“If they say NO, they are rejecting me.”
Does this feel true for you?
If it does, I wouldn’t be surprised if you find it difficult to say NO to others.
This came out during the tapping we did during our coaching session on Being Consent Savvy… part of the Knowing…Asking…Negotiating Program (available at the link).
You see, if we experience people saying NO as a personal rejection, it hurts! Neither our brain nor our heart feels good about that. It can even feel like a punch in a gut.
And empathy-sensitive folks (and I suspect you are one if you’ve read this far)… we hate causing other people pain! Their pain ends up causing us pain, too. Ugh, what a trap.
What to do?
- Re-perceive what NO actually means. When someone says NO to us, it’s actually a Good Thing (for many reasons… such as do you really want to live in a world where you and those you love say Yes when they really want to say No? Does that feel like healthy freedom of choice?)
- Tap for the raw sensations you feel in your body when someone says NO to you.
- Build resilience by practicing saying and hearing NO with a buddy. Tap while you practice.
And there’s more. Cathy and I believe that if we’re all going to experience emotional freedom, it starts with Knowing the rightness of our own choices. Then we need to courage and skill to Ask others — making invitations in ways that promote connection. When challenges come up, we need to be able to Negotiate in ways that build trust and are grounded in mutual, enthusiastic Consent.
And yeah, we have to cope with Disappointment in ways that don’t slather toxic energy all over those who say No and speak their truth.
These are skills that can be cultivated.
And these skills along with the tapping to make it less resistant and painful to develop them are part of our program: Knowing… Asking… Negotiating which now includes bonus sessions on Consent and Disappointment. (The Disappointment session will be live on Nov 8th!)
Do you find yourself saying Yes when you really want to say No? If so, we’d like to hear your theory why you still do so. Just comment below.
Rick & Cathy