1) Feminine Power…
Women aren’t taught to own their power. We’re taught to be meek. We’re taught to be accommodating. Do you ever wish you owned your Feminine Power?
We get excited when we find a new and powerful approach that can help you break through!
Find out more here >> Awaken Your Feminine Power
(If you’re a man reading this, please forward it to all the women in your life you think might benefit from it.)
Women from all corners of the globe are saying that the Feminine Power approach created and taught by women’s transformation expert Claire Zammit, Ph.D. and bestselling author Katherine Woodward Thomas, MA, MFT, is giving them access to everything they need to create what they most deeply desire in their lives.
Past participants have reported stunning breakthroughs in their relationships, creativity, prosperity, health, and self-expression, as well as their overall level of happiness, and so much more, as a result of attending,“The Keys to Feminine Power” online event Claire & Katherine will be offering at no charge to you. Sign up today!!
2) Dealing With Other’s Surprise
Last week we shared a video on dealing with your own surprise. For many of us, dealing with other people’s surprise is very uncomfortable, too. Sometimes, we take it as judgment and rejection of ourselves.
You can watch this video, read and tap along, or both:
In fact, a lot of times, I’ve shared something or just been myself and been around people that didn’t expect that, and I’ll see that negative reaction. I’ll actually take it as a judgment on myself. I’ll pull away.
For example, I’m a big woman, and as I’ve learned to get more comfortable with my body over the years, I’ve come to realize… my body’s pretty amazing!
I started going to the hot tubs at some of the business conferences we’ve been going to, and I’ll wear my swimsuit and walk to the hot tub through the lobby of the hotel.
When I first started doing this, I had so much shame. It was really a struggle for me. I would see people look at me, and I would think that they were horrified or rejecting. It echoed with the shame I had inside myself, and I really struggled with it.
I did a bunch of tapping on my reaction on their reaction: “Even though they’re horrified by me…” and worked through that.
I started to realize that while there were some people that were not pleased…we’re kind of taught not to enjoy people who are more “round”, by society, I started to realize that some people were not actually horrified. They were just surprised.
In our society, bigger people don’t walk around in bathing suits much at all… much less through a hotel. In the past, if I had gone to the hot tub, (which I probably wouldn’t have), I would have wrapped myself up and covered myself up completely to go out to the hot tub and spend a lot of energy and time trying to protect everyone else from the view of my body.
But the truth is a lot of people aren’t horrified, they’re just surprised. They’re not used to seeing this.
So when I started realizing this and I did a little more tapping, I realized I could give them space to be surprised, and then they would come around. If I didn’t react like, “Oh my God,” and kind of pull away and have all my shame come up… if I just held space for them to be, “Oh, I don’t see that very often. Oh my God.” A few minutes later, we’d have great conversations.
There wasn’t anything wrong. It’s just they were surprised. And in the past, I would have taking it as this horrible indictment of who I was as a being, and I would have never spoken to them and been very shut down if I’d stayed at all.
Let’s do some tapping so that we can hold space for people who are surprised.
When we do, and we don’t always have to choose to, but when we choose to and we do, we give people a chance to process through things in a different way, and we create an entirely different relationship with them. It’s a beautiful gift to give someone. Let’s do some tapping.
Take a nice deep breath.
Karate Chop: Even though I hate that look of horror and surprise in their eyes… maybe they’re just processing something right this minute.
Even though I’m certain they’re ashamed or disgusted with me, maybe it isn’t about me at all. Maybe it’s just unexpected or they have their own story about this. I can remain calm and love myself.
Even though this is really hard, some of my old shame is still echoing in there, I am okay, and I choose to let these people process their feelings, and then they can decide if they want to interact with me.
Top of the Head: This is hard.
Eyebrow: I hate the look on their face.
Side of the Eye: I think I did something wrong.
Under the Eye: I think I am something wrong.
Under the nose: What if there’s nothing wrong?
Chin: What if they just need a little bit of time?
Collarbone: Lord knows it’s taken me some time to work through this.
Under the Arm: Maybe I can give them a little bit of time.
Top of the Head: Maybe I don’t have to judge them for having a reaction.
Eyebrow: People do react sometimes.
Side of the Eye: I can give them time to change their minds.
Under the Eye: I can give them time to move through their emotions.
Under the nose: And I can let them reconnect if they want.
Chin: That’s a little different…
Collarbone: But it’s powerful.
Under the Arm: I think I might be able to hold some space for them.
Top of the Head: and that will change our relationship.
Take a nice deep breath.
When we can hold space for people, it creates a different dynamic. The traditional dynamic that many of us see is:
a) I do something that surprises you, so…
b) you yell at me and judge me, so…
c) I yell at you for yelling at me, and we just have this boomerang effect where we’re bouncing off of each other!
If even one person can hold some space, we can catch the boomerang! Even if someone’s blaming us for something, which occasionally will happen. We surprise people, they can react.
That’s one reason we love Reid Mihalko’s difficult conversation formula: http://www.thrivingnow.com/difficult-conversation/
It’s a really powerful way to help people not be surprised by things.
However, there will be times people are surprised, and whether they blame you or not, you can just stay present with yourself.
When you feel grounded, and present, and know you love yourself, it doesn’t matter. Or, it does matter, but it doesn’t fundamentally change who you are, and you can just let them be and move through stuff. When we’re not throwing stuff back, all of a sudden, the world starts changing, and people start feeling safer with us, and maybe they don’t have to blame so much.
Let’s just do a little bit more tapping on that.
Warning- swear words ahead! If the use of swear words offends you, feel free to stop reading now, or use alternate wording when you tap! (Please note- we use the word that resonates for the person speaking- this is about emotional release, and that’s not always politically correct. Use whatever words resonate for you.)
Nice deep breath.
Karate Chop: Even though that person blamed me, and it really hurt, they were just scared, and I love myself enough that I can just stand steady and be with myself and be with that person where they are… even though that didn’t feel good at all.
I don’t think I deserved that. Maybe we can talk about it when the other person calms down a little bit more. It doesn’t seem effective to talk to them about it now, and I know I love myself no matter what.
Even though that person’s being kind of a dick, I’m okay. I love myself.
Top of the Head: They really are being a dick!
Eyebrow: I think they’re scared.
Side of the Eye: They might feel overwhelmed.
Under the Eye: They maybe never had anyone hold space for them before.
Under the nose: Part of me is scared.
Chin: I’m afraid the relationship is harmed forever…
Collarbone: But what if it’s not?
Under the Arm: What if the best thing I could do for both of us…
Top of the Head: is to hold space and love us both?
Nice deep breath.
Now, please understand I’m not saying that you shouldn’t set boundaries if someone’s being abusive or yelling or threatening to hit you. Definitely set boundaries and get yourself to a safe space if you need. But if you can, say “This is not acceptable! We’ll talk about it later. I’m going to give you some time to cool down or whatever it is you need to do.”
Just the fact that you’re not throwing stuff back gives them a chance to calm down faster, and it doesn’t add a load on the relationship that you have to dig through before you start getting to the core problem.
I hope this helped you, and I hope you feel a little more ready to handle people’s surprises!
If you want support building resiliency and calm in your life, check out our group coaching program. We LOVE helping people find their core, grounded center and showing them how to create powerful, loving relationships! Join us today!