “Even though I’m in a bad mood…”

Rick: Even though I’m in a bad mood…

Carol: “And it’s not my fault…”

Rick: “And it’s not my fault…

Carol: “I choose to take back my power.”

Rick: I choose to take back my power.

Carol: “Even though I blame them…”

Rick: Even though I blame them…

Carol: “For my feeling…”

Rick: For my feeling…

Carol: “My mood…”

Rick: My mood…

Carol: “I accept who I am…”

Rick: I accept who I am…

Carol: “And how I feel.”

Rick: And how I feel.

Carol: Eyebrow: “But it’s all his fault.”

Rick: But it’s all his fault.

Carol: Side of the eye: “It’s all her
fault.”

Rick: It’s all her fault.

Carol: Under the eye: “It’s all his
fault.”

Rick: It’s all his fault.

Carol: Nose: “What do I have to do with
it?”

Rick: What do I have to do with it?

Carol: Chin: “It is his fault.”

Rick: It is his fault.

Carol: Collarbone: “So what?”

Rick: So what?

Carol: Armpit: “What am I going to do?”

Rick: What am I going to do?

Carol: Top of head: “Even though it’s his
fault…”

Rick: Even though it’s his fault…

Carol: “I choose to change my energy.”

Rick: I choose to change my energy.

Carol: Take a breath.

Rick: [breathes deeply]

Carol: So, sometimes we have to do little
steps and little steps before we get there. It reminds me of someone I
was talking to. I think she’s 51. Every single conversation is about how
lousy her parents are. [laughter] Who are still alive, doing the best
they can with what’s left them. Not perfect, but doing the best they can
as grandparents and parents and whatever. And at 51, if you’re still
bashing your parents, you’re not in the right therapy.

You’ve got to be able to get your power. They cannot be the reason your
life is bad. Now matter how much was there, and there wasn’t much there.

Rick: If you’re still focused that way,
then there is no power personal power in it.

Carol: Yeah.

Rick: It’s ok to say, “I grew up in a
garlic soup, and so I smell like garlic. I need to clean that over
time.” But, it’s entirely different to say, “I’m going to keep swimming
in this for the rest of my eternity.”

Carol: Yeah. At what cost? The cost is
that this woman’s energetic vibration. She doesn’t realize, she thinks
that this is good, that this is exciting, to bash, bash, bash. No, it’s
not. She’s going down the tubes while she’s busy bashing them. She’s not
minding her own store, as they say. Do you want to do another one?

Rick: I do.

Carol: Karate chop… Oh, did anything
come up with that one, in particular?

Rick: I think we’re on the track of how
am I going to change my focus.

I have been focused on what is a threat — a perceived threat. And we go
back to the primitive brain. If there’s something that a part of knows
is not good for us that’s right there in our face, and we feel a bit
trapped that can feel like the really big issue. It’s right there. And
what we’re talking about is, “How do you shift your vibration so that
you can start attracting an entirely different life experience? And let
that other person be who they are.” This is core stuff, when it comes
down to feeling safe in shifting your attention away from it.

Carol: And, so much of the time, fear is
not to be trusted. It’s just a feeling. But it’s like, “Go have five
drinks and then try to have a normal conversation.” It’s the same thing.
You get fearful and you’re drunk. You’re not normal. You’re seeing
things in an exaggerated way. You’re being paranoid. You’re thinking
everybody’s out to get you. You think someone’s mad at you. You think
it’s all their fault.

That’s what fear tells us. It translates in our body as a drug, and we
completely act out of character.

Rick: So, lets do a round around people
who have learned to trust their fear as the predominant thing they need
to pay attention to. And how they can shift their focus.

Carol: And, again, we’re not talking
about life-threatening situations, here. If there is real fear about
that, of course you get the right help.

Rick: Yes.

Carol: Karate Chop: “Even though I’m
fearful…”

Rick: Even though I’m fearful…

Carol: “I’m convinced it’s their
fault…”

Rick: I’m convinced it’s their fault…

Carol: “They’re out to hurt me.”

Rick: They’re out to hurt me.

Carol: “I choose to change my focus…”

Rick: I choose to change my focus…

Carol: “Even though a part of me doesn’t
want to change my focus.”

Rick: Even though a part of me doesn’t
want to change my focus.

Carol: “I’m so used to this way of
being…”

Rick: I’m so used to this way of
being….

Carol: “I’ve decided to look at the up
side.”

Rick: “I’ve decided to look at the up
side.

Carol: “Even though I’m very fearful…”

Rick: Even though I’m very fearful…

Carol: “And it’s very confusing…”

Rick: And it’s very confusing…

Carol: “I accept who I am, and how I
feel.”

Rick: I accept who I am, and how I feel.

Carol: Eyebrow: “I’m so fearful.”

Rick: I’m so fearful.

Carol: Side of the eye: ” I don’t have
much faith.”

Rick: I don’t have much faith.

Carol: Under the eye: “I’m so fearful.”

Rick: I’m so fearful.

Carol: Under the nose: “I don’t believe
in myself.”

Rick: I don’t believe in myself.

Carol: Chin: “Yes, I do.”

Rick: Yes, I do.

Carol: Collarbone: “I choose to listen in
deeply.”

Rick: I choose to listen in deeply.

Carol: Armpit: “I’ve decided to listen to
my own heart.”

Rick: I’ve decided to listen to my own
heart.

Carol: Top of the head: “And this feels
right.”

Rick: And this feels right.

Carol: “And this feels good.”

Rick: And this feels good.

Carol: Take a breath.

Rick: [breathes deeply]

Carol: Anything come up?

Rick: I think that’s very helpful when
someone is in blame. What about if they are in self-blame?

Carol: I would say, with EFT, my favorite
thing to do is this: Karate Chop. “Even though it’s all my fault…”

Rick: Even though it’s all my fault…

Carol: “I screwed up again…”

Rick: I screwed up again…

Carol: “I deeply and completely accept
all of me.”

Rick: I deeply and completely accept all
of me.

Carol: “Even though I’m convinced it’s
entirely my fault…”

Rick: Even though I’m convinced it’s
entirely my fault…

Carol: “I did it again…”

Rick: I did it again…

Carol: “I have decided to accept all of
me right now.”

Rick: I have decided to accept all of me
right now.

Carol: “Even though I don’t accept
myself…”

Rick: Even though I don’t accept
myself…

Carol: “I deeply and completely love and
respect who I am.”

Rick: I deeply and completely love and
respect who I am.

Carol: Eyebrow: “It’s all my fault.”

Rick: It’s all my fault.

Carol: Side of the eye: “I’m the loser.”

Rick: I’m the loser.

Carol: Under the eye: “I’m the one who
made the mistake.”

Rick: I’m the one who made the mistake.

Carol: Under the nose: “It’s all my
fault.”

Rick: It is all my fault.

Carol: Chin: “So what?”

Rick: So what?

Carol: Collarbone: “So what?”.

Rick: So what?

Carol: Armpit: “I accept myself right
now.”

Rick: I accept myself right now.

Carol: Top of the head: “I choose to
accept who I am and how I feel.”

Rick: I choose to accept who I am and how
I feel.

Carol: Take a deep breath.

Rick: [breathes deeply]

Carol: That’s the bottom line. That’s why
EFT is so effective. Whether you’re blaming someone else, blaming
yourself, angry, hurt, resentful, guilty, if you can just say, “I’m at
peace right now,” even if you’re in this state of mind, that’s what
makes you change.

If we wanted to cut to the chase, you’ve got to accept yourself where
you are.

Rick: Thank you, Carol.

Carol: You know, the self-blame is no
better than blaming someone else. It’s no more productive.

Rick: I think, in some ways, it’s where
more people are.

Carol: Yes.

Rick: There’s a guilt and shame that
underlies, I would say, almost all chronic conditions on some level.
And when you get down to that point, when you start releasing and
relieving the energy of guilt and shame, it frees up so much that can
move up the scale and start attracting what you really want in your
life. Thank you so much for this powerful message, Carol. I really
appreciate it.

Carol: My pleasure.

Rick: If you’d like to ask us a question,
drop us an email at ask@eft-talk.com.
And, we’ll talk to you next time.

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