It’s hard when family or friends feel the need for us to conform to a pattern that we spent years breaking out of! They may become defensive or verbally abusive if we don’t meet their expectations. They may do everything they can to push us back into that old pattern, ignoring all the changes we’ve made.
If we choose to be around them, there are things we can do to take care of ourselves and ensure that they’re at least somewhat safe and respectful.
If you can take someone with you as a buffer, that can go a long way towards easing the discomfort and pain of being around the toxic relatives. You can even energetically “invite” a trusted friend or two, or a therapist or coach, to come as energetic buffers if you like. They may not be there in physical form — but imagining them there with you giving you suggestions and comfort can make a big difference.
Donna Eden’s Zip-up method (YouTube) can make a big difference around toxic people.
And you can tap! Feel free to change the words to fit your situation:
Karate Chop: Even though they NEED me to be something I’m not, and they can’t see the real me, I choose to be authentic and let them deal with their own emotions.
Even though they are really uncomfortable if I’m not the punching bag, I choose to accept myself no matter what they say.
Even though I’m pretty angry at them for not treating me respectfully, maybe they’re lost in their own traumas and can’t see me. I’m open to being relaxed and calm and taking care of myself.
Top of the Head: I’m tired of being their punching bag.
Eyebrow: They used me to avoid their feelings.
Side of the Eye: They need me to fit into the old mold…
Under the Eye: Or their house of cards comes tumbling down.
Under the Nose: They are really frightened.
Chin: And they take it out on me!
Collarbone: I’m tired of playing that role…
Under the Arm: And I choose to be authentic and let them deal with their own stuff.
Top of the Head: It hurts when they judge me.
Eyebrow: I’m open to realizing they are projecting their own fears.
Side of the Eye: It isn’t really about me.
Under the Eye: It must be really miserable inside them.
Under the Nose: I’m so grateful I choose a different path.
Chin: I’m proud of the changes I have made…
Collarbone: Even if they can’t see that.
Under the Arm: I choose to accept myself no matter what they say.
Top of the Head: I wish I were rock steady around them.
Eyebrow: But I’m not always… yet.
Side of the Eye: I accept myself and all my feelings.
Under the Eye: And I’m doing something to soothe myself right now.
Under the Nose: I can take care of myself now.
Chin: And let them stew in their own guilt and fear.
Collarbone: My needs come first…
Under the Arm: And I’m taking care of myself.
Top of the Head: I choose to give them back their old energies and celebrate my
Take a deep breath.
Do some Inner Tapping on any parts of you that are terrified of taking care of yourself. That can give you an improved sense of safety and freedom. And our Group Coaching Program is a great way learn new boundaries and self-empowering patterns. Join us today… we’d love to have you!