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Dealing With Fear
by Cathy Vartuli
We all have fear. You may be afraid of spiders, and I’m afraid of snakes. One person is terrified of rollercoasters, and you may adore them. Public speaking or going on a date might have you quaking in your shoes.
That doesn’t mean anything is wrong.
It’s easy to think we’re “broken” or “damaged” when we’re afraid. Fear is like anger- most of us have not been taught how to deal with it. We never saw it modeled (and resolved!) in healthy, powerful ways.
What if you can have fear and not feel like a bad, weak person? What if you could feel fear, and instead of feeling powerless and a victim to whatever life served up, you could feel powerful and encouraged?
Really?! (We know, it seems like a crazy concept, completely counterintuitive! And yet, it is an AMAZING transformation. It changes life so you feel so much more free!)
Okay, how do you create that sense of empowerment despite feeling fear?
First, remember that you learned about fear when you were very small. You felt powerless because you WERE powerless! Of course you felt that way. And your brain linked fear and powerless.
FEAR = POWERLESS
Our primitive brain will always want to avoid powerlessness. It isn’t a safe place to be. However, if you unlink fear and powerless, suddenly the world changes.
If you KNOW you can be fearful AND powerful, the feeling of fear isn’t so terrifying. Really!
A lot of our fear reactions are “enhanced” by the fear of fear. Our heart races much faster, our breath is much shorter, we feel more frozen because we’re actually afraid of being afraid.
This is an advanced technique, so if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, and read the last few sentences again. You’re doing great!
Here’s an analogy to help you remember this concept: You may have seen pictures of enormous elephants staying in one place because of a rope attached to a small stake in the ground. Now that elephant could pull that stake out of the ground and go where ever he wanted, freely, except for one thing. He doesn’t think he can!
When he was a baby elephant, and not very strong, his trainers used the rope and stake, and he LEARNED that he couldn’t get away. He learned that he was powerless over that rope and stake… and his brain made the unquestioned assumption that would ALWAYS be true… forever! So whenever he feels the rope, he KNOWS he can’t go anywhere.
Just like that elephant, you probably learned that when you feel fear, you can’t do ANYTHING about it. You’re powerless. You’re stuck!
Luckily, you have something that elephant doesn’t! (No, it isn’t opposable thumbs!) You have Tapping! And you can change your mind (including your primitive brain).
You can help you primitive brain learn that when you feel afraid, you can pay attention, and decide what to do in an empowered way. And sometimes you feel afraid because you’re doing really cool, new things, and actually being really effective and powerful and creative in your world!
You rewrite the equation so it becomes:
Fear = Powerful!
Yeah!! Without the feeling of powerlessness, the fear isn’t so scary or overwhelming. And you can move much more freely and easily.
So let’s do some tapping:
Karate Chop: Even though I know that fear feels awful, and I am always powerless when I am fearful, I learned that a long time ago, and I’m not 4 years old anymore. Maybe I have more power and ability than I thought…
Even though fear has stopped me in my tracks, even when it wasn’t useful, I choose to be different than that elephant, and go where I want, freely.
Even though that stake of powerlessness has kept me stuck, I am in the process of changing my conditioning, and I claim my freedom and power now!
Top of the Head: I have been afraid of fear.
Eyebrow: I felt powerless and hopeless in the face of fear.
Side of the Eye: I felt overwhelmed and bad.
Under the Eye: I wanted to avoid fear at all costs.
Under the Nose: Who could blame me?!
Chin: But it kept me from the life I wanted.
Collarbone: That pattern held me back.
Under the Arm: And I want something more powerful now!
Top of the Head: I was afraid of feeling powerless.
Eyebrow: But feeling fear doesn’t mean I don’t have power.
Side of the Eye: I thought it did…
Under the Eye: I made that decision a long time ago.
Under the Nose: And now I get to upgrade my mind!
Chin: Fear is NOT the same as powerless.
Collarbone: Can I be calm and confident…
Under the Arm: Even when I’m afraid?!
Top of the Head: Is that really possible?
Eyebrow: I do have more power than I had at 2, 3 or 4!
Side of the Eye: That’s wonderful!
Under the Eye: I don’t have to be tied to the same old spot.
Under the Nose: I am NOT an elephant!
Chin: Even if I do happen to like peanuts.
Collarbone: I choose to pull this stake from the ground…
Under the Arm: Toss it aside…
Top of the Head: And go where I choose!
Take a deep breath.
How does that feel? Are specific memories coming up for you around feeling powerless? Fearful? Write them down. Your subconscious is trying to help you clear this out of the way so you can create an amazing, powerful life!
And if you’re ready to take this for a test drive, our Breaking Out of Your Shell and Creating Connection packages can help you start connecting with people in new, more loving, and deeper ways. Ways you may have avoided in the past, when you felt powerless and frozen.
If you want more help working through your remaining blocks and reclaiming your power, our group coaching program is a great place to get guidance and support, in a fun, friendly atmosphere!
We hope you’ll join us! We have a lot of fun together.