A repeating pattern can feel like a personal failure: I knew better. I promised myself. Why am I here again?
Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli approach the pattern differently in this workshop. Repetition often means that a well-practiced protective loop is running faster than conscious choice. Shame adds more threat to that loop. Curiosity helps us see where choice can return.
A Pattern Is More Than the Visible Behavior
The behavior may be overeating, overworking, avoiding sleep, returning to an unavailable person, spending, freezing, or saying yes when the body says no. The full loop also includes:
- the situation that activates it
- body sensations and emotional pressure
- the meaning the primitive brain assigns
- the familiar action or shutdown
- short-term relief
- the later cost and self-judgment
If we only fight the final behavior, the rest of the loop remains intact. Start earlier. What happens in the minutes, hours, or days before the familiar choice?
Respect the Benefit the Loop Once Offered
A pattern can be costly now and still have an intelligent history. It may have helped you belong, avoid conflict, numb overwhelm, conserve energy, stay less visible, or receive a moment of comfort.
Respect does not mean keeping it forever. It means speaking to the system in a language other than contempt:
Something in me expects this pattern to help. I want to understand what it is trying to protect before I demand that it disappear.
That stance makes room for a replacement that serves the same need with less cost.
Find the Smallest Interrupt
The dramatic promise—“never again”—often creates more pressure than capacity. A small interrupt can be more powerful:
- name the loop while it is happening
- feel both feet before acting
- take three slower breaths
- tap one round on the urgency
- wait ten minutes
- text someone who understands the pattern
- choose a smaller version of what the body needs
The interrupt is not proof that the pattern is cured. It is the moment when automatic repetition begins to include choice.
Use Body Yes and Body No
The workshop includes a companion practice Cathy and Rick call Body YES and Body NO. Instead of asking the mind to argue both sides forever, notice the body’s response to an option.
Imagine saying yes. Notice breath, chest, belly, throat, face, posture, and energy. Then imagine saying no and notice again. Neither response is an infallible command. Trauma, fatigue, excitement, and habit can color the signal. The practice builds a relationship with your own data.
Try more than two choices. “Do it” and “do not do it” may both feel wrong. A third option might be:
- do less
- ask for help
- choose a different time
- stay for twenty minutes and leave
- say yes to the need but no to this strategy
Tapping: I Am Afraid This Will Never Change
Side of the Hand: Even though I know this pattern too well, I respect how practiced it has become.
Even though part of me expects shame to force change, shame may be feeding the threat that keeps the loop alive.
Even though I want a permanent answer, I am open to one honest interruption.
Top of the Head: Here I am again.
Eyebrow: I am tired of this loop.
Side of the Eye: Part of me still expects it to help.
Under the Eye: I can listen without surrendering my choice.
Under the Nose: What happens just before the pattern?
Chin: What feeling am I trying not to feel?
Collarbone: What need deserves a new strategy?
Under the Arm: I am looking for one workable interruption.
Top of the Head: I do not need to promise forever.
Eyebrow: I can notice my body yes and body no.
Side of the Eye: I can add a third option.
Under the Eye: I can ask for support before the loop peaks.
Under the Nose: Choice can return in small moments.
Chin: A repeated pattern is not my identity.
Collarbone: I am practicing a different response.
Under the Arm: This interruption counts.
Take a breath. Name the earliest point in the loop where five percent more choice might be possible.
Watch the Workshop
Download the automatic workshop transcript
The workshop also mentions this separate companion recording:
This Guide was adapted from a Thriving Now workshop with Rick Wilkes and Cathy Vartuli, recorded February 2, 2019. The transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors.