Grow a Healthy Relationship with Your Own Power

Presented by Rick Wilkes, Anissa Centers

Automatic YouTube transcript; light human review is still recommended.

**00:01**

all right welcome everyone today we're going to be exploring growing a healthy relationship with your own power and some of our introductory questions to tune to is do you walk away from conversations frustrated because you didn't say what you were really thinking or feeling and do you feel like you muzzle yourself and don't speak your truth and do you have personal or professional relationships where you don't feel like you're your heard and don't feel comfortable speaking up and as my guest today on this centers and I've been exploring this one of the things that we've landed on having way about this exploration of power within the personal power and then the power with and how that's so much different than being overpowered as so much of business and professional personal life can be welcome in Nyssa thank you thank you so much for inviting me I'm really really excited about this topic because I've I've personally struggled with it and and still do because I'm human and I've seen a lot of people over the years struggle with the concept of power and they just don't want any part of it is what they pretty much end up deciding and then they have all these unhealthy boundaries if they have boundaries at all and they do leave conversations frustrated or or they're uncomfortable in their own skin and their workplaces or even in their own relationships and so when you started talking with me about this and we started pinpointing exactly what it was it was like you know the sky opened up and the Angels say there's like oh this is glorious hmm you said something there I wanted to amplify they decide they don't want any part of it and I think that's one of the things that I was so attracted to your work and your mission in the world is that you're exposed to people particularly young women who you can sense and feel that they have on to them they have a a power to them but there's something that they're saying I don't want to have any part of that do you can you talk a little bit more yeah what you're feeling from them what they're saying no to yes so that our guests understand where I'm coming from I'm a television news anchor and have been so for approximately 25 years and I've worked in large markets and small markets and by virtue of what I do I'm invited to do a lot of interaction with colleges universities high schools elementary schools middle schools business groups women's groups general groups but the thing that I've zeroed in on the thing that struck my heart the most is how many of those particularly young women I see it in people in general but particularly young women who want to do so much they want to impact the world they're go getters they're enthusiastic they're talented and there's this weird push-pull for them they're they're driven and they'll move forward and then they'll catch themselves and it's almost like oh no no no no I should not be doing that and when you talk with them it it feels when you're looking at them in a professional environment can you hear me yes in a professional environment might be that's me tapping because for me yackin is bringing us under and just bringing up my to my chest is tightening because I am that person right I was that young woman but what it is is that from the outside so a person who's not being very observant as someone who's not intuitive you see this confident person but when you I talk with them individually and they pull me to the side there they talk about how they just don't feel like they're getting it or or you can see there's a certain amount of timidity to them and what I figured out it is is they are not comfortable with power bears or anyone elses and what they'll do is they'll work off of you know like following your bliss and living your mission and they'll be going going going going going and they're moving forward and they're or or they're just working behind the scenes because their different personality types and then they'll hit this space where it just doesn't feel good if they don't feel comfortable either they spoke up in a room full of and I'm not picking on men when I say this is just this is a trigger for some people say a room of middle-aged men in suits and they spoke up and they disagreed and that was what was in their hearts and then immediately after this constriction that's I should have done it and you'll see them start apologizing or shutting down and what it is is that just not comfortable exercising their inherent power and they'll back away from it and I'll catch a lot of that apologizing their company heads down or or they'll shrink into themselves or sometimes even they'll go the opposite direction they'll try to bluster their way through it and in an embrace this masculine concept of power that they've been trained to think that that's how the business world works and it still doesn't feel good and it's not sustainable as you've been out in the business world how much do you think the business world is just that that power over and the kind of the traditional at this point versus we haven't really landed on our new concepts of power and that that person the let's say using the example of a young woman and she's really clear she's professional she's competent and she has something that needs to be added to the business there's a there's an aspect of this that isn't just go along to get along and she speaks up if there were 20 men in that room and obviously other women how much of a reception is she actually getting for that kind of expression that's the interesting thing about it I found that it depends on the way she approaches it okay the normal way the traditional don't say normal because normal implies that it's the correct way the traditional way of approaching it is you know put my big-girl panties on I straighten up my spine I do do presents and then I just take over the room I have I say it in a slightly aggressive way right well often if you can be the biggest bully in the room yeah it'll appear as though people are listening to you but if that's not your style then sometimes you'll see it go over like a lead balloon and you'll see that but that brush-off that kind of padding on the head all you know you're so pretty that kind of just dismissive attitude and when I trained and mentored and I've actually taught classes about this and what I found to be most effective is for there to be a refrain from within for the person who's doing the speaking and I found that if we can change the perspective we have on power and explained and so that they understand that it doesn't mean that I have to be the biggest bully in the room it doesn't mean that I have to be the loudest doesn't mean I have to be the most masculine it doesn't mean I have to be the most aggressive what I need to do is to make sure I'm expressing myself in a way that feels comfortable for me and a way where I am not feeling like I'm trying to push someone into something that's not good for them so what I do is we talk about how is what you're proposing good for you and good for them and then we address it from that perspective and it goes over phenomenally almost everyone leaves the room feeling good about it and it's effective and that's what power is power is nothing more than influence it's not aggression some people get it that way but it's nothing more than influence and we influence people all the time whether we're holding back or not we influence just by our presence and being a part of the energetic mix in the room so I'm hearing the the the refrain from within goes to the crux of what brings us together I think and from the practical part of me really wants to feel that even more deeply to to understand this as a way of relating and I I love the fact that you have seen this you've seen the different dynamics whether done by men or women where it's that hierarchy who can project the most status versus who has that power within themselves and they're sharing that from a different frame of reference so I'd love for you to go a little deeper into what what the you know if you're if you're with someone professionally and they've been enculturated into the old style how how we go from the old style of power dominance bully aggressive put your big girl big-boy pants on how do you how do you take them to a place where they're in a different different way different mindset Hartsook what immediately comes to mind is a particular kind of mine who was uncomfortable talking about how uncomfortable someone made her because sometimes in news this is somebody I was working with who just so happened to be in the news business I'm news can be bury and cut and dry okay get to a get to it get to it get to if you only have a certain amount of time I only have a certain amount of time and and it can be it can be it can be a rude business and to try to think of a polite way to say this but um but it was it was hindering her ability to express herself and grow and present story ideas and to explain what was taking place when she was crafting a piece of work and so what I had her do was understand that everybody and this part of this comes from my husband is a was a top sales executive at a fortune 500 company everybody responds to what benefits them if you can explain to them how it benefits them everybody some people say it's selfish whatever it's the way it works we're very open to things that help us and so as I was talking with her I said you know what what I'm figuring out from you is that you don't want to come across as weak you don't want to come across this oh you're hurting my feelings I'm saying well let's look at it this way if we can reframe it for him or her I think it just so happened to be a male manager but it's happening with female managers and said oh why don't you approach it from this and say I understand that you want to get the most from me over the years I figured out that a slightly more hands-off approach or a slightly less aggressive approach means that you'll get more out of me because I want to perform at my highest level and I know you want me to perform at my highest level so if you would just kind of hold off and maybe cap for a couple of seconds before you say that then it won't take me out of my headspace where I'm being most productive yeah it's different how have you used that is there a there's an example that you feel comfortable sharing about how you've tapped into your power within I mean to me the what benefits them unless we're just totally selfless and we're offering things that have no benefit to us at all just to benefit others but if like if I know I'm selfish enough that if I'm offering something it also benefits me so that it fits the power with but do you have an example of where where you used this let me think about that because I have personal examples and there are professional examples you know I have I have uses professionally there's something I despise contract negotiations with a fiery passion I mean I would rather have my insides dragged along a highway and run over by an 18-wheeler then talk with somebody about how I deserve more money there's a little bit of capable discomfort four hours on that I have four hours in it and it was interesting because I'm really grateful for my husband's background because his attitude is just ask for what are they gonna say no and I'm thinking oh my gosh what if they say no don't think I'm greedy they'll think I'm selfish oh they all think I'm a diva [Laughter] because because because television most television people especially in front of the camera work under contract and so we're talking about me doing this at age like 23 that was not a comfortable sensation so what I figured out over the years after talking with him and and the refrain for me often was when I'm talking with people and say you know what in order for this to be a great working relationship and we want it to be a great working relationship you know you're gonna have to feel like you're getting what what's best for you and I'm gonna feel like I'm getting what's best for me and it's gonna have to feel fair we're gonna have to leave here feeling good about it so that we can move forward and I was like if I'm working under these conditions it's not gonna feel good for long and I and I'm concerned that I won't be able to give you what you deserve and yes I practice those conversations write them out practice them and because I teach this in courses anything I'm surprised that more people don't do it this way but it took me a while to figure it out so I guess I shouldn't be surprised but as I'm practicing it and I'm noticing what I what I'm feeling and then I'm anticipating what they might possibly say because there are a number of things they could say then eventually I feel comfortable enough to where when I open my mouth I'm not a brought this up during our initial conversations or on the subject and I remember that if I'm if I'm remembering correctly if you're working with a client and I assume also practicing it for yourself that if something comes out of your mouth that isn't really you that's one thing and then there's something coming out of your mouth that's really uncomfortable and it's really you how do you how do you practice the different I mean how does that come into the practice dynamic you know I want to say something that you know that they would like to hear but it's really not who you are it's not long it's not gonna be a long-term solution because if it's not you it's not sustainable that is a core foundational belief for me if it's not you it's not sustainable what is why what happens if it's not you and then if you keep doing the one it's going to eat away at you and you you're not going to feel good about it and eventually even if it is successful you won't continue doing it because that's human nature if it doesn't feel good if it consistently feels bad and I mean that build on build on build on kind of bad you won't do it that's what it's almost like dieting it's that deprivation works if you keep it up but you're hungry yeah you're gonna eat good you think as you look at the people coming into the business particularly those of younger ages and the like what are you noticing that's that they're doing that's not sustainable I mean there's I know that as I listen to college age people and people in their 20s and and even early 30s that there is a different mindset but there's also some things that just don't feel sustainable and I can't always put my finger on and I'm curious what you're noticing particularly related to power and how they're using it and not using it like an example if you're if you're out and about or if you're so that I can get a bead on what you're referencing okay so like one of the antidotes to not speaking up can be radical honesty there's even books on it and so I've noticed that some some people coming up through that they will need to be heard and need to be heard in their most radically honest self and I have a question about the sustainability of that especially in a power with you know that's just an example of one of those things where that's different than the kind of reference from within reframe as I try that on reframe from within way that you're talking about it but there is also some wisdom in it like it does get you speaking yeah it doesn't always get you saying what is a benefit to you it's I do I've recognized what you're talking about I've seen it that I've seen it a lot actually now that you mention it and actually and there are a lot of I call them adults because they're adults too but I mean but older people people closer to my generation who do that as just like you said an antidote to feeling powerless because I don't want to feel POC feel powerless so they'll know it's another way of dominating a conversation and dominating it is it's not productive because what I've noticed with that particular characteristic that you're talking about is they've grown up during those fundamental developmental social years idolizing people who seem to be getting attention and getting what they want doing that and it's still not been and it's still not them still not them because when when I started out doing motivational speaking I was really into everybody embracing you know that inner bad chick or you know successful dude or whatever the case was and then I realized that's not everybody's style yeah I'm flapping my gums all the time I'm exceptionally energetic much of the time in social situations and in many ways that's just who I am but that is not everybody else's version of tapping into your power and being yourself so now what I share with people and help them cultivate is them getting in touch with feeling those sensations in their bodies figuring out what they guess feels like and then adapting your behavior building your repertoire of tools and skills and social abilities around that because you can be powerful in an exceptionally quiet way if that's who you are so that that impacts me to hear you say that I as as someone who can go both ways to be exceptionally quiet and I do talk a lot hmm you know I'm blessed with platforms and energy and attention how are you feeling a calling as being someone who has that vibrancy and can get attention as you feel into your community the ecosystem around you what are you doing are you called to do anything to to change the space and how things are related so that those people that are yeah they're tuned into their their authenticity but that I don't know sometimes we don't listen to them because we're not always team doing yeah genius how can you be powerful if you're quiet oh thank you so much for asking that question oh and so as I was talking with you earlier in our conversation about power and I remembered you said you know write down a few things you would like people to understand about power and one of the things that came out and it it felt so true it was it was like this this it was like the soothing breeze just flowing through my body is that power is inherent you have it whether you choose to have it or not it's not a question it's not any of those things we we've been modeled patek modeled for us or told it was power is nothing more than influence hmm that's all it is it's influence hmm quiet people also influence your presence changes the dynamic of whatever room you're in whether it's you not speaking up about something then you are let me give you an example so say we're talking there's a group of people we're at a cocktail party okay and these people are talking or you can even say you're at a water cooler at work we could say you know the people a little bit better whatever the case is and someone brings up an issue that is not they say something you think is rude or they say something you think is racist or homophobic or or misogynistic or just just just just wrong whatever the case is yeah if you do not speak which is your right you are still influencing the conversation that person can imply that you're okay with what they're saying that is influencing the conversation but let's say you're not the kind of person who wants to open her mouth to dispute it just this do it again it just it influences the direction of the conversation that is a quick boundary check for the person who's speaking even a person who's oblivious you don't have to your face doesn't have to be that exaggerated because I have a tendency to kind of I'm all over the place I'm just a meme waiting to happen but even if it's just a head tilt or or extra question you say well what do you mean by that that is influencing the conversation you don't have to force them to change their minds you don't even have to force them to change their language but you have influenced that dynamic now let's say if she said she she's a quiet person and she we take it out of the say of a conversation I would like for people to understand that say in my work environment I cherish those quiet people yeah you influence the dynamic of the room with that quiet space you have built around you it is welcoming it is appreciated and the main thing is you don't have to see or hear the influence that you have I just want you to recognize it so the you don't walk around feeling helpless because you're not when I walk into a busy newsroom it feels like I work in a call center I'm not busy busy concrete it is ridiculous it is full of statistically proven ATD people ADHD people it's a business that draws it and so you've got all this and we've got a few quiet people I'm not joking they're the most powerful people in the room one they bring a certain amount of of peace and stability and just lack of noise and I often let them know because what happens with but we said it was gene who asked the question is it those people walk around feeling like they're invisible or that they don't have any influence and that is not true hmm I love people understanding that they do yeah and I I do believe that thank you for sharing that and also sharing that you recognize them and give them that because people do radiate an energy and when we feel like we have a role that we're part of the space makers you know that we are part of the co-creating the circle you know the the people that have joined us even you know just one question change this it wasn't it wasn't on video but it changed it and there's a bunch of other people saying thank you that's exactly the way I feel about me and visible we're getting a chance to recognize that when someone is and and this is sort of the power within if we're not sure that we're welcome if there's nobody that is looking feeling touching recognizing respecting though the role that our energy plays in the community then we start to feel invisible and then I think there's a there's a diminishment requires an enormous amount of self-generating to stay with your power within when you're being ignored when you're when you're really not being recognized and it doesn't take much for us as a circle to recognize each other in the role that we hold and this is the world that I want to live in where the person who who leaves space or even turns to someone who's quiet and you can tell that their energy is up there in there there's something rising right and they want to offer it to be able to do more of that as well as for those those who are cultivating that power within to recognize that even if it's not being spoken even if you're not on stage or on camera or whatever that you're you're playing a potent role in what comes out like I know that you and I talked together just the two of us and this conversation with the people that are joining us from probably around the world it's a different conversation just by their presence their attention their consciousness you asked what I doing and what I want to do more of or what I have done to create that space where where people feel more comfortable tapping into their own power it's exactly this it is I've made a I've decided to make a conscious effort to have people become aware of that inherent power so that they have that that steady wellspring of oh that will help them make it through the day when they would normally field unnoticed because you I want them to understand their influence and understand that it is more than okay to be who you are so that when they walk out of their houses every day they're carrying that reinforced solid sense of self so that they can address whatever is taking place and just kind of it they're moving through from that place of comfort because there's a there's a there's a woman I I've worked with and I didn't understand the the influence I had with basically one conversation and she has a posted note that she posts up above her desk and she was saying well I don't know who I should be and what I should do and I looked at her and since it was one of those wonderful times where I was rounded and centered in myself and I opened my mouth and my spirit spoke I told her the most powerful thing you could be is you and the only thing you need to be in any particular situation is the most appropriate version of yourself for that situation period and to carry that with them and and to know it deep in their souls so that they're solid in it and then they speak from it and they act from it and they live from it and they love from it as as you feel into that that in that that invitation what what are you noticing in your world and inside of yourself you did a beautiful TEDx talk what do you notice are the impediments that are still part of our unsustainable work world to that because it's a great invitation and yet it's sometimes not met in us in a way that people don't flinch back into like okay well so what do you want me to be yeah the whole the whole premise of that talk the motivation for that talk was the life I led that led me to the point to where I understood that who I was being that supposedly powerful woman who had won an Emmy and hood won national and regional and local and state awards she wasn't sustainable because she wasn't me there were pieces of me that would show up you know someone regular basis but that image I was projecting that successful career oriented perfect wife mother person she didn't exist she was who I thought I needed to be she was who I thought I should be and who I thought I wanted to be and a lot of that wasn't me and so that rock bottom I hit was a big wake-up call like okay I can't do this anymore I mean there was there were physical emotional psychological just understanding that I just couldn't and so the main impediment that I have noticed because once I started talking about that experience publicly because I've often had this thing where I just kind of share because I don't want people to think they're alone there's no need of me pretending to be something I'm not if that makes you lead the conversation thinking well sheep you know doesn't feel alone if she doesn't feel insecure blah blah blah whatever the case is yeah and so as I was sharing that experience with people that I was doing what I thought others wanted me to do so that would get approval or love or acceptance or whatever it was that the main problem we have is that we are so trained from a very very young age to respond to that external stimuli and that external confirmation seems like it's the prime directive as a child we need to tap into like is what do I need to do to make mom happy what do I need to do to be successful in this life and get what I want and it does seem like there's this gap of being able to transition from being externally referenced to this reframing from within tapping into that source of power and and connection within ourselves and then sharing it in in a way that that the benefit for all is clearer articulated and yeah I know that being raised as a white heterosexual male there were a lot of things that were unsustainable for me I don't I'm a co-creator at heart I'm not a boss and what nearly killed me was to have 20 people who who even if I asked them please don't call me boss some of them still did or referred to there you know my boss did this or you know and and I realized that as as success it was it was successful but it certainly wasn't sustainable and I appreciate you bringing in that and I live in Asheville North Carolina and we talk about permaculture and a lot of other things about sustainability and you know a lot of times people Drive a lot of power and energy or at least at least energy into something to make it a success or make themselves a success but that's not a sustainable ecosystem whereas you know when you're when you're acknowledging that this needs to be of benefit to all not just the people around the table but all the stakeholders the people that are touched by our work or by our heart by our words that there needs to be something that's of nourishment and sustainability in that and I think a lot of what the reorientation that's happening in emotional world is around that it's it's tapping into you know our are you trying to do something that really isn't sustainably it isn't you which won't be sustainable but it may be an aspect of you that you've put a lot of pressure on like yeah I'm judging yeah yeah cuz you know you're using this judgment whip test oh I needed to be more there's more this more this more than you are that but it's like putting a pressure on you see that like someone takes a gift and and they're using their power within but they're they're out of balance with it what is that how does that show up in your experience you know it's interesting um that just showed up for me this past week on a personal note I've often had people tell me well you just make me feel good about my day or my life and it triggers something from way back young where I felt responsible since I can make people feel good about themselves then it was my responsibility to make them feel good about themselves and so there is this responsibility to be on or to be perky or to be happy and Nisour funny in us uh or whatever and this you know makes the room smile or laugh or whatever the case was and I woke up and I just was not in the mood I just I wasn't I called it my funky attitude I was not in the mood I didn't feel like it at all and after having lived a life where I became resentful for feeling like I needed to play a role I realized through all of the different types of work we've done that that that was not sustainable for me it was interesting I made a conscious decision and gave myself permission to be in a bad attitude that way it's a powerful word isn't it permission giving myself permission a conscious permission it was a choice I'm wondering if going back to one of the first things I wrote down that you said I don't want any part of it that when we notice this is a this is a really pertinent you know the there is a model of I am a I am an energy and people find benefit in the energy they like they let my dance they liked my smile they like my jokes they they perceive me as this happy person and I become this thing in their life and it's almost like becoming the guru of whatever there's a part of me that says I don't want any part of that none of the guru stuff none of that and yet if I'm not careful and you just describe to me you being careful with this mindful with it that no you don't have to be always making someone feel good you don't always have to be emotionally available like I had to really look at I can be really emotionally available but not all the time yeah you know I need to be able to be free to go hide under the covers or to get off grid or to not answer my emails for three days if that's really where I am and that's I we talked about the primitive brain and in the thriving nail circles and I think that's one of the things where the Association is positive this is a good part of me but then there comes this pressure and I I love that you're doing it for yourself that helps maintain the the power within I think there's also that permission we hope I I hope that everyone else hears that this isn't this is for all of us it's us all of us get to give ourselves permission to not always be anything yeah yeah because the only thing you really need to be is you in every situation and if there is if I can do anything before I leave this earth it is to get that understanding truly through it I don't mean understanding in here I mean understanding in here because if you're being you then that means that you are honoring what is best for you in each and every moment and believe it or not that is what's going to end up being best for everyone else because the honest you the real you is the one they deserve to meet hmm that's the you who will come up with the best idea that work because often people talk about this they say well how do I take this guru feel-good crap and fit it into my job think where there are no some practical results this is how you do it understanding that they're really powerful you the one that that's not responding to other people like okay this what I'm supposed to do is not what I'm supposed to do am I supposed to be this my suppose be thinking that that nobody's powerful coming from that space but that solid anchoring of who you are where your understanding and honoring that oh I'm good at this but I'm not good at this and so I don't feel this today I feel this today so when I'm in this meeting if it doesn't feel right for me to speak up no I'm not gonna speak up I'll sneak up at the next meeting if it feels good all of that benefits you and your company or benefits you and the people with whom you're in relationship and it's really the only fair thing to do because if you're developing relationships based off of a false image when the real you shows up when you're ticked off or tired or grumpy and you don't have your caffeine for the day then all of a sudden not scary I mean can it asks about moods you know they do come and go but how did their there are a lot of us who are sensitive and the people that are around us in their mood can can impact and it's not necessarily being externally referenced it's just empathetic eye sensitive how how does this power within come into play to help a person who is sensitive to other people's moods oh this is we're in one of the central focuses of that TEDx talk I gave is is it's happy hour versus rush hour recognizing the physical sensations that come from oh that's my yes as opposed to the physical sensations that come from uh who that's my note yeah and the reason I focus in on the physical sensations is because in our heads we have all these stories about what we're supposed to be doing or who we're supposed to be and what we're supposed to be saying and thinking and feeling and I are all that where's your body never lies right yeah I mean it never lies and so as you're tapping into that and acting from that you're like whoo yeah that's an interesting connection of the body s body no and I'm realizing that if I'm picking up on someone else's emotion let's say they're in grief it can actually be HAP happy hour for me to join them sometimes and yet if I feel compelled to match them either in their excitement in their bliss or in their their depression or their frustration over something that's happening in the world if maybe it's right for me to join them and there's a body sensation of like oh I'm sensitive and I'm joining them this is like joining their song and I'm noticing that as I think about the cases where you know let's say someone is really feeling powerful in the dance and I feel like I'm feeling that resonance I was like oh do I do that or not if it's a yes then I'm riding it with them if it's if it's not and I start trying to do that my my bones hurt yeah it's it's the body saying hey yeah you're picking up on something but it isn't necessarily your yes tap into that power go within and I did that this morning I went within and my body yes was hey let's let them be in their thing and follow my yes so yeah well I've wanted to touch on one thing with that word you were talking about what she said that she what do you do if you're sympathetic and you feel it that's what I'm really big a really really big fan of practical tools that you keep on standby to use so if you you're sensing that and you're kind of you've gotten to where you understand and you're paying attention to what your sensation is and you're thinking oh they're really not in a good space and I feel very sensitive to that right now I believe in bathroom breaks nobody think you can go into the bathroom okay I feel regret trying oh they were great trying you can make him regret trying really like that's that's where the consciousness comes in that's what I want people to understand is it it's it's not just all whew heartfelt and blah blah blah it's how it shows up in your physical world when you're making a conscious decision about how you want to live if you're if you have already thought it through at some point in time where there wasn't you know of course she took or something you heard me say or whatever it was that if I'm already kind of in a slightly low space mm-hmm I'm not helpless I can escape at some point you might not be able to escape right now but you can escape you can go to the bathroom if you if you're afraid that you're gonna kind of get into your your headspace and lose time pull out your timer and yes I've done stuff like this pull out your timer set it for a minute I have two minutes and breathe but it's a type of thing when I say conscious living yeah with those practical tools that you apply to all the feedback you're getting as an empathic person an energetic person walking through this world and I'm I'm hearing the the message that that is so much a part of I think being an emotional world environmentalist is yeah take care of yourself and find the things the Alps like I know that I need an exit wherever possible and bathroom breaks is one of them I want to bring up what what with Janet put in the chat this is all true but when you're working for any company they expect you to act a certain way they're perceived way how can we deal with this when attempting to come from our authentic self ah that's what I miss I thank you so much getting first saying good because I get my every other week check from a major corporation and now I can't just fly in there like you know any old Anisa who feels like showing up that day but that's where it comes in with the understanding of the most appropriate version of you within these parameters yeah does that make sense it does it's like if you're going into work there's a there's a professional range yeah and what does it mean to be a pro here and I I admit there are some places that are really rigid if they're still in the the people that work for us or automatons that need to look like just everyone else and you know I can't survive there they would fire me within I would never get my Tuesday paycheck and then there's that okay is there room for people that are deeper thoughtful a little bit more needing wanting things to settle like with Cathy and I Cathy makes great decisions really fast I can reach the same place and I need a few breaths and sometimes few days in order to do that and so like when I've been with people that are very you know snap good it makes me feel like I'm what wait a minute yeah well and so that's where I believe we're moving to a place where we can ask like is there room here for me to take a half hour to really I want so to use your example I really want this to be a benefit to everyone and is there room for me to take a half hour to sit with this before I come back with my feedback and you know if the shows going on in two minutes the answer to that it's probably not you know and like I believe that as we're clear about our authentic self we start to be attracted to and move into roles even within the same organization though we more of us will start rising that is in balance and sustainable and if then it's less often that we have to do this the unsustainable thing like I I can shovel out my whole driveway and no I would not do that every day my body would be like [Music] this is - there are things that we can do which you know arise on an occasion like launches or special pressures and things but yeah so looking for what the professional range is I'll tell you having worked with a lot of people like CEOs often feel like they are just as bound by what is expected of them as the person on the line even though they have so much freedom in a lot of ways they still answer CEOs expectations and looking for what's the professional what still allows for professionalism yeah you know does that does that it does and I'm glad you you just segue to that because I wanted to address what Jana was saying if I wanted to say to her in particular in to everyone else in general that's why I'm such to be fan of the practical and and as a practical step-by-step methodology that I tend to use even apply it to you know the energetic experience so that you can live in such a way that you get your check on a regular basis you even get promotions to say Janet say you know your work environment you know the type of people you're going to come across on a regular basis they're going to pretty much be the same I mean you know there may be off days but you know the church is going to be the jerk the blowhard is gonna be the blowhard you know the goody two-shoes gonna be the goody two-shoes all those people we met on the playground and we were in elementary school they're all just in suits and dresses okay so we know who we're going to be dealing with take some time look at how your day might play out and look for those places that bring the most in for me it's in my chest it's just it's like there and so look for those places and say okay how can i address this and perhaps deal with this and those are the spaces that will give you the most freedom and space to breathe to where all the rest of the ball doesn't bother you as much but if all day feels like a bunch of bull and all day feels like they know you can't do it you can't take it but you can create those pockets of it makes it all doable mm-hmm it's just a matter of that conscious living that conscious decision that you've made before you get there you're not gonna have a map that you know they're gonna say this I'm gonna say that they're gonna say this I'm gonna say that but it can it can make it more comfortable for you and remember we talked about that that's where you you're tapping into your power most often is when you're comfortable because it's not new and it's not something that's in your face that you're not prepared for thank you so much for being here this is obviously a subject that we're passionate about and we would love some of your questions and feedback so that we can incorporate this in this exploration supported thriving now calm you send it to us and and I'll I'll make sure that Anissa also gets a copy an Assessor is there some closing closing comments that you'd like to yeah I'm gonna let people know that this one there's something that I want you to have my website is www.seannal.com and necesitas comm about halfway through there's a subscribe area and there's a there's a sheet that i've created a very practical heart centered sheet of how to approach is an entry level approach to having uncomfortable conversations in a way that makes you comfortable how to talk to anyone so i invite everyone to and if you subscribe to it i won't send you a whole bunch of crap that's not the way i Function one i've got too much going on number two I don't want to get a bunch of crap in my inbox but it's a way for you to get that information and you can tell me what it is one on one that you that you would like to have more of a conversation about but the primary thing I want to leave people with is that you don't have to leave the real you at home there is a place for you in the business world boardroom in your extra church or synagogue your mosque or or whether you go to I don't know a center or a temple or whatever the case is it's that we can be very conscious kind compassionate human beings and I want you most of all to tap into your power because we need those type of people understanding they are powerful so that those type of people go out and influence the world that is what I want yeah thank you so much and a pleasure ah okay Vanessa so glad that this has come together thank you all for being here and yeah until next time yeah thank you so much best of luck look forward to hearing from you