Stop Repeating the Same Patterns

Presented by Rick Wilkes, Cathy Vartuli

Automatic YouTube transcript; light human review is still recommended.

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what come rumored one you are stuck in a pattern deaf talking it better I welcome to stop repeating the same patterns over and over and over again especially those that don't serve you my name is Rick from thriving I'll calm I'm here with cathy vartuli from the intimacy dojo and thriving now hi Cathy hey everyone I'm really excited you're here because I think so many humans have patterns if they repeat over and over their entire lives and then something I've never been realized that it's kind of like that fish in water where it's like oh this is what is and they never realized it could have freedom so just the fact that you you accepted Rick's of my invitation to be here means that you're willing to look at some of these things and I think when we realize we have a pattern and go through the steps that Rick outlined in the email do some tapping all of a sudden we can step outside the pattern and we get freedom from for our lives we get choice free will does exist but part of free will I think the biggest part is realizing where we can say yes to no or versus where we're kind of stuck in a loop and we get all the energy back in our lives we create so many amazing things and so many amazing experiences and my biggest thing is I want no one to wake up when they're 80 90 or 100 and go oh my god one of my life go like I thought it was gonna start at some point it never did and I think these loops prevent people from living them vibrant amazing lives they want to have so I'm really excited that you're here yeah and the loop that we're talking about we're pattern machines humans are pattern machines the words that I'm using are patterns that were established in my brain and my muscles there's a muscle memory for how to make these words and I don't have to sound them out and try to get myself to say them clearly I know which words go together these are patterns and so the movement of my hands and they're really useful and that that so the thing we're first acknowledging is that we're pattern machines the patterns work for us and then there are patterns that like Cathy said that end up feeling like we're repeating something in a way that isn't interesting it isn't serving our long-term best interest and it may keep us feeling like we're in that rut you know there's the the ruts I remember visiting areas of Italy where the Roman chariot and wagons had worn ruts into the stone and if if you weren't riding in that rut then you you ran the risk of cracking the wheel when it fell into the rut and so as a metaphor we get we get into things that our brain has done thousands millions of times and there is a resistance and also like those wagon wheels once they were in the rut getting them out was extremely difficult and there's a part of our brain that likes ruts because ruts allow us to kind of be on the track we know what we're doing oh I feel a certain way when I feel a certain way they're chips and I get the chips and once I have the chips I sit here on the sofa and once I'm sitting here on the sofa I grab the remote control and when I grab the remote control I turn on the TV and then I'm in a pattern and that pattern started from a certain state of being and it led to a reaction that I know a lot of people are noticing that their patterns in their behavior whether it's daily patterns and sometimes it's patterns in relationship or patter longer-term patterns around a dream that we have that it rises and then it falls back down and so yeah I think that a lot of times we don't we just aren't even aware of the patterns but we I think our energy is aware and we know that when I'm stuck in a path I'm learning to recognize that there's a certain energy I have there's like a wanting to break free kind of feeling a little bit bored and trapped in my life when it's starting to like really suck a lot of energy from my life and I've learned that pattern like I have a pattern that's a signal to me that I need to pay attention and look and see where I might be just repeating the same thing over and over again because it's easier and sometimes it's against everything I believed like I really felt like I'd worked through most of my anger in my life like I did not I'm not a generally an angry person and I was talking with someone the other day and I realized that I do have some anger it's at one particular person I need to work through and that rather than dealing with it I was eating in the evening like that was I was like turning to junk food but I've been doing it so like for a while so I can really kind of crap getting and just stayed there and I was like I really am not eating as well as I wanted to do and it's gotten kind of worse like because if we have something we're trying to tamp down we sometimes need to add more and more rocks on top of it to keep it down all the time like our systems naturally money heal they naturally want to release things and so they could where if we're like but we have this thing down there like this anger and maybe a little anger more get to add it in and it's like trying to break free our system is trying to break it free so we can process it let it go but when we don't we have to just keep piling on more and more and I think that's one patterns can get really destructive people that turn just thank you very your doing things that you don't want to do for your life like we're not judging what people do like if you choose to have drinks with dinner that's great enjoy them if you're having dessert with dinner wonderful and join them but are you doing it because you choose to or because there's something you're desperately trying to keep in the closet or because there's those ruts the ruts have gotten so deep in the the wagon wheels that getting out of them feels almost like it feels like you break your the the wheels or your ankle if you try to get out mm-hmm yeah so in the in this process one of the we're going touch on four areas this is about human life so there's a lot of other aspects okay we're not gonna touch on but I have found that for me if there is a pattern that this this sequence works to get energy moving there's a lot of other aspects of it which can be around maintaining and building a new pattern that serves you today we would like to focus on like the stop of the repeating particularly the stop of the unconscious how did I end up eating the whole thing so the tips are all gone how does that happen just to let us like ground and recognize when we're in a pattern yes part of that is the the step one is around accepting that we have patterns and that there's parts of you that are saying hey we survived we're here so the pattern didn't kill us don't do anything else stick with it there's a resistance there's a there's there's a resistance that is a bit like it's conquer ties in all of us around patterns that are haven't killed us and that we're actually especially if they were established to help us cope and to get through times where well you know angry expressing anger might have been been really dangerous very dangerous that reminds me of the study I don't know people I know I mentioned that a couple times before another cause but they did the study of rats and they found that rats there were trouble time that's what what traumatized would always stick to the same pattern they didn't want to deviate and they were very very scared so if they put the cat in the rats environment they had places to hide and everything the rats would never come out even when the cat was not they would just hide in fries and I think there's a certain freeze aspect and unhealthy patterns and healthy patterns I feel like we often made a choice to accept it but the rats that had not been traumatized or healed we're willing to reply and explore they were willing to step outside of what they knew and they thrived a lot more and I think that when we can just kind of look and go oh maybe it is safe to try not eating chips with dinner what if I had cucumber slices with hummus or you know like you know just like it doesn't mean that we have to give up having that yummy snack but maybe we can choose rather than making a hand automatically reaches TV automatically what what is it I actually want to create tonight and if it's chips and TV that's fabulous like do it but make it a choice rather than a the what the wagon wheels making another level deeper rut in the in the concrete if that makes sense absolutely that's not such an important point thank you for bringing it up that aspect of like that our our traumas lock in freeze in certain patterns for us that can feel be hardest to to clear and that's where tapping right in the acknowledgement stage is so important would you lead us in that yeah I think this is really dear to me because I we all have people that we see that are traumatized and we're like why are they repeating that pattern it really hurts them and it hurts the people around them my mom does this she just she still wants to do a good job that she's like constantly kind of control people and steer people and it never feels like there's any presence with her it's like she's your marionettes having to do what she wants so that she can feel safe and if you don't follow the pattern she has in her head the script she has in her head there's no way for us to you know interact she gets very upset because she'll afraid there's an old trauma in there somewhere and it's so sad because I really want to have that deep connection like I feel like I can connect with each of you or deeply that my mom will let me close and so I really love the fact that you're willing to look at that so if you can just give yourself a little appreciation for the fact that you're here and you're curious I really honor that that is a beautiful beautiful gift to bring to the world and to those around you so if you can just let yourself your heart feeling it wow I'm doing a really beautiful thing right now changing the way I interact with the world and with other people and I'm giving them a gift that most people you know they're just long for the whole lives so if you'd like to take a nice slow deep breath and if you want to just like that appreciation kind of grow and warm up that's a beautiful way to open things up when we're an appreciation we're often done in trauma we feel pretty safe we feel abundant feel your feet on the floor if you can you're grounded and supported you are I love letting the energy from the bottom of my feets kind of grow into the earth of a very earthy person but just like I imagine these like roots growing in and letting these myself be so grounded and my butt in the chair so you're supported by the universe right now another nice slow deep breath karate chop hey universe hey universe I've got a lot of really good patterns here got a lot of really good patterns here and I really appreciate that and I really appreciate that it makes life a lot easier it makes a life a lot easier that's wonderful a second yep can you say something else yep can I say I'm saying say it again okay and that makes life wonderful and that makes life wonderful thank you for that thank you for that and there are some patterns that are really not serving me and there are some patterns that are really not serving me maybe they serve me well at some point maybe they serve me well at some point and I can be really grateful for that and I can be really grateful for that but I don't need them no but I do not need them now please help me notice them please help me notice them please draw my attention to them in a gentle loving peace please draw my attention to them in a gentle loving pace and please let me be delighted by the insights let me be delighted by the end silence so go ahead sometimes it's really hard to see those sometimes it is really hard to see those patterns eyebrows I see them I'll probably want to change them if I see them I'll probably want to change them side of the eye but I can do it a little at a time but I can do it a little bit at a time under the eye I can understand where they came from I can understand where they came from under the nose and why I want to change them and why I want to change them Jen I'm really really grateful that I have these insights I'm really really grateful but I'm starting to get these insights Helen Rodin I can't wait for the freedom a new energy uh-huh and I can't wait for the freedom and new energy I'll have under the arm and the ability to connect with people and life in a different way and of the ability to connect with people and life in a different way so good thank you nurse for all your help Thank You universe for all your help and for all my courage and for all my courage is deep breath if you have anything coupled to your mind right now it's a great time to jot it down or the part of our brain that likes patterns is very efficient patterns are very efficient our system likes to be as low energy as possible patterns let us be low energy I don't have to think about as I go to bed that I'm gonna like go to the restroom and wash my face brush my teeth put on my pajamas like it just happens it flows and that lets me focus on other things or just it's just very efficient we get in a groove so to speak so there's part of our system especially like of the survival part it's like oh if we break patterns were spending energy can really do this and we're living in pretty safe worlds now most of us have more abundance than we would have had in capen types like we have the ability invented let go you know what even though that pattern is probably saving me a lot of energy it's also taking a lot of energy to you and I want that freedom so if you feel any resistance just be with it just breathe into it maybe do a little tapping and if you notice a any other has jot them down because the part of our brain that really likes those patterns it's sneaky I know slippy it and you're like oh I've got it I remember now and it will erase it from the board and then you play huh what was that thing why does it all the time anyway I'm fingers pointing back at me goes in a race and I'm like I really want to do that thing where is it it's done so I'd like to do just another round on acceptance I think that anytime we're about to do something around patterns it's helpful to do that yeah karate chop even though I had these patterns even though have these patterns I am so human and these patterns help me be efficient and these patterns may be efficient and they've helped me to survive and they help me to survive I deeply and completely accept where I am and how I feel I deeply and completely accept where I am in how I feel top of that and I've got some frustration I've got some frustration that might be a pattern that like me a battery eyebrow I might even have some shame about my patterns oh I might even have some shame about my powers side of the eye and that shame might be a pattern and that's your pattern under the eye I have patterns under nose I'm a pattern I am I'm good at patterns and Jen and I also can change them I choose to identify something I'd like to shift identify something I choose this year undergarment and accept where I am except where I am and headedness in a conscious new direction and headed in a conscious new direction I tagged on to you and just start tapping because like why don't you said I can change my patterns there's like credits a part of me is like no I cannot no I cannot I cannot change this pattern I cannot change this pattern pattern even though I cannot change this pattern maybe it's okay to be aware of it maybe it's okay to be aware of it I cannot choose this pattern I cannot change this pattern I'm really stuck I'm really stuck and I'm holding on tight and I'm holding on tight top that I am stuck I am stuck I know I can't change this pattern I can't change this pattern I've tried for years I have tried for years yeah you have no idea how hard I worked you have no idea how hard I've worked the nose it hurts to try to change again it hurts to try to change again should I just take myself I just hate myself colored one I'm so frustrated I am so frustrated I feel powerless when I can't change these patterns I feel powerless when I can't change a pattern top of head what if there are better ways to change patterns what if there are better ways to change patterns no part of me would like that a part of me would like that sorry I am part of me is really doubtful and a part of me is really scared kills do this I don't know that I can do this under the nose every time I feel it feels awful and every time I feel it feels awful awful Jen I don't want to feel again I don't want to fail again Helen and I don't wanna be stuck here either and I don't want to be stuck here either damn what if I celebrated really small changes what if I celebrated really small changes top of the head and notice that I was breaking out of patterns a little bit of time and notice I was breaking out of patterns a little bit at a time that might work that might work nice deeper may not be that stuck but I know that there are areas of my life when I'm like oh I don't even want to look at that no it's not gonna be good so I think it's important to address the energy some people have another right and I think that's that's one of the component pieces that emotional freedom work can bring to this process because I've been told to set a goal and to to just decide maybe set up some external punishments and accountability but if I have a pattern and it somehow has been important to me then there is resistance and so that's part of what we're acknowledging here you are you're not broken the resistance to changing patterns allows for stability it allows for stability inside your your own system it allows for stability and your relating to the things in your world and particularly with the people in our world and that kind of stability our organism values and we're fortunate to have the consciousness that can also go through steps but we definitely if if if these and please feel free to share in the chat if if this was an issue for you as you felt it whether it was fear about changing or a doubt or the pain of past trying to change things there for a reason they'd like for me eat when I was a little child there was a lot of abuse and food was only one I didn't have access to cocaine or alcohol or cigarettes or you know the ways that I could escape that food was the only thing that was available to me and our bodies actually they produced dopamine and serotonin based on what we're eating so it's a very small child that was kind of a chemist figuring out what I needed to eat to kind of suit myself there like it was so smart but it did still my go to like if I'm feeling stressed and look or I'm feeling angry I'm like or if I'm feeling depleted or meaning soothing that's the like my brain still wants to go there so there's still a pattern there it actually does see me it's really useful to have that as a backup but I would rather not go to as a first the first line that make sense yeah do you want to move to us to our second topic identifying those that serve us well and those that might be stuck yeah I think that's really useful and I just want to say that like people feel like someone people Karason I may be singing your name wrong apologize the patterns make sense survival don't um don't feel it's dangerous exercise threatens up survival program for me I totally relate and there's actually I don't know if you've read you may have already seen this but when we exercise there's a bio feedback loop for people that have had a lot of trauma our heart rate goes up when we exercise our breath gets faster the exercise which if we have associated those things with threats to our life can trigger our survival brain so there are lots of tapping you can do there's lots like you we do have to feel in our body when we exercise to a certain extent and we also end up by a feedback loop going and tapping is the best thing I know I'm to help with that so thanks for sharing that mm-hmm nice deep breath Curly's no I'm really afraid to even hope that anything can change I'm really afraid to even hope that anything can change because it really hurts what I hope cuz it really hurts when I hope they don't have to try to change anything right this minute maybe I don't have to try to change anything right this minute I'm just asking to be aware of the patterns I'm just asking to be aware of the patterns when do these patterns serve me when did these patterns serve me and when are they kind of taking away from my life and when are they kind of taking away from my life now wow that's really complex yeah feels complex in my body mind I browse some of those are good patterns sometimes and bad patterns other times some of them are a good pattern sometimes and bad patterns others so today what if my only goal is just to be aware just now what if my only goal is to be aware as I start out yeah I just notice the patterns I have notice the patterns I have under the nose accept them and appreciate that they help me at some time appreciate and they and extent acknowledge except that they helped me at some times so that still feels tough but not quite so scary this feel feels tough but not quite so scary what if I just noticed which pattern serve me what if I just notice which pattern serve me I'm gonna hang out with them like an old friend and hung out with them like an old friend universe would you help me with this universe would you help me with this I could really use a hand I could really use a hand and some support a slow deep breath so I I want to acknowledge that if you're here live or on the recording you have a pattern a pattern of keep showing up for yourself enough that you're here yeah you may be exhausted from that feeling of failure and yet you showed up may have feel this real resistance in your body mind to changing a pattern and yet you're still engaging and to me that that's a pattern that identifying that we how we show up for ourselves is a useful thing it reminds our it shifts into a bit of a different place a place of possibility so I know we're tapping on a bunch of things right here one of those are the patterns that I'm sure that you're aware of that are like well I want to stop these stop these stop these stop these if if as part of this there is also an awareness that like your awareness of willingness to be vulnerable enough to even get to this place take a moment and and and this is where touching your body maybe you're not used to touching your body with acknowledgement you know they say you know give yourself a pat on the back always found that a little uncomfortable I like getting Pat's on the back but it's like this feeling of of being in the heart space I really love the one where you hold the back of your head and the heart to me that's really connective and grounding they do that although I'm in London yeah and so yeah so identifying a pattern I think one of the things that's often we we look at the endpoint like the bag of chips is empty and I feel sick to my stomach kind of endpoint that's an endpoint or you know instead of instead of saying what I wanted to say I shoved it down and now I'm I'm a home and I feel I don't feel good about myself got all these emotional dysregulation happening there's there's the state of being that happens like at the start of the pattern and that I I encourage us to to put some look at some attention to how does that feel Cathy you know to look at something that and if we can trace it back to before were actually deep into the pattern I think that the biggest thing I learned from myself is if I can slow it down and notice when the pattern starting that's what I have control and I think for me the panic especially when I was having back when I was dealing with all the abuse stuff if I could catch the pattern of the panic hitting like I would go into primitive brain and I would just be lost in it I would have flashbacks and things when we can catch it in that moment if we can slow things down enough so that we notice where we're going that's the moment we get to choose and sometimes when the ruts are really deep we tend to go there very fast like it's like boom where all of a sudden we we have the chips in our mouth and the TV's on and we're like how did that happen it's almost like a fugue state we go and to get there and if we can slow it down and accept it I think a big part of this is if someone said I feel exhausted from from failing a lot of times people have a pattern about how to try to change their patterns we have a pattern when we do the same thing over and over again thinking if we try harder this time it'll be better I'm going to willpower myself through I'm going to sign up for all the things I'm going to buy the books and read them all pointing at myself and then we're going to somehow get through it versus just like okay what if I just accept it I have a pattern here and appreciated that it didn't serve me at some point what if I can bring some gentleness and love in there and that will allow it like when we're fighting something really hard it gives it a lot of energy it's very very hard to break a pattern when we're doing this but if we say hey wow pattern you're there for a reason thank you for all you did pattern it takes there's little space between what we were doing and what we want to do that lets us decide make a little bit of a choice and I really think that a lot of people try to wrench the wheel the the tires out of the rut yeah and is really it's like jarring it's hard and um it feels bad to us versus like oh I'm in a rut this rut serve me look how many times it's taking me where I wanted to go thank you thank you and okay for right now from this minute I'm gonna pause like I really did like it was like a I'm just not used to pause for 30 seconds and then I can let myself go down that same right if I need to I'm gonna pause for a minute like as I built up the muscles to not immediately major into something if that makes sense and so I want to go to like if you have a pattern that when you're out and emotions arise you want to run back home that's a primal pattern you see that in a bunny right and they they race for the Burrow that's in our primal energy system and changing that is changing millions of years of evolution yeah in like the anxiety or the feelings that come up when we're out and about we can we can use tapping to strengthen those that's less primal more like in response to stimuli and then there's this what they're the social nervous system which I think a lot of the patterns that come to us as emotional freedom coaches is part of this social nervous system so for example when I've worked rarely with people with cigarette cigarette addiction I'm not a I'm not a specialist in that but one of the things where we've found success in changing it is okay as you work your way back from you're out there and you're smoking a cigarette and you can do that with I've got the ice cream in my hands and I've already eaten four bites of it and you work your way back and you want to be looking at the physical and the emotional but less like the physical can be what's what's alive in my physical space I'm alone I feel alone that's the emotional I am alone I feel alone it could be that you got people around and you feel alone that's the physical and the emotional and you work your way back to when did when did that really start like for some people for cigarettes they start feeling like they need connection and they know that there are people out there in the smoking lounge and they go to have conversation yeah around something that is bonding like if you're a cigarette smoker today you are bonded in the amount of abuse that you get with other people who are smoking and it's a bonding experience for for a lot of the people that that I've talked to so that's the that's the thing that you're starting to feel like if I have a particular challenge with scheduling which is a fundamental part of being a professional is to be able to schedule what where it starts is that feeling like I'm starting to feel a little trapped in things to do it's a emotional state and that's where if we're going to use tapping if you if you jump to the end and how you feel guilty ashamed like I'm a failure if you're tapping at that point it's a bit like if you jumped into the trauma right at the key point now sometimes we can do that but it's more likely if you're working on a trauma to start from before it started before anything bad had happened in the same way with potato chips okay what what were you feeling when you got home I was so frustrated okay yeah so before you even walked in the house there's already a very high level of arousal around frustration yeah that type of thing did that make sense I think it makes a lot of sense anything gene okay you're talking about your panic makes you want to run home when you feel pain and you're out and your stomach goes once it lung key what if instead of like I know you feel guilty about it we often feel very guilty and angry and frustrated when our patterns keep caring what if we acknowledge like hey well my system is taking care of me really well I am running home to my safe cave because I don't feel safe like I a lot of times again when I'm fighting it there's no room to change it if I stop fighting it I go oh wow pattern that was really sweet of me to take care of me so well now there's a little bit of room to say okay I can't run home but do I want to wait a few seconds and just see if I if the pattern the panic subsides I think that when we fight things that's really hard to change them and I think that's one of the main sources of failure than I see can we do a little tapping on that yeah nice deep breath pretty job even though I want to fight this pattern even when I even though I want to fight this pattern so frustrated with it I'm so frustrated with it it messes up everything it messes up everything and it takes so many things out of my out of my life and it takes so many things out of my life supid pattern stupid pattern I hate you I hate you I really eat you I really hate this pattern what if the pattern is actually trying to help me what if the patterns actually trying to help me I know what I meant that I don't want to admit that I'm really mad at it I'm really mad at it but maybe it's trying in a very awkward way to help me maybe it's trying in a very awkward way to help me top of hand I still hate it I still hate it I'm wrong but what if I could say thanks for trying mattered thanks for trying pattern side of the eye I get that maybe you're trying to be good I get that maybe you're trying to be good under the eye even while you're annoying the [ __ ] out of me even while you're annoying the [ __ ] out of me under the nose I hate your pattern I hate your pattern but thanks for trying to help thanks for trying to help Oh what if I know hard what if I didn't want what if I didn't fight you so hard what if I didn't fight you so hard under there what if I could find something good about you what if I could find something good about you ahead I don't want you I do not want to eyebrow but fighting you certainly as it worked fighting you certainly hasn't worked beside of the eye what if I could just accept that you're there for a reason what if I could accept that you're there for a reason yeah you actually help me for a long time you actually helped me for a long time I don't know so maybe I can accept you maybe I can accept you attend and maybe I can appreciate that you're trying to save me I can appreciate that you're trying to save me probably the best way you know how that's the way you know how then what if I could hear you pattern what if I could heal you so that it helped you transform into something new and help transform into something new nice deep breath I do think they often get parts of ourselves stuck in these patterns no traumatic response and there's almost like this energetic kinetic bubble a younger self it's in there running this pattern to try to get us to be seen and I think that's one of the reasons is so hard because we want to fight it and defeat it and I don't think our systems are designed to throw any part of us away our own inner being I believe you know the No Child Left Behind really didn't work for education but I think it's really smart for us when we're healing because they're a part of me in that pattern it's a part of me that's like panicked and alone and scared and every time I yell and it feels like another beat up child and then just adds to it where she's like hey honey I get you're really scared look at us we're going back to the house safe we're gonna take care of ourselves the way we know how and let's just do a little tapping when we do it we're not gonna fight the pattern we're just going to acknowledge it do a little tapping help them heal and relax a little and then I think often we can we had to some more room to see the pattern and change how we interact I think what we've done here is do something that's very natural when you're when you're shifting it using this tool and skill of tapping we we started with some acceptance and then we started identifying something and as the energy came up and we're in a group together you may have also picked up the energy of other people feeling activated in their frustrations and panics and fed up nests and what we do is we what do we do we go back to acceptance and Cathy's making this point over and over again because it's that important that that which we're really resisting and fighting is part of the persistence of a pattern the persistence pattern is the grinding resistance that it activates and and there's a perverse way that that keeps us in it and also gives it energy because it thinks it's really important and if this is where you are then that's your cycle accept yourself identify a pattern feel the resistance and then come back to acceptance and then let's take a moment and breathe because nervous system wise and brain pattern wise I think a lot of times when we're trying to shift the pattern we don't give ourselves a moment to integrate and a moment can be a day or two a chance for our our body to feel a bit more of the acceptance like a part of me is feeling the time pressure to drive forward to get through the other points and I get that I mean I there's an impatience that comes with identifying something that we want to shift especially if it's been identified in our face over and over again if you have a pattern that you're really been aware of and it's in your face and it's been that way for decades then it's there for a very powerful reason it's not keeps you safe on some level and I think that that's part of the blocks is that it's somebody it if you've ever been around a three-year-old and they like to play with knives you're going to put a lot of energy into making sure that they don't have access to knives that when they get a knife in their hand you get it away from them you're trying to keep them safe and there's no world at which you say hey it's okay for my three year old to be playing with real knives there just isn't and a part of us that might be really treating something like it's a knife still from trauma in particular the the gap that Cathy was talking about by by infusing some acceptance into this pattern and opening up the a little bit more curiosity of how might this be keeping me safe how might it have helped me and people can think of something like god it's useless I have never ever ever in thousands of sessions seen a pattern that did not was not grounded in something smart and survival and maybe that's one of my superpowers is that you know what about eating chips how is that well they're calories and fat from a primal standpoint if you're under stress if you feel like you're an outcast even for an instant you need to grab as much food you see it on the nature movies there's an intelligence in that too it's tasty it's crunchy it fills your ears with crunchy sounds instead of I'm all alone of the silence that's around you you're crunching that's really intelligent if you can't handle the silence of being alone and I'm tapping because there have been times in my life where this was a pattern that arose because my physical world changed my emotional world changed and so there is an intelligence here and the the energy of acceptance and and acknowledgement like up it keeps me safe by what it makes me it helps me avoid this or and in it I am afraid of this if I didn't have if I didn't have this pattern I'd be afraid that I think that's really important to recognize that sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense to us now as an adult like I can handle anger I'm really I processed anger like I'm fine with anger but a lot of us form these patterns when we were very little and we couldn't process them you didn't have the support or the understanding to make a logically better decision we didn't have the experience the world so if your pattern doesn't make sense to you imagine that you're a small child overwhelmed and facing things you don't understand that might give you some context and some compassion for the pattern and the part of you that formed it because there is like we don't always make sense in fact when they don't make sense tapping is very effective to release it you're gonna go back to that time do the inner child tapping like hi sweetheart thank you for coming up with such a brilliant solution guess what things have changed let's let's look at this together and figure out a better way now like there's a lot we can do when they don't make sense do you want to ask for a volunteer on this one sure if you let someone once the intro love clearing stuff so if you have a pattern I'd like a volunteer that's at this point you're clear that you have a pattern and you have an idea of how it keeps you safe if you want to volunteer you can leave a message in the chat or go to the participants window there should be a participants button below the videos or on that on iPhones and androids there's a dot dot dot and raise your hand if nobody volunteers that's that's fine we'll go ahead and tap and Arlene I think you said that you didn't have I'll try here Arlene are you there I think she said that she didn't have a microphone on her laptop yeah yeah yeah thank you for for trying there and we have Evelyn yes and would you like your video on that's okay it wasn't on I do I have to do something let me just ask let's see if that worked did you get a little notice if you don't start my video okay it's okay okay hi everyone how are you oh I am loving this I'm so glad I'm so good what do you think of your pattern Wendy like what pattern do you willing to share what pattern that you're noticing that you feel stuck I sure do I'm gonna be 69 this year and I have a pattern of staying up late and it's so not healthy for me on mental and physical and I'm aware of it and I've been trying to change it yeah and I've been failing I've been progressing a little bit sometimes but then I fall back into it I even stay up all night sometimes work okay I'm not so that's not working for you it's not adding to your health and it's probably very very frustrating I I always feel very out of control I feel like and not an adult's not a competent human being when I can't change them like that exactly I've said to myself you are 68 years old and you're dealing with this what is wrong with you and you can't even put myself to bed right what is law exactly so when do you have any sense of when you might have decided this was a good thing went to stay up all night I just thought of that a little bit when you said go back into your childhood I know as a teenager I did this I would stay up till way way late wait to do my homework till 2:00 in the morning and you know that sort of thing I don't know really I can't pinpoint how it's serving me okay so when you think about if you could think back to a teenager were there things you've got out of so I remember staying up late as a teenager because one it was the only time I was away from my family and it was quiet like it was kind of a safe space they were honestly I got that space it kind of felt decadent and like I was being bad and I was kind of like I there wasn't a lot of freedom for me so it was a way for me to get some freedom and be rebellious in a way that I wouldn't be crushed what what do you think about that stain up you obviously got something out of it did it yeah my mom said that even as a young child I never wanted to miss out on anything so I have like huge interest in everything so many times I'm up late surfing the net looking at emails you know I'm a self-help guru what kind of person so that might be part of it and also when I was had my five children and life was crazy I stayed up so that I could have the time to myself like you talked about yeah okay so that fear of missing out is big well I'm getting the impression you're very intelligent curious person I guess a lot of was there a lot of resources for you when you're a very little time that curiosity and that that intelligence stimulate it can you say that last question so like when I was little there wasn't like people didn't understand children needed a lot of like there wasn't a lot of like really fun things that I wasn't excited about around for me I'm just curious if that was true I don't know I mean there certainly wasn't the internet back there but I got to go the library I did church things I did you know family things so I feel like I had a lot of stimulation but not a lot of money to do things like piano lessons or anything like that okay can we imagine going back in time can you imagine that little girl that was staying up late she she didn't want to she did not want to miss out on anything she was afraid of missing out on anything okay okay could you imagine her in front of you just like like she's just like a little entity energy of you in front of you okay and would you ask her if we could do some gentle tapping with her that it wouldn't hurt but she could say yes or no as she likes yes okay ask her if she'd like free to tap on her or would she like to tap on herself a little confusing I'll be tapping on nice oh right okay yeah she'll tap she'll tap okay great so what I'd like you to do is we're gonna go through it tap and you're just gonna do just like you normally do tapping but you're gonna imagine that that little energetic and did to me of you is gonna be tapping on yourself as we go does that make sense yes all right so crowd each other hey sweetheart hey sweetheart thank you for coming to talk to me thank you for coming to talk to me I love you I love you I know sometimes I yell at you and I know sometimes I yell at you I really want to go to bed earlier I really want to go to bed earlier and you do not want to and you don't want to you want to see all the things you want to see all the things and know all the things that are happening and know all the things that are happening and soak up as much experience as you can and soak up as much experience as you can and I really admire that about you and I really admire that about you and maybe we can find a way to work together and maybe we can find a way to work together something that I'm tired of fighting with you I'm tired of fighting with you I brought it doesn't work it doesn't work how do I you're really strong you are really strong under the eye you're so determined to not miss out on anything you are so determined not to miss out on anything the nose and you want to learn everything you can and you want to learn everything you can Jim I just really appreciate you I just really appreciate you everybody you've made my life so rich you've made my life so rich I can't imagine my life without you I can't imagine my life without you oh go ahead and maybe when we were little and maybe when we were little there are a lot less things to Gaugin there were a lot less things to engage in engage in I brought bdellium the internet but now we have the Internet finally I added so much information and so much information under the eye it's really overwhelming sometimes it's really overwhelming sometimes under the nose I wonder if we could work together to choose the things we look at I wonder if we could work together to choose the things we look at and maybe get a little more sleep so that we can actually enjoy the things we're learning and maybe get a little more sleep so we can actually enjoy those things how about there's this really cool thing called body yes muddy no there's this really cool thing called body yes and body no under there and we could learn that so we can decide what things to do we can learn that so we could decide what things to do top of the hair didn't sleep is also an experience sleep is also a great experience and I would like to experience that a little better and I would like to experience that a lot better take a nice deep breath what do you know seeing about her right now I'm not noticing her I'm noticing me I'm noticing a huge willingness to let go of this bad pattern it's beautiful yeah I mean I've been willing before but I'm like almost like on a shift of hey this really would be better for me way allied like I had the realization but now I'm feeling it in my body that's wonderful that's really wonderful I hope that continues and if something comes up you feel more resistance sometimes tapping on an outside the energy like that can give us a lot more leverage and it lets us stay in the very adult mature space whilst well-identified the only connecting with that part of us so if that works for you imagine inviting her to snuggle up with you when you go to bed if that works for you imagine her snuggling up with me yeah it's like hey let's go to bed together that's a funny experience we're gonna snuggle and we're gonna get up tomorrow do all these fun things we need to be well-rested so we can go do them that's it that's great thank you so much thanks for talking that's great thanks all right Thank You Cathy and you you bring up a really important point we talked on when you've got a block whether it's a fear like the fear of missing out if if we have a fear of missing out it'll Drive a lot of things in our lives if there's an ambivalence if I have a part of me that wants to do something and a part of me that doesn't I can be in a pattern that's sort of like doesn't doesn't go in either direction and you could do that tapping with the part of you that wants to wants to do this and the part of you that refuses to and by collaborating with those facets of you we are really multifaceted our brains have different regions we our body has different needs our liver and our our amygdala have have different assess different system needs I'm sorry we can't talk with more people like we're running out of time but Rick does have the the circle of the team circle and that's an amazing place if you're part of it to bring these things up because both of us love to help people through this stuff the body yes buddy know is very powerful and can we send out a link to that page to the people that are here or people that sign up for the cow we've done column on it before I think I have the video according we did of it to you I can I can make sure that gets up we've all since since you signed up I'll I'll put that on the replay page yeah it's Rick taught that to me and I was like holy crap that's so good so I really encourage you if you haven't gone through that please do and if you're not a member of the circle Rick circle I highly recommend it it means such a big difference in my life you can sign up at thriving outcome /team it's really affordable a great place to get slash circle o circle the other one works two old patterns that was not so bad I guess because you left it but yeah so like if you want some more support on this I really encourage you and gene and David and Simone and some other people run I think that's I forget Who am I forgetting someone else runs some calls on their team that's oh that's ok ok that's a great way to get some beautiful connection and energy and support so yeah if you're not a member I encourage you to check it out anyway see if it's a buddy yes buddy no for you you know and this is clearly a deep subject I know that we didn't we didn't get into the how do we activate our energy so I'm gonna just make an invitation to you I know that for me if I if I become aware of the fear or something or the trigger for a pattern like I'm starting to feel this Cathy suggested like for the grounding exercises you print out the sheet at thriving nail calm slash grounding so you start feeling ungrounded and you have something to turn to for me I need a menu so like if I'm starting to feel that well well my pattern might be to turn on the television in order to change that pattern I need things that are that include turning on the television on the menu but they may also include dancing with my guitar they also include putting on a song they also include lying flat on the floor in a different orientation or something that moves my brain and like up and down maybe I need to go horizontal or like I started I call it a horizontal break something that puts my nervous system in a different place actually changes patterns patterns do respond to menu choices especially ones that start feeling more interesting and if you have a challenge with coming up with menu patterns that's the type of thing that a coach can help help you with as well yeah Rick does amazing coaching too so you can check that out they offered a menu like oh it's bedtime oh I'm going to cuddle with my inner child or maybe we're gonna share something that's story together make up a bedtime story together or listen to one or laugh at you know an Alexa joke you know I anything that starts meeting the emotional needs that we have the need for laughter and connection and comfort and safety those things on a menu start making a big difference because we start establishing in a gentle way a new way of being so yeah I really appreciate everyone who has been here today it's amazing to connect with you and I love what you're bringing to the world makes me very very hopeful so if you want to reach out to us support a thriving now calm it comes to both Cathy and I only so yeah thank you everyone have a great day may you have lots of freedom