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October 31, 2006 by Rick

#15 – How can I feel unconditional love?

Listen (16:06) or Download MP3

EFT-Talk Podcast #15 — How can I feel unconditional love?

Does unconditional love mean that you have to love everyone and
everything they do? Fact is, if the experience of love requires that external
conditions are all to your liking… you’re sunk. Listen as Rick and Carol discuss
an alternate definition that is far more self-empowering:

Unconditional love means that conditions outside of myself do not have to change in order for me to feel love.

Transcript:

Carol Look:

Welcome to EFT Talk with your hosts, Rick Wilkes and Carol Look where we help you raise your vibration with Emotional Freedom Techniques, EFT, and the Law of Attraction.

Rick, the question today, “How can I feel unconditional love?”

Rick Wilkes:

[laughs] I love that question because I used to define unconditional love in a way that it was almost
impossible for me to get close to anything that I could label as unconditional love. It meant that I had to observe someone else in my life and love everything about them and — [laughs] I have got some really wonderful people around me, but there are some things that they do that I just do not like. I cannot observe their behavior at times or even observe my behavior at times and feel good about the behavior itself.

Carol:

Right. How do you define — like, what would you say is your definition of — I think that is where people go wrong with their definitions of unconditional love are all over the map.

Rick:

Right and much of it is based upon discussion, the Scripture and things that have come up over time, perceptions about what unconditional love means. I think there is a difference between unconditional regard and respect, where we look at someone and we are aware of their divinity, even if they are wearing a very distressing disguise.

When I think of unconditional love toward another person, part of it comes from a place of just accepting that there is a God within all of us that is worthy of respect and worthy of even admiration, but that does not mean that I need to be around that particular manifestation of divine energy if they are doing something that is crazy.

Carol:

Right, but you — in the acceptance and the loving of them, you let them be where they want to be; you stop trying to change them.

Rick: Yes, I do because if I am trying to change them then I am putting myself in opposition to who they are, where they are, how their guidance is working with them. Which brings me back to the definition that I heard from Abraham Hicks and as soon as I heard it, it made so much sense to me that unconditional — if we break up the word “unconditional,” take the word “condition.” “Conditions” represents what is going on in the world. Particularly, what is going on in the world outside of me, so as I look around myself, I look around my living room here, I look at what is happening out there in the world; those are conditions.

If my love is dependent on all those external conditions, I am sunk because I do not control what my dog is doing right now. I do not control the weather. The weather right now is rainy and gray. Now if my love, my feeling, my experience of that vibration inside of myself, inside of my heart, inside of my spine, inside of my legs… In my experience of love, the vibration of love depends on external conditions, I am not going to be able to maintain it —

Carol:

You are powerless.

Rick:

Pardon me?

Carol:

You are totally powerless.

Rick:

Yeah, and that is where when they [Abraham-Hicks] said, “Unconditional love means that conditions outside of myself do not have to change in order for me to feel love.” That is quite different than having to observe conditions outside of myself and somehow morph them into something that I like in order for me to feel love.

Carol:

Or to say because today is this way or this person, my spouse is this way or this person is behaving this way, I have made a decision. I do not love them. In other words, unconditional love means, “no matter what.”

Rick:

No matter what — no matter what the conditions are, I am choosing. I am choosing to focus the one thing I have control over. I can — and some people may not believe this yet because they have been so entrained with letting external conditions dictate their emotions, but you can choose to focus your attention on something that makes you feel good or at least makes you feel OK, and then work your way up the vibrational scale to the place where no matter what is happening outside of yourself, you have trained your focus, your intention, to a place where you can feel loved.

Carol:

We are back to choice again.

Rick:

We are and powerlessness comes from looking outside of yourself, at having the very real, true knowledge that I cannot control the weather, I cannot control my life, I cannot control my kids, I cannot control the market, I cannot control the war, I cannot control much outside of myself.

What I can do is selectively filter. I can, as I am looking out at the rain, I can notice how it feels, how the glistening leaves are blowing in the wind, and as I am quiet for a moment, I am hearing a little thunder in the background, sensing the power of it. Now, this gives me some sense of peace and that I am an observer of the miracle of rain nourishing all the plants. I can almost feel the tree, the big, old tree that I love behind the house here sucking up the water, enjoying being bathed in water and having it go down into its roots and knowing that the stream behind the house is going to be running more fully after the rain. That is selective filtering because I could just have easily focused in a different way.

Carol:

Now, here is the “Yes, but…” that you and I get from so many people. Yes, but what if someone does something nasty to me? Yes, but what if? How do I feel unconditional love towards a person?

Rick:

You cannot feel it towards the person because what they are just giving you is contrast. They have just treated you a certain way.
My friend was thwacked in the back by her husband with a plastic alligator tail. He thought he was being playful, but it really hurt and it caused a bruise and it really was very unpleasant.
And the way that she forked around it was that she is realizing that what she prefers is a more silly play than a physical play. Physical play is not working for her, and she is ending up getting uncomfortable, and so what she starts thinking about are times when her father — and where she plays with her kids and it is silly and happy, and she shifts. She is not trying to make him — she is not trying to feel good about what he did; there is nothing that can make her feel good about what he did!
But what she has done is tap around the feelings that come up. There are feelings — going back to a place where she feels safe again inside of herself. Then intentionally choosing thoughts and memories that are in the direction of what she wants to experience in her life.

This is really intentionally using the Law of Attraction to feel good. OK, this happened. Now what would feel even better? Well, I remember a time when I was playing with my little girl and we were being silly and we were rubbing noses and we were hugging in between then and we were pretending certain things. That’s a memory and I think of that memory. It has nothing to do with him. He’s too big and ugly right now.

Carol:

Right.

Rick:

It is choosing a direction and sometimes, frankly, to feel unconditional love on a more regular basis means spending more time in solitude. We sometimes feel that solitude is a dirty word. It is meaning that I am alone. To me being in a place of solitude means I have total freedom to remember and to dream about what I want to have in my life.

Carol:

Take back power again in a good way.

Rick:

In a good way. “I’ve just been exposed to contrast. I am not feeling love inside of myself. I can’t control what happened in the past. I can’t rewrite history.”
But… I can take myself to a place of safety particularly in solitude. In that place my whole job….
If feeling unconditional love is important to me, it means that I am going to take control, take my power and focus it in a way that is pleasing to me.

Carol:

What I love is the point that you are saying about unconditional love is not to then make yourself love the person who’s just whacked you.

Rick:

No.

Carol:

Because I think that’s where people get confused. I think.

Rick:

We have no responsibility to love behavior which is unpleasing to us.

Carol:

Right, but I think people get really confused and think that’s their job and
they can’t do it. They can’t turn their energy around on that issue. So then they think they failed. Then they think they are a bad person. Then they don’t feel very loving. But you’re saying withdraw that attention there. Get back to a loving, unconditional loving place in yourself…

Rick:

That’s right.

Carol: …first and then you have got some place to go.

Rick:

And what I would do with EFT around the belief that you just expressed. Let’s do some rounds. Our EFT tapping chart is on the website at
www.eft-talk.com, and if you are not familiar with EFT we highly recommend that you learn the basics of this energy therapy so that you can use it to soothe yourself when you are experiencing things which are distressing.

Carol:

Right, because we are not changing other people. It’s not going to work.

Rick:

Not going to work.

Carol:

We’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. So you go back to soothing yourself. Use the EFT and then get yourself to a different vibration, a loving place and the waterfalls start to pour down all over your wonderful, wonderful experiences.

Rick:

I am going to include in this for those people who have the training that God expects us to be unconditionally loving towards another person. If you can just let that be God’s job.

Carol:

Good.

Rick:

We will try some of that.

Carol:

OK.

Rick:

Karate chop. Even though I was told…

Carol:

Even though I was told…

Rick: …that I had to unconditionally love other people.

Carol: …that I had to unconditionally love everyone.

Rick:

Everyone [laugh] I deeply and completely accept myself.

Carol:

I deeply and completely accept myself.

Rick:

Even though I don’t unconditionally love everyone else.

Carol:

Even though I don’t unconditionally love everyone else.

Rick:

All the time.

Carol:

All the time.

Rick:

I accept all of my feelings.

Carol:

I accept all of my feelings.

Rick:

Even though I am not going to unconditionally love everything that everyone else does.

Carol:

Even though I am not going to be able to unconditionally love everything that everyone else does.

Rick:

That’s OK.

Carol:

That’s OK.

Rick:

That’s God’s job.

Carol:

That’s God’s job.

Rick:

And I choose to feel my loving connection anyway.

Carol:

And I choose to feel my loving connection anyway.

Rick:

Top of the head. I see what I don’t like.

Carol:

I see what I don’t like.

Rick:

Eyebrow. Don’t I have to be upset?

Carol:

Don’t I have to be upset?

Rick: Side of the eye. I am upset.

Carol:

I am upset.

Rick:

Under the eye. It hurt me.

Carol:

It hurt me.

Rick:

Under the nose. I can’t feel love.

Carol:

I can’t feel love.

Rick: Chin.

I can’t feel love.

Carol:

I can’t feel love right now.

Rick: Collarbone.

I see what I don’t like.

Carol:

I see what I don’t like.

Rick:

Under the arm. I feel what I don’t like.

Carol:

I feel what I don’t like.

Rick:

Top of the head. It’s too much for me.

Carol:

It’s too much for me.

Rick:

Eyebrow. Maybe I can change my focus.

Carol:

Maybe I can change my focus.

Rick: Side of the eye. Maybe I’ll take some space for myself.

Carol:

Maybe I can take some space for myself.

Rick:

Under the eye. I like that idea.

Carol:

I like that idea.

Rick:

Under the nose. I choose to feel good.

Carol:

I choose to feel good.

Rick: Chin. I deserve to feel good.

Carol:

I deserve to feel good.

Rick: Collarbone. I definitely deserve to feel good.

Carol:

I definitely desire to feel good.

Rick:

Under the arm. I want to feel love.

Carol:

I want to feel love.

Rick:

Top of the head. Regardless of external conditions.

Carol:

Regardless of what’s happening out there.

Rick:

Great.

Carol:

Now that’s it you just hit it and I know because I’ve worked on it enough so that now I do deserve it. People do not feel deserving of feeling good when other people are suffering or when other people have hurt them. That’s it. That’s a block, the block.

Rick:

Yes.

Carol:

Can we do a quickie on that?

Rick:

Karate chop. Even though I don’t deserve to feel that good.

Carol:

Even though I don’t deserve to feel that good.

Rick:

When they’re feeling that bad.

Carol:

When they’re feeling that bad.

Rick:

I choose to know that I can’t get sick enough to help a sick person.

Carol:

I choose to know that I can’t get sick enough to help a sick person.

Rick:

I can’t get poor enough to help a poor person.

Carol:

I can’t get poor enough to help a poor person.

Rick:

But I can vibrate love.

Carol:

But I can vibrate love.

Rick:

I can radiate love.

Carol:

I can radiate love.

Rick:

As long as I feel it within inside myself.

Carol:

As long as I feel it within inside myself.

Rick:

And I deserve that.

Carol:

And I deserve that.

Rick:

Top of the head. I deserve to feel love.

Carol:

I deserve to feel love.

Rick:

Eyebrow. I am the only one that can change this.

Carol:

I am the only one that can change this.

Rick: Side of the eye. And I am going to.

Carol:

And I am going to.

Rick:

Under the eye. I intend to feel love.

Rick:

Under the nose. I intend to create internal conditions.

Carol:

I intend to create internal conditions.

Rick: Chin.

That makes it easy for me to feel love.

Carol:

That makes it easy for me to feel love.

Rick: Collarbone. I can’t change what’s outside of me.

Carol:

I can’t change what’s outside of me.

Rick:

Under the arm. I’ve proven that.

Carol:

I’ve proven that.

Rick:

Top of the head. And that’s OK.

Carol:

And that’s OK.

Rick:

It’s not my job.

Carol:

It’s not my job.

Rick:

And I am going to feel love.

Carol:

And I am going to feel love.

Rick:

Anyway.

Carol:

Any way.

Rick:

I like the way you separated any way.

Carol:

Any way I can.

Rick:

[Laugh] That was beautiful because it really comes down to that. It really takes how am I going to do this. I have to come up with some way. Spirit will guide you with some way, some way to focus your attention that is pleasing, that reconnects you with
Source Energy within you and as soon as that happens you feel love. That is I believe the core essence of what unconditional love, the experience of it is. When you are connected to your
Source within, that’s what you feel and if you just give it that label. When you are connected to
Source and you feel that. When you are connected to Source and you know it… I am feeling unconditional love.

Carol:

And you can do it in a second, in a minute. I have got sentences that I write down and I switch like that.

Rick:

Yes. That is the practice. That is what Carol and I are both encouraging you to do is to treat your life as that practice of reconnecting to source energy. EFT does it. Being aware of how you are using your vibration throughout the day does it. But ultimately when you are connected to
Source Energy you are feeling unconditional love and there is nothing that anyone has to do for you.

Carol:

You are free.

Rick:

You are free.

Carol: Thank you Rick. That was wonderful. OK
everyone, if you have any questions please go to
www.EFT-Talk.com, and we will talk to you soon.

Rick:

Thank you Carol.

Carol:

Thank you.

[music]

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