EFT practitioner Alan Batchelder recently EFT on such memories, even 20 years after the fact.from over two years ago working with a client who experienced a rape by her step-father when she was seven. This case demonstrates a number of key benefits to using
- Complete relaxation after the process has been successfully completed.
- When asked to bring up the emotional event (after doing EFT) the client says she just “can’t get there” and “it just doesn’t seem to bother me like it did.” This is very typical and indicative of major healing.
- Healthy cognitive shifts occur after the process. She says, “Well, that was 20 years ago. I was just a little girl. I couldn’t protect myself then the way I can now. What’s the point in getting upset about something like that.”
- It lasted. After 2 years, she still has no problem with the event.
Here is Alan’s description:
“Sandy” and her partner came in for pre-marriage counseling. Among the issues they were concerned about was their sexual relationship. Most often, she found herself reacting with uncontrollable negative feelings when he initiated sexual play. He was willing to be patient, kind and understanding, and seemed genuinely interested in sex as a shared experience, which she freely acknowledged. Still, she got upset and turned off. They asked whether I could help. I suggested a session with her alone. When she came in I asked the gentle question, “Is there something in your earlier years that you could talk about?” She immediately burst into tears, her SUDS (distress level) shot to a ten, and she began to relate her story, punctuated with heavy sobbing and gasping. I sat, quiet and attentive, as she told this cryptic story: “When I was seven years old we lived in [a small town in Southern Oregon]. One day my step-father took me for a walk down a country road. It was in the summer. We hiked up the side of a hill. Then we stopped. Then he took off all my clothes. Then he took off all his clothes.” At this point she was scarcely able to breath. I stopped her and said that it was not necessary to go any further, but to follow my lead and do what I showed her. We went through the first EFT tapping procedure without even clearing for PR (no statement or karate chop). Her 0-10 intensity dropped to 6. We then cleared with “Even though I still have some of this…” and tapped again. 0-10 intensity fell to 2. One more clearing with “Even if I never get completely over this…” and a last round of tapping. By this time she was breathing quietly. Her skin was free of blotches, her eyes were clear, and she was looking at her hands, lying folded in her lap. I said, “Sandy, as you sit there now, think back to that hot summer day when your step-father took you for that walk down that country road. Think about how you hiked up the side of that hill until you stopped. Think about how he took off all your clothes. Think of how he took off all his clothes. (pause) Now, what do you get?” She sat there without moving for maybe five seconds, then looked calmly at me and said, without undue emotion. “Well, I still hate him.” I agreed that hating him was a pretty reasonable response and possibly a useful one to keep, then asked, “But what about the distress you were feeling?” Again she paused before answering. This time she laughed as she said, “I don’t know. I just can’t get there. Well, that was 20 years ago. I was just a little girl. I couldn’t protect myself then the way I can now. What’s the point in getting upset about something like that. I never let that man touch me again, and my kids have never been allowed to be near him. I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem to bother me like it did.” That was over two years ago. I asked her a couple of months ago whether “that problem” we had worked on had ever come back. She laughed and told me that it was “good and gone.” Her partner, now her husband, whom I saw last week, confirmed that there was no sign of the former difficulties. They have the usual “things”, he said, but nothing they could not handle.
How might Sandy and her husband’s marriage have been different if she had remained with this energy disruption interfering with her ability to relax and feel SAFE in sexual situations? We can be in a safe, loving relationship, yet if we have energy memories like Sandy’s that interfere so strongly, that make us feel terrified even when there is no present-day threat, we need to address them energetically. To Sandy this one memory affected her entire sexuality. When I have taught EFT to clients in my role as coach, the client will often pick the Big One to use as a learning experience, to work together to both learn EFT and to use it effectively on a specific trauma that they know is still affecting their peace of mind and body. One of my clients had experienced both child abuse before ten and a rape in her early teens. EFT neutralized those memories, and it significantly improved her peace of mind and relaxed her body enough that her voice became noticeably gentler. It also made it easier for her to work with children who have been through similar situations themselves. I share these experiences and case studies with you for several reasons. Obviously, I am here to help if it feels to you that I am the right coach to help. Many of my female clients who have been abused have said to me that they felt that working in a safe and supportive way with a male professional was one of the best ways for them to heal. Some work with me one-on-one, and some bring a trusted family member or friend. I’m also open to working over speaker phone, in conjunction with your counselor or therapist. Other individuals have asked if I can recommend a female practitioner or a mental health professional that can help. I am always willing to help you find the perfect fit for you. What I encourage you to do is trust your intuition, as hard as that can be when—sometimes—we feel like our intuition let us down and didn’t protect us from what turned out to be a terrible situation. Know that wherever you are along your healing path, there are many, many people who have had to walk that same road and have healed… and healed completely. It doesn’t have to stay this secret, horrible memory that must be locked away or it will destroy you and everything you value. I know, for certain, that even the “worst” can be healed.