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From the archived Rick and Carol EFT podcast series. The series is complete.
Episode #18 – I am not using my EFT!
- What if I just won’t USE my EFT?
- Why would I want to stay where I am?
- What is the block right now?
- What if I need some time to consolidate my energy?
- What if what I really need is to give myself PERMISSION to refuse?
- Can I feel SAFE moving forward?
Companion Guide
Knowing a practice is useful does not mean you will always want to do it. Sometimes tapping, meditation, gratitude, or another form of self-care lands in the nervous system as one more assignment—one more demand to be a good student, fix yourself, and keep moving.
That refusal is not proof that you are lazy or committed to suffering. It is information. A part of you may need rest, time to consolidate a change, protection from a next step that feels too large, or simply the freedom to say no.
This Guide Helps With
- resisting a practice you know can help
- treating resistance as information rather than sabotage
- finding the feared consequence of positive change
- distinguishing a needed pause from automatic avoidance
- restoring choice when self-care has become another chore
Respect the Refusal First
You do not have to tap.
That is especially important here. If you do not want to tap, you can read, listen, notice your body, take a week off, or do nothing with this material today. A useful practice should increase your capacity for choice, not become another authority forcing you forward.
Sometimes a clear prohibition even reveals the conflict: “Do not tap for a week.” One part may relax immediately, while another says, “Wait—I actually want to.” Either response gives you more honest information than pushing through resentment.
Ask What Not Changing Does for You
Resistance often has an upside, even when the present situation hurts. Imagine only the next logical step, not the most dramatic version of success. Perhaps it is ten pounds, one honest conversation, a modest income change, one application, or letting a relationship become closer.
Notice what your body predicts:
- I will have to work even harder.
- People will expect more from me.
- I will lose my identity or belonging.
- Everything will change too quickly.
- I will open feelings I cannot manage.
- If I start, I will never be allowed to stop.
The feared consequence is often more useful than the label “self-sabotage.” It tells you what needs reassurance, a boundary, a smaller step, or more support.
You May Be Consolidating
Change takes energy. After something opens, the system may need time to find its balance before moving again. That is not the same as giving up. Even a positive shift can be unfamiliar enough to require a pause.
Ask: “If I had complete permission to stay right here for a while, what happens in my body?” Relief may mean rest is genuinely needed. Anxiety may point toward what the next step represents. Either way, permission makes the signal clearer.
Optional Tapping: Let the Oppositional Part Speak
Only use this round if tapping feels like a choice. You can also speak or silently notice the phrases without tapping.
Side of the Hand: Even though I do not want to do the things I know can help, I accept that this refusal has something to tell me.
Even though I am tired of trying so hard, I am allowed to relax and be quiet.
Even though part of me may be afraid of what changes next, I can listen without making myself move.
Top of the Head: I do not want to tap.
Eyebrow: Leave me alone.
Side of the Eye: I refuse to make this another assignment.
Under the Eye: I am tired of being told what I should do.
Under the Nose: Part of me needs permission to stop.
Chin: Part of me may be afraid to change.
Collarbone: I am allowed not to do it.
Under the Arm: I accept myself and this resistance.
Top of the Head: What if this refusal is useful information?
Eyebrow: Maybe I need rest or time to consolidate.
Side of the Eye: Maybe the next step feels too big.
Under the Eye: I can choose a smaller and safer step.
Under the Nose: I can set boundaries around what comes next.
Chin: I do not have to force myself.
Collarbone: I can let willingness return in its own time.
Under the Arm: My choice belongs to me.
Take a breath. Notice whether you want to stop, continue, rest, or name a feared consequence. Any of those is a valid response.
A Smaller Experiment
Instead of promising a daily practice, try one moment of contact. Put a hand where you feel tension and say, “Something in me does not want to do this.” Ask what it wants you to know. Do not require an answer.
If action feels right, choose one step small enough that your body does not experience it as a takeover. If rest feels right, make the rest intentional. The aim is not compliance. It is a relationship with yourself in which refusal, willingness, fear, and desire can all be heard.
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