Unexpected swings in the relationship can create distress and drama — whether you have a business partner, friend, coaching relationship, or intimate partner. As anyone who’s had a relationship end abruptly knows, the feedback from those swings can disrupt your life and drain you emotionally and energetically.
If either of you are having a bad day, say just the wrong thing at the right time, or lose your temper… you can end up dissolving something sweet before you have time to reconsider. It can be harder to put things back together once they’re pulled apart.
Relationship coach Reid Mihalko has a solution that can take the boomerang out of those moments and add stability to your relationships. He recommends discussing your exit strategy with your partner and agreeing on some safeguards to eliminate rash or emotional decisions.
If you have a relationship that you value, sit down with the person while things are going well and create an agreement on how you would handle your worst case scenario. What would you like to see happen, from a calm rational place, before you end the relationship?
(For Law of Attraction buffs… talking about this is NOT going to make it happen! There is probably a subconscious fear buzzing around in your head anyway. Bringing it out in the open and discussing it can ease the underground fears and give you more confidence going forward!)
Example 1: You and your lover of several years decide that if anything big enough to “break up over” occurs, you will spend at least 24-hours “cooling off”, then at least 3 days together talking and working through issues before you make the final decision to part ways.
This lets both of you to feel free to express yourself openly in your relationship, without fearing any disagreement may bring a sudden ending. And those four day’s buffer give you time to calm down and then process and clarify issues that may have seemed much bigger when they first came up. (You also get a chance to tap and work with a coach during that time.)
Example 2: You have a great relationship with a business coach. You are in the middle of a big project that you feel insecure doing on your own.
For various reasons (your coach is taking on a lot of projects, you’ve had support disappear before, you’re feeling scared about moving forward and you’ve run away in the past), you’re feeling uncertain.
You negotiate an agreement that states if either of you wanted to end the coaching relationship you would have a week’s “cooling off” time and another session before either of you made a final decision. This gives you more confidence to move ahead creating your dreams without spending so much energy worrying.
Example 3: You and your business partner have worked together for years happily. You generally agree on where to flow the business, and the occasional disagreements often blow up, at least temporarily.
You update your “separation plan” detailing how the business would split if you parted ways (Always a good idea anyway!), and agree that before you pull the trigger and end things, you would wait 2 days, spend the third day together in person talking, and if that didn’t resolve the problem, get a coach to mediate.
Having a third party present (even via video conference) can help you share more cleanly and openly. You might even clear things up surprisingly easily! (And if you are having disagreements that lead you to feel like ending things, it’s a good idea to get some coaching together on how to handle disagreements more smoothly before things turn resentful.)
Worrying About Endings
When we have a relationship we value, most of us will be worrying if or how it will end. Our primitive brain fears the unexpected and will scramble around for possibilities, even if we’re not always conscious of them. Discussing and agreeing on the exit strategy is smart — like knowing where the emergency exits are in case of fire.
An exit agreement can clear a lot of bandwidth we can use for other fun activities, and let us enjoy the moment in the relationship now!
If healthy relationships are important enough to you that you are curious and open about how to take them to the next level, our Creating Connection Program was designed for you! We’d love for you to be a part of what we’re exploring together. You can learn more and order your copy here:
Tapping can ease the anxiety around relationships. It’s an awesome way to take our fears and anxieties by the hand and bring them relief.
Karate Chop: Even though I don’t want to think of the end, much less talk about it, I do want less drama and stress in this relationship.
Even though it’s frightening to think of things ending, I want to feel secure and having an agreement can do that.
Even though I’m worried about bringing this up, how will he respond? What will she say? I want to deepen my connection and help us both feel confident and open moving forward.
Top of the Head: I don’t want this to end!
Eyebrow: I don’t want to even think about this!
Side of the Eye: But this fear is lurking in the background.
Under the Eye: Talking about the elephant in the room takes courage.
Under the Nose: And it’s Powerful!
Chin: I can give us both a gift by discussing this.
Collarbone: Both of us care about this relationship.
Under the Arm: An exit agreement is the airbag of our relationship.
Top of the Head: It’s easy to get emotional when things matter this much.
Eyebrow: I like knowing there are some brakes.
Side of the Eye: And we both are figuring out where the brakes are.
Under the Eye: We both are learning how they work.
Under the Nose: We care enough to nurture this connection…
Chin: To create a safety buffer around any angry responses…
Collarbone: And protect what matters most to us from any rash moments.
Under the Arm: What a loving act!
Top of the Head: I’m willing to do courageous acts for this connection.
Eyebrow: Talking about an exit strategy is something I can do for us.
Side of the Eye: If I feel more secure…
Under the Eye: I can open up more…
Under the Nose: Be more self-expressed.
Chin: And so can my partner.
Collarbone: I like feeling more empowered.
Under the Arm: I can bring more to us.
Top of the Head: We can create more… and connect more deeply.
Take a deep breath.
What comes up for you as you tap? Are there specific memories or beliefs getting triggered? Write them down so you can look at them from a clearer perspective. Tap on them or get some help if you want to release them and embrace your own power and nurture your relationship in new and delightful ways.
Improve your relationships and learn new skills with Creating Connection!