by Cathy Vartuli
A number of people have asked us when Reid and I will be offering the Taming Jealousy Program again. We’re not going to have another live series on this — but it’s not too late to join us. We have two more calls where you can tap and ask your questions, and the recordings from the first two calls are available for you to listen to right now! Here’s what one participant said:
“The value of the course is exceptional and I love the way Cathy and Reid formatted the experience of jealousy = practical! I think the course is worth at least $297.” – Teya Skae, empowered-living.com.au
Join us today! http://www.thrivingnow.com/pkg-8arms-jealousy/
Quick announcement: Cathy’s Creating Connections video on the EFT Hub World Video Summit is one of the top 3- which means you can watch it for free for a bit longer. Thank you to Reid Mihalko and Rick Wilkes for all the great discussions on this topic!
So how do you deal with someone else’s jealousy?
It’s easy to get rattled when someone starts blaming us for “making them feel bad.” Or when we sense that something is wrong but we aren’t sure what to say or do.
If we had parents who were jealous, we may be conditioned to try to make things right, even if it doesn’t feel good to us.
We may feel defensive or shut down if they get mad at us because they’re hurt or they think we got more then they did. Or if they start clinging out of insecurity.
What can we do to feel more empowered, grounded and loving? You can always use the grounding exercises for a start:
If you are calm, it helps others feel calm, too. There is certainly no reason for you both to be triggered!
We’ll do some tapping in just a minute to help you “pre-order” a calm connection. And understanding what’s going on can ease your response as well.
Just recognizing that the other person is blaming because they feel powerless helps, too. When we feel like there is nothing we can do to feel better, we often lash out. So when you’re able to recognize what’s going on, sending some compassion can ease the situation. You know EFT/Tapping, so you know there are ways out of the whatever situation you find yourself in. Other people may not have discovered this, or may have forgotten there are ways to change how you feel.
When someone is jealous, they are feeling needy, hurt, insecure, and often rejected. That doesn’t mean you don’t get to set boundaries. It just means that your dealing with a wounded person who is hurting (even if they look pretty angry from the outside). Remembering that may give you insights into what’s going on. That often helps.
If you deal with someone who is regularly jealous, you may want to talk to them when they’re not triggered or reacting. We love Reid Mihalko’s Difficult Conversations approach for that:
The more you understand about jealousy and the needs it is a symptom of, the easier and more straightforward it is to deal with. You may be able to “dis-arm” the Octopus of Jealousy rather quickly.
When you want to support someone else, or just stop being blamed, tapping so you can feel confident and okay is the key first step! (In this tapping, we used “she” and “her”. Obviously, feel free to switch it to he/him, they/them as appropriate!)
Karate Chop: Even though she’s really intense about this, and rather blaming, I take a nice deep breath right now, and remember I can take care of myself no matter what she says.
Even though it doesn’t feel like I can take care of myself when she’s this upset…who am I kidding?!… I can serve us both best by grounding and being calm.
Even though I don’t like facing her jealousy, I can ground… listen with a loving heart… set boundaries…and listen to find out if I can help. I am a powerful, loving being and we can deal with this together.
Top of the Head: She is really upset!
Eyebrow: She says it’s my fault.
Side of the Eye: And it’s hard to think clearly…
Under the Eye: In the face of her reaction.
Under the Nose: What if it is my fault?
Chin: I feel like I have to justify myself…
Collarbone: Protect myself.
Under the Arm: And that’s not helping either.
Top of the Head: She is upset.
Eyebrow: What if I listened with different ears?
Side of the Eye: When she blames…
Under the Eye: She’s really saying…
Under the Nose: “I feel powerless and scared.”
Chin: When she says it’s my fault…
Collarbone: She’s really saying…
Under the Arm: “I’m hurting, please comfort me.”
Top of the Head: I can learn to listen…
Eyebrow: Behind the words.
Side of the Eye: I can take care of me…
Under the Eye: And if I want to…
Under the Nose: I can help her meet her needs, too.
Chin: I’m learning about jealousy…
Collarbone: And I love how helpful it feels…
Under the Arm: To better understand this powerful emotion.
Top of the Head: I’m learning to heal relationships and create love. What a miracle!
Take a deep breath.
What are you noticing? Do you remember times when other people’s jealousy came up and your heart hurt? When you were blamed and didn’t know how to handle it? Or times you felt powerless to do anything about someone else’s reaction?
When we understand where emotions and reactions come from we gain new power. We can handle situations like this with a new ease and compassion, and we can set comfortable boundaries when we need to. We can even, with surprising grace, restore our love relationships back to a place of happy, smiling connection!
If you’d like to learn more, please join us on Taming the 8-Armed Octopus of Jealousy Series and learn how you can tame the green-eyed beast so it doesn’t attack without warning!