If you are needing peak experiences to feel good, YES, you have a problem. You can’t hold onto the feeling. The internal chemistry and focus needed just are not available for extended periods of time. Drive drive drive yourself to win at anything, and the ensuing refractory (rest) period that follows may be deeply unsettling to you. Depression is common. And when another win (bigger, of course) does not follow soon… despair and hopelessness can set in. And if not those, an underlying angst that life just isn’t feeling as exciting as you’d like it to be.
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Can an illness make us feel safe? Growing up, when I wasn’t prepared for a test at school, I would get a stomach ache. It would buy me some time. It would give me another day home. It was an “excused absence.” No one questioned. No one poked or prodded. No thermometer had to read high. “My stomach hurts too much to go to school.” And I stayed home. Have you ever done something like that?
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