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EFT-Talk Podcast #14 — How can I feel good about the future?
With all the professionally produced Bad News as well as personal news that you hear from family and friends, how is it possible to feel good about the future? In this EFT podcast, Carol Look and Rick Wilkes discuss…
– Putting your focus on what is good right NOW.
– It *is* a challenge.
– Staying present rather than playing a negative “What if…” game.
– What are the benefits of worrying about the future?
– Ego wants to fuss and worry!
– “I’m afraid to let go of my worry!”
– “Don’t I have to KNOW?”
Transcript:
Rick Wilkes:
Welcome to EFT Talk with your hosts Carol Look and Rick Wilkes… helping you feel really good using the power of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and the
Law of Attraction.Carol, a lot of people are observing things going on in the world — seeing movies, watching the news — and they have a very serious question.
How can I feel good about the future?
Carol Look:
Yes, so many people ask that in emails and just ask it in our client sessions. They just say “How am I suppose to feel good about the future with what’s going on?” or, as you say, what they’ve been reading or seeing. And
the first thing is to admit and to say is, “You know what? It really is a challenge”, because it is! And what you and I’d love to do is to use EFT to help people get back in the present. And one of the ways to feel good about the future is to say “Put your attention on what’s going well now.” “Yes, but in a month”…dah dah dah dah, “I know, how are you doing right now?” “Yes, but you don’t understand. You know there were just attacks over in another country and maybe we’re…”, mmm hmm, you know the choice is very, very challenging.
Rick:
When you were talking about that and you were using those examples, the words that sprung out at me were “yes, but”.
Carol:
Yes.
Rick:
It’s a case where you’re seeking to help someone connect with the energy of what is
at least OK right now and they’re needing to say “No, no, no” and they say “yes, but…”.
Carol:
Mmm hmm.
Rick:
…OK and they’re shifting the energy over to something that is clearly distressing them. How do you unhook from that need to go there and be in the midst of all of the trauma that is going on.
Carol:
Well, first know that when someone’s trying to go there, the actually purpose of that is to make us feel safer. So people say “Yes, but you don’t understand I’m worried about x, y, or z.” We do that because we think it’s going to make us feel better. The point is it doesn’t, but we’re in a habit of going to the future and suspecting and thinking and
“maybe…” and “suppose this happens?” and “what if he does this and she does that?”. We do that in our brains to try to soothe ourselves. It does the exact opposite.
Rick:
Right, because it activates the vibration of every primitive fear that we have in our whole body.
Carol:
Exactly, instead of the positive “what if?” that you know I do with the tapping all the time it’s the
negative “what if?”. It’s a little bit like staying present and feeling good no matter what happens right in the moment.Yesterday my Internet service was out from 6:30 in the morning until a quarter of six at night, and you know it was very challenging for me to turn it around and to get in a good mood anyway and to really just realize “Oh for God’s sake, this isn’t important”, but in the moment when it happened and I was frustrated and an article was due and this was due and I had to write this person back, it was really, really challenging.
But it’s the same task, which is to say “Tough, so what?”. You know that means I turned around and I paid my bills and cleaned my office…Good, it’s about time! I had to make the best of it again, and you know my choices… I could worry a lot about a lot of things, the people I love, and this person is traveling and this person’s getting older and this person’s in a foreign country right now and this… You know I could really have a field day and get very upset!
I can’t do that. I will ruin my Now. I will ruin my Today. I promise you… the worrying about the other person doesn’t help them and it does not soothe us. So if you put a list down and said OK “What are the pros, what are the good things about worrying about the future?”
Zero!!
Rick:
I can’t think of any.
Carol:
Zero, it does not help the person. It does not help you. In fact, what we know now about quantum physics and the electricity and the energy, is that you are actually influencing your future by how you’re feeling and what you’re putting out; what you’re exuding right now.
Rick:
Law of attraction again…
Carol:
Absolutely.
Rick:
…We come back to… where you’re focused you’re going to get more of. I was just thinking as you were saying, if somebody said to me “I’m worried about you, Rick”, that makes it worse. I don’t care, if I say to you “I’m worried about you, Carol”, it affects our relationship in a way that it feels and sounds like it
should be compassionate.
Carol:
But it’s anxiety. It’s the other person’s anxiety.
Rick:
It’s the other person’s anxiety, and you’re saying “I want you to know that I’m anxious
about you.”
Carol:
Right, and it may have seemed like a silly example to say the thing about the Internet, but it’s not silly because that’s as bad as you know someone says yes, but suppose, you know I live in New York city. They say “Oh, how could you live there?
Maybe you’ll get attacked again.”
Rick:
Right.
Carol:
I either have to get comfortable and ride the subways because that’s what I do or move. I cannot stay here and be in limbo and say what is sensible and live in fear. That ruins my health. That ruins my peace of mind. So believe it or not even the biggies like that or worrying about your children, or, you know. It’s the same thing to your body as getting all fussed up and worried and “Oh, I don’t have Internet” and I mean, it’s such a stupid thing. You know it took me… not long, but when I could finally laugh at it, how unserious it really was… but it’s the same process.
Rick:
It is.
Carol:
Whether it’s a tiny thing or a huge…”Yes, but you don’t understand, you live in New York.” You know what am I going to do? You know don’t worry about me in New York, that doesn’t do me any good. I’m happy here. I’m thriving here. I’m living an incredible life, and I don’t have the vibration of being in the next place that the people are going to attack. I just don’t.
Rick:
You’re right on track here by saying that it’s the same process. Whether it’s a big thing or a little thing, if it feels like it’s distressing to you…if it’s distressing to your vibration, it’s the same stuff, whether it’s big and huge or whether it’s little and tiny. It doesn’t matter. It still feels bigger, and how can we use EFT? Whether it’s a little thing, that we’re even kind of annoyed at ourselves that we’re feeling upset over something that small, or whether it is a big thing like something you’ve perceived, you’ve seen on the news or CNN that is deeply disturbing to you.
Carol:
Right, we’ll do a couple of rounds. I wanted to say I heard someone on the radio show talking about how the ego doesn’t like the present moment. The ego has no place to go. When you’re peaceful and focused and clear and present, the ego gets very frustrated.
Rick:
[laughing].
Carol:
The ego wants to fuss and worry and you know, “yes, but…” and get you all up tight and worried. Worry doesn’t do us any good and we don’t want to turn that channel on. Some people don’t want to turn on other channels, you know. You just choose your channel, and that’s what we do with EFT… we choose our channel.
Rick:
So if I’m on the worry channel…
Carol:
Yes.
Rick:
It’s what’s playing 24 hours a day seven days a week. Let’s do some EFT and if you need a picture of the EFT points, need to learn the mechanics of EFT, we have that out on our website at
www.eft-talk.com.
Carol:
Great, what I would say, what I’ll do, is use the words about safety because underneath all of it, whether someone is worried about their child whose traveling, someone is worried about living in a city that could be attacked, someone is jealous that their spouse is out flirting around, someone is worried that they’re not going to get the job promotion or whatever, it’s the same thing. It’s about not feeling safe underneath it all.
Rick:
Yes.
Carol:
So I think that language is perfect. OK, karate chop: Even though I don’t feel safe right now…
Rick:
Even though I don’t feel safe right.
Carol:
So I’m fishing around for what could go wrong…
Rick:
So I’m fishing around for what could go wrong.
Carol:
I choose to feel calm and peaceful…
Rick:
I choose to feel calm and peaceful.
Carol:
Even though I don’t feel safe…
Rick:
Even though I don’t feel safe.
Carol:
And it’s hard for me to be present…
Rick:
And it’s hard for me to be present.
Carol:
I deeply and completely accept all of my feelings…
Rick:
I deeply and completely accept all of my feelings.
Carol:
Even though I have this habit of worrying…
Rick:
Even though I have this habit of worrying.
Carol:
I think it helps me…
Rick:
I think it helps me.
Carol:
I’ve decided to release the habit.
Rick:
I have decided to release the habit.
Carol:
And take back my life…
Rick:
And take back my life.
Carol:
Eyebrow, I choose to feel calm…
Rick:
I choose to feel calm.
Carol:
Side of the eye, but I don’t feel safe…
Rick:
But I don’t feel safe.
Carol:
Under the eye, I’m worried…
Rick:
I am worried.
Carol:
Under the nose, I have a good reason to be worried…
Rick:
I have a good reason to be worried.
Carol:
Chin, don’t take it away…
Rick:
Don’t take it away.
Carol:
Collarbone, shouldn’t I be worried?
Rick:
Shouldn’t I be worried?
Carol:
Armpit, shouldn’t I be worried?
Rick:
Shouldn’t I be worried?
Carol:
Top of the head, I’m afraid to let go of my worry…
Rick:
I’m afraid to let go of my worry.
Carol:
Take a breath. That’s actually a good phrase to end that particular round on. People don’t want to let go of it because they have made a decision or suspect that worrying will protect them, and it does the opposite.
But you know it’s like taking someone’s drug. Don’t take away alcohol from someone who’s not ready because they won’t feel safe without it.
Rick:
I think it can go deeper too, to an identity. I remember when I was watching CNN all the time. I felt that as a compassionate person who wants to be a healer in the world, a healing presence in the world, that knowing about all the things that were going wrong allowed me to feel connected to the pain that people were feeling. And in reality, of course, I was left feeling completely powerless to make any kind of difference. Yet, you couldn’t have convinced me of that at the time.
Carol:
Right.
Rick:
If somebody that’s here listening right now feels that way, that ‘I can’t disconnect because that would be not compassionate,’ how can we help them unhook and still feel more empowered in that process?
Carol:
Raising your own personal vibration helps people more than wallowing in the scary, fearful thoughts and problems that are happening. It’s like people who watch CNN for 10 hours. Have they sent a check to the place where the earthquake and everything fell apart? Like, send something, don’t just sit there for 10 hours and think you’re being compassionate. It’s not compassionate. It’s pulling your vibration down and you’re not helping anyone. So what you want to do to help others is to help yourself. Be in a place…it’s the same way where, you and I in the helping profession, so many people get burnt out. They’re not taking care of themselves.
Rick:
That’s right.
Carol:
And then they’re not actually as helpful with their people. You must get your vibration up.
Rick:
OK, so help me feel calm and confident doing that, when there’s a part of me that believes that if I’m not connected to what’s going on, then I’m not a good world citizen.
Carol:
OK. Even though I’m convinced….
Rick:
Even though I’m convinced.
Carol:
I have to know about everyone’s pain.
Rick:
I have to know about everyone’s pain.
Carol:
It makes me a good person….
Rick:
It makes me a good person.
Carol:
I’ve decided there’s a new way….
Rick:
I’ve decided there’s a new way.
Carol:
Even though I’m afraid to not watch….
Rick:
Even though I’m afraid to not watch.
Carol:
Don’t I have to know?
Rick:
Don’t I have to know?
Carol:
I deeply and completely accept this new position…
Rick:
I deeply and completely accept this new position.
Carol:
Even though I was taught…
Rick:
Even though I was taught.
Carol:
That I have to be suffering…
Rick:
That I have to be suffering.
Carol:
To help someone else’s suffering…
Rick:
To help someone else’s suffering.
Carol:
I’ve decided to raise my vibration…
Rick:
I’ve decided to raise my vibration.
Carol:
Eyebrow, I choose to raise my vibration…
Rick:
I choose to raise my vibration.
Carol:
Side of the eye, I choose to feel good…
Rick:
I choose to feel good.
Carol:
Under the eye, I choose to send them good energy…
Rick:
I choose to send them good energy.
Carol:
Under the nose, I love feeling calm and peaceful…
Rick:
I love feeling calm and peaceful.
Carol:
Chin, I love being a channel for peace…
Rick:
I love being a channel for peace.
Carol:
Collarbone, I love feeling present and joyful…
Rick:
I love feeling present and joyful.
Carol:
Armpit, sometimes I’m tempted to suffer…
Rick:
[laughing] Sometimes I’m tempted to suffer.
Carol:
Top of the head, but I choose to feel calm and peaceful…
Rick:
But I choose to feel calm and peaceful.
Carol:
And to appreciate how joyful I am…
Rick:
And to appreciate how joyful I am.
Carol:
Take a breath.
Rick:
[takes a breath].
Carol:
A lot of habits get formed early, and if you grow up, by the way, with a mother or a father who is a worrier, guess what?
Rick:
Yes, if you’re raised in a soup you smell like that garlic.
Carol:
[laughing].
Rick:
You know I’ve talked about people. If you’re raised in garlic soup you’re going to smell like garlic, and if you’re raised in worry — and I was, my mom was a worrier, God bless her, you know a lot of moms are worriers — I can’t say that it did much for me. I was much happier when she was in her joy.
I want to put in a very strong recommendation for listeners to contemplate something. When I was in a place of chronic worry that was causing very serious repercussions in my body, one of my teachers suggested that I go on a fast. Now,
fasting is not part of our culture today, and this is a little bit of a different kind of fast. She suggested that I not read a single newspaper. That I not watch a single news show, in fact turn off the TV completely, but certainly not watch CNN, the local news, the national news, and other things. To not listen to Rush Limbaugh or anyone that might raise my ire. To turn off all of those things and just give my body 30 days without the choreographed,
“planned to raise your emotional fears” sources of information that we have.
Carol:
Was it hard to do?
Rick:
I was, at that point, so desperate, and I trusted her that I simply did it. I simply trusted that if she was recommending it, that, by God, I was going to at least try it…30 days I could do anything.
And I will tell you that at the end of that 30 days, there’s something very profound that I noticed. I had a lot more
heart available to me to help the people that actually flowed into my life.
My life, as opposed to captured from some other… in pictures and sound from some other place in the world… and there is ample opportunity for someone who has a big heart that wants to be of service, to be there giving a smile and feeling like
“that is what I have to offer” or to give of our money resources or give of our time or our touch or even our prayers and….
Carol:
Exactly and the part….
Rick:
It wasn’t until I disconnected [from TV and news] that I had anything left to offer to those that were really in my life.
Carol:
And I would say putting it in terms of “how do you be of service?”. Somehow we’ve been convinced that we’re of service when we’re in front of the TV worrying and watching the bodies being pulled out of wherever, and that’s not true. If you want to be of better service raise your own vibration, take care of yourself, sleep well, be loving to your family and your neighbors, work on your own anxiety and then you’ve got resources to give.
Rick:
Yes and then at the end of the day, after having lived from that place, during the time when the local news is coming on, you can sit in solitude at the end of your day and radiate out all the excess love you’ve got available to wherever it’s needed in the world.
And I know that from a vibrational place, from a quantum physics place, and certainly from a spiritual heart-centered placed, that, that is a much better way of sharing what I have to offer. Thank you so much Carol! I appreciate exploring this question with you. I hope it’s been helpful to our listeners.
Carol:
Great.
Rick:
If you have a question that you’d like us to address with the EFT talk send it to ask@eft-talk.com,
and we’ll talk to you again soon!