Denise Munro: I’m very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street and I see a beautiful woman and I think to myself: “I’ll bet my boyfriend would like to sleep with her” and I get SO ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say, ‘How much more of this do you think I can take?’
This is funny because unfortunately it all-too-closely mimics life. Many of my clients report either having the feelings of jealousy or facing weird manifestations of jealousy from their spouse. Jealousy is a fear, and when we look at it from that perspective, we know that it is something that can be taken through the EFT process.
You may not be the one who is jealous. You may be the one who feels controlled. It doesn’t matter. When one of the partners in a relationship poisoned by jealousy makes a shift, becomes calm and at peace within herself, it allows for the possibility of true communication.
If when the man makes an accusation, we can see it as his story, his drama, his fear, the response need not be anger and insult. But just as with sugar cravings, the time to tap is not when you are in the car headed for Krispy Kreme. The time to address your feelings and past memories is during your alone time or with a coach. Use EFT on any and all past times when your mate felt jealous, and choose to be “calm and confident no matter what.” This may not be a simple process. Feelings of being distrusted and untrustworthy are often interwoven across many life relationships.
I encourage you to ask some question: “How would I be around my mate if I didn’t have the thought: ‘he should trust me more’ ?” Or, “How would our relationship be if we didn’t feel this jealousy and resentment?”
What I am seeing in my practice is that when just one of the partners starts using EFT and other emotional freedom approaches, a sense of clarity and peace starts to move in to replace some of the fear. I don’t believe it is possible to truly forgive yourself or anyone else unless you have a sense of safety. Sometimes, that safety comes after we lose the fear of leaving the relationship and move out. Sometimes, the safety comes from seeing our partner in a new light which reopens our heart and brings us closer together.