I deserve to be punished. I really did a bad thing. Is it a crime to resist punishment? Feeling angry (isn’t wrong to be angry?) Was I being punished? Self forgiveness.
– I am such a bitch, I can never get what I want.
– I *know* I Have to be special to get what I want.
– I’m powerless.
– If I get something good, bad things will happen.
Fear of never getting better… Difference between “better” (improving) and “better” (perfect in every way)… Means I am a failure and will never be happy… Pressure to be better NOW!
All physical beings seem to require attention and care. It is our job (on the primitive survival level) as children to engage with our care givers. Human beings will contort themselves in order to get attention and recognition, in order to be seen.
How much punishment do we need to inflict before we can forgive ourselves? How will we know when we can forgive ourselves? What would we need to do to be forgiven?
We can control how we feel about it and what we tell ourselves about it- which can relieve suffering. When you feel pain in your body, what does that tell you about yourself?
WHY ME? That question often brings disempowering answers, “because I’m not worthy”, “I’m bad”, “I’m a pain in the ass.” More empowered questions: what is my body trying to heal? what needs to heal?
A lot of us have something we focus on as holding us back. Something that limits our happiness, abundance, feelings of self-worth, and connections to others. Having something big and obvious to direct most of our pain at is one way of coping. It does “protect” us from other issues.
