For most people, the internalized warnings, fears and limiting beliefs from childhood still strongly influence us here and now.
Some of those messages are valid and useful today:
– Look both ways before you cross the street.
– Don’t stick your finger in the light socket.
– Eating all your Halloween Candy in one sitting may be fun, but you may not feel good after.
But some of those messages don’t apply at ALL anymore. They were useful direction back then, but they can steer you wrong and hold you back now. The rules we learned are about a different time and place, and if we hold onto them, the internal conflicts will prevent you from creating what you want with ease and delight.
A common phrase kids hear is “Don’t talk to strangers.” But how many of us talk to “strangers” every day as part of our job and everyday life? If we followed this rule, it would be hard to be successful at work, make new friends, or even get the plumbing fixed!
When we decide to try something new, our brain will often bring up all of these old messages. This can create fear and uncertainty, and we may hesitate before taking the next step. If you know that the data is outdated, it can help you choose which messages to pay attention to (fingers in light sockets, for example), and which ones to thank and pass on by.
It may help to think of the messages from these fearful parts as outdated weather reports.
At the time your brain “recorded” the message, it seemed true. There was a large tornado/hurricane/ice storm/blizzard heading toward you. It made sense to hide in the tornado shelter. But you did survive, and the tornado is passed.
You may have decided at 5 that it was safer and better to be really quiet and never ask for what you want. And that may have been a really smart coping mechanism in that place and time. But as an adult, not speaking up or sharing what feels good to you can hurt your marriage, your career, your friendships, and even your relationship with yourself.
Would you listen to a recording of last week’s (or last decade’s) weather report, no matter how dire it was, and feel panicked? Run for the tornado shelter? Probably not.
You can do the same for these old fear messages. You can look at them and decide if they fit for you or not NOW. (Because we tend to believe what we believe, this is a place where a coach or tapping buddy can make a big difference giving you clarity and support.) You can certainly acknowledge the wisdom that went into creating the rule in the first place (and tap to release it)! But you can also know that it doesn’t apply to this situation.
It’s 105 degrees in Dallas right now. Listening to last February’s weather report (with ice, snow and minus 14 degree days) would have you in a parka, mittens and a scarf. NOT a pretty picture! It would be unhealthy and very unpleasant. Yet many of us go through life with last years parka and mittens. It makes it hard to enjoy and connect with now.
What old weather reports are you listening to? What rules do you follow that are outdated and no longer useful? Feel free to drop us an email and let us know. And if you’re ready to start updating your messages and rules, we want to help! Whether you do private coaching, join our group coaching program, or work though our Self-Sabatage program (self-sabotage is often caused by outdated rules!), we hope you can find the freedom to let go of that old parka and frolic on the beach now. Would you listen to a recording of last week’s (or last decade’s) weather report, no matter how dire it was, and feel panicked? Run for the tornado shelter? Probably not. Yet our old rules often have us acting just as strangely NOW!